After Edna had gone home,her neighbours Mary and Annie had to vacuum the carpet where Edna had knocked over a box of biscuits of a crumbly nature and then trodden on them Edna is hard to relate to,said Annie warmly I wonder if she will get easier as time goes on? You mean you are going to ask her again? I’ve not decided,Mary told her.It is a lot of effort in winter. Suppose she asks us over to her place,Annie wondered We’ll have to see how we feel.I suppose it would be interesting to look at her furniture and see if she has lots of books,Mary said If we go and borrow a book, don’t pencil in your comments down the side of the page As if I would! Mary said indignantly.I only do that to my own Just sayin’ ,Annie replied Did you like her purple coat? I think it doesn’t go with red hair but who cares? I’d wear yellow even if I looked sick That seem stupid,Mary cried anxiously In the dark of winter it means drivers can see you. I suppose so.. yes, quite a wise idea.But one rarely sees a yellow coat in a shop. I think you can get them in shops that sell sailing gear,Annie mumbled Since we are right in the middle of England, there are none here.We’ll have to go to Orford,Mary warned her Where’s that,Annie asked? Not far from Aldeburgh,Mary said knowingly It’s too far to go in a day in winter,Annie decided How many miles is it? About 159.468 each way That is 319.435 miles altogether So if we go at 60 mph it takes 5.3333 hours And at 50 mph it takes 6.4 hours 40 mph would be 8 hours 10 mph would take 32 hours plus a break 2 mph would be 160 hours
at 0.5 mph I tbink its 640 hours
Well that is that.We can’t go it would be nearly 24 days nonstop
Just get a black coat and wear a yellow hat
After all that counting, they fell asleep until Emile came home with some mice
Mary and Annie had invited a new neighbour for tea.They got out the big teapot and some blue cups and saucers made of china Is there enough milk,Annie enquired? Yes,I’ve got six pints, my finger must have trembled when I was ticking the box for the order Milk keeps much longer now than it used to Annie cried plaintively Maybe the cows are given preservatives .Mary mused You mean the cows eat them,Annie asked? Well, it’s just one possibility,Mary thought out loud Now, where shall Edna sit? You sit on the sofa with her and I’ll sit in this swivelling chair OK,Annie muttered as she shook the door mat and brushed Emile the cat The doorbell rang.There stood Edna in a purple wool coat and red hat Come in,Mary whispered.Let me take your coat Edna went and sat down by Annie while Mary carried in the tea tray Have you had your vaccination yet, she asked Edna gently Oh, don’t talk about it,I can’t bear injections Edna said in an argumentative manner So don’t you have blood tests,is that wise? For God’s sake, don’t mention blood ever or I’ll scream Are you afraid of it? I don’t want to discuss it, nor urine, Edna said as she swigged the tea and filled her cup again I’ll be glad when Donalld Trump leaves,Annie said in an effort to change the subject Why don’t people like him,Edna asked furtively. He is a rich man with a beautiful wife I don’t like people merely because they are rich.Mary informed the ladies I don’t mind them, said Annie, unless they are vulgar, greedy, liars, and sons of the devil That is a very prejudiced view,Edna told her.Everyone is entitled to behave exactly how they want Well,Annie said,I’d like to lie down on the grass over there by the river and have sex with that psychotherapist who lives across the road But it would cause scandal unless lots of people did the same Has your imagined lover got no bed,Mary teased her? I think that’s disgusting , in a an older woman said Edna.I suppose that’s why you have that teal eyeshadow and mascara on not to mention your rose lipstick.I’ve seen it in Harrods I got them in Channel supplies in Birkenhead.They are near the Mersey Tunnel It’s a long way to go,said Edna.How do you get there and why is it nor called Tunnel Supplies I follow a man on Facebook and he often drives up there so I get my car out and keep behind him all the way on the M1 etc Does he know about this? No, he’s not following me on FB any more I wonder why that is, Edna mused with a strange sneer He is paranoid,I suspect No wonder,Mary said.He thinks he is imagining you. I hope his imagination is as pure as the driven snow,Annie answered Well, we’ll never know.Look at Princess Diana….she had many lovers.. I hate her, said Edna viciously Oh,dear. said Mary.Did she hurt you? No, she was cruel to Prince Charles.Her mind was innocent then and she had no repertoire of the sexual arts Many women were virgins when they were single.How would they know such mysteries? They could look at porn,Edna said rudely.. Do you look at porn, Annie asked her kindly? Well,I would if I had a lover,Edna murmured shyly Maybe they should teach it instead of algebra,Mary suggested, though once it was an instinct The parents might be angry,Edna said sadly if their children knew more than them But intimacy is not merely sex,Annie told them politely It’s being able to to reveal yourself to the other person without fear and I don’t mean wearing see through nighties Emile mewed loudly Mother, don’t you wear one.The milkman might see your body I find them too cold anyway,Mary giggled sensibly If I get another man he will have to like wincyette or fleece Well,good luck, said Edna.No English man would want either of you Edna you are very rude,What is wrong with you? I’ve got pre-traumatic stress disorder and there is no cure Well,use your common sense or just keep quiet and sulk silently And so say all of us.
Dear PM David Cameron I am a very intelligent and creative woman. Hence I wonder daily why your face has no expression on it;I must confess since the vote on Syria last year you have looked a bit bothered now and then and no doubt Gaza and Israel have entered your gaze as well as all the other Middle Eastern States
.But blankness seems your favourite look.Watch out or an artist may paint a sign on youi
Danger:Please stalk on the grass
Danger:Trespassers will be parsed and printed.
I am writing to complain.There are many magpies,wood pigeons and other such creatures all living for free in the garden here.And think of the ones in the woods.None of them are taxed,yet they get free board and lodging,. And moreover we have hundreds of worms here which could surely be made to work.I know it’s hard to tell them apart but all those civil servants who read Modern Greats at Toxicford must have a few ideas. I think if worms don’t work we should mince them and make meat pies out of them… and wood pigeons… that makes me salivate. Those who won’t work shall be turned into food.The Chinese eat dogs… you catch my drift. Hard solutions for hard times, to warm an old cliche. I do feel that all living creatures should pay rent.Birds who live in a garden with more than one tree must be made to see how unfair this is.I am unsure what language they speak… maybe Hebrew as they were in Eden once. Oh,those lazy days,eating fruit and sunbathing.And sinning without guilt. Did you know Adam and Eve were unmarried,by the way! Well,it’s bad for us to be happy so I’m counting on you to pulverize nature in all manifestations. Why,,worms are a total waste of time.Get rid of them.Send them back where they came from. Even as I write worms may be tunnelling under the British Channel from France.We can’t let them dwell in our soil. And in the Spring you must stop birds migrating here.Why some come from the Congo.Surely that’s not morally justifiable Hoping my ideas will be balm to your ears.And try to get more of an expression on your face.You are like an empty canvas without Jackson Pollock and his tins of Dulux Yours truly Demabella Dodd [ M.A.Oxen]
P.S.What about cats? They sleep 20 hours a day.They could rid us of more vermin.. need I say more?
Shall we go to the Crematorium We’ll nice and warm Do they have a restaurant Will it do us harm? We can’t go shopping in Swansea We’ll save lots of cash Even Cardiff is locked down It’s no place for the rash The Brecon Beacons are over-run Despite the cold and snow I asked my husband to marry me But he said,I don’t know Are we still married when he is gone Where the Light will glow? He can come in my dreams again Kneading the new batch of dough Last night I dreamed of a murder I prefer a kiss. don’t you know? My anger seems to increase these days So I’m teaching my cat how to sew
Rainer Maria Rilke “Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don’t know what work these conditions are doing inside you? Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going? Since you know, after all, that you are in the midst of transitions and you wished for nothing so much as to change. If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must simply help it to be sick, to have its whole sickness and to break out with it, since that is the way it gets better.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
Cats delight me,hiding in my bed Running down the stairs, with backturned head Jumping up to catch a butterfly Tickling me as on my couch I lie. In my dream I saw them, fifty five One was in the bath ,I nearly cried Everywhere I went cats followed me Pied Piper of the felines I shall be Remember Blythburgh church floodlit and fine The owners of the cottage drew few lines .They had seven cats, all Siamese How could even God compete with these? The Church, a small Cathedral of the Marsh Kept cats in their own place which I thought harsh For cannot cats join in to sing the hymns Christmas Carols, Requiems, a sin? The cats were leaping on me in my dream Wanting a large ball and lots of cream Full of life and humour they live well Scratching my new sofa, ringing bells If I dream of happy cats I wake The sky is blue and I make no mistakes
White clouds bounced like beach balls on the sands Above the ridge of Rivington we saw Here in this green place, noone is damned White clouds bounced like beach balls on the sands Tossed up in the air by unseen hands Free at last away from mills and pans The old stone barn,I felt compelled to draw Through the stile I saw a waterfall White clouds bounced like beach balls on the sands Above the ridge of Rivington and all.
And now,Mrs Mary Tan, will you tell the Judge and Jury what you were doing at 6.45 pm? I was doing the Times Super Fiendish Crossword Puzzle no 76 But why would that stop you answering the door? Er,I had stomach ache Do you find Su Doku a cure? No,I only wish I did.I see how many puzzles I can solve while in the bathroom What is the average Three What is the range? From 1 to 5.I am afraid I don’t know the standard deviation What is the most ever Five.I am hoping they will make some harder ones So you heard the bell ring.You were upstairs.Could nobody answer the door? I suppose Emile might but the lock is too high Who is Emile? Is he your Lover No, he is my cat. Can he speak English? Well,I think so.Why don’t you come round and see him? I have no time. So you cleaned the floor and made the bed Then I set to work on Dirac’s Equation Does Dirac mind? Why should he mind? He is dead. Oh I hoped to see him. You must go to a Seance then So you were lost in thought when a magpie tapped on the window Correct What does it mean? It wanted a mince pie. But who had been knocking on the door Another magpie Are you sure? No.It could have been a Crow Well, that’s all the questions I have for this person.My Lord Next witness please Hello,I am Mrs Magpie You are human! I believe so
Known to sailors around the world as the doldrums, the Inter-Tropical Convergence Zone, (ITCZ, pronounced and sometimes referred to as the “itch”), is a belt around the Earth extending approximately five degrees north and south of the equator. Here, the prevailing trade winds of the northern hemisphere blow to the southwest and collide with the southern hemisphere’s driving northeast trade winds.
Due to intense solar heating near the equator, the warm, moist air is forced up into the atmosphere like a hot air balloon. As the air rises, it cools, causing persistent bands of showers and storms around the Earth’s midsection. The rising air mass finally subsides in what is known as the horse latitudes, where the air moves downward toward Earth’s surface.
Because the air circulates in an upward direction, there is often little surface wind in the ITCZ. That is why sailors well know that the area can becalm sailing ships for weeks. And that’s why they call it the doldrums.
I began writing ten years ago.Before that I had read many books on the topic which were of little use to me.I think it’s better to start writing.When you have written a few poems or stories, you are more likely to benefit from reading the advice of othere.I spent far too long reading You need to read a lot in all genres but especially poetry.Some people still think they should try to write like Coleridge or Wordsworth and also they should use poetic language On the other hand, do people want to read the following
Ah,he said and swooned onto her breast She’d had cancer and had just one left When he found her empty in one cup He was rude; she killed him with a jug
That is in poor taste and I guess my mind is thinking of someone I saw yesterday I would not wish to write in that style on such a topic.I must be trying to make light of the news I heard. That makes me realise we need to think about what is happening to us and to decide if we really intend to write sick humour.
Moving on, keep notebook and write down anything that happens that has an emotional impact on you.I believe these events, visions,converations mean something to you and if you can find a form for them then other people will also be affected
Poetry relies on metaphors.If you read the Greek Myths,The Bible,any stories from the ancient worl you will realise that many of our common sayings are there.Also in Shakespeare. To be or not to be, that is the question
The Ancient Mariner is a poem which has a lot of images once in common knowlesdge Like I’m in the doldrums.Have a look and see where/what the Doldrums are and what it means….. in a place you are stuck despite all your efforts until a change of the wind/your mood happens.
Apart from these metaphors and stories in history and literature,you will come across events in your own life which will be somewhat similar.You can then make new symbols or they emerge in your writing as you go along
The notebook is the most useful thing.What has emotional meaning for you will most likely be what others will find interesting or moving
Random apples Fall silently On unknown Newtons
One may fall on you, so keep your eyes open
What is your apple? What does it teach you? Are you a potential writer?
The darkness at the heart of any shrub A home for little birds in cold and damp The leaves of olive, gold and green were shed The darkness is the heart of any shrub No longer hid by summers of burnt red Flames in June, the loss in winter’s bed Through the window I see my lit lamp Darkness makes the heart of any shrub Safe for little birds in cold and damp
From a young age, William Blake claimed to have seen visions. The first may have occurred as early as the age of four when, according to one anecdote, the young artist “saw God” when God “put his head to the window”, causing Blake to break into screaming. At the age of eight or ten in Peckham Rye, London, Blake claimed to have seen “a tree filled with angels, bright angelic wings bespangling every bough like stars.” According to Blake’s Victorian biographer Gilchrist, he returned home and reported the vision and only escaped being thrashed by his father for telling a lie through the intervention of his mother. Though all evidence suggests that his parents were largely supportive, his mother seems to have been especially so, and several of Blake’s early drawings and poems decorated the walls of her chamber. On another occasion, Blake watched haymakers at work, and thought he saw angelic figures walking among them.The Ghost of a Flea, 1819–1820. Having informed painter-astrologer John Varley of his visions of apparitions, Blake was subsequently persuaded to paint one of them. Varley’s anecdote of Blake and his vision of the flea’s ghost became well-known.
Blake claimed to experience visions throughout his life. They were often associated with beautiful religious themes and imagery, and may have inspired him further with spiritual works and pursuits. Certainly, religious concepts and imagery figure centrally in Blake’s works. God and Christianity constituted the intellectual centre of his writings, from which he drew inspiration. Blake believed he was personally instructed and encouraged by Archangels to create his artistic works, which he claimed were actively read and enjoyed by the same Archangels. In a letter of condolence to William Hayley, dated 6 May 1800, four days after the death of Hayley’s son, Blake wrote:
I know that our deceased friends are more really with us than when they were apparent to our mortal part. Thirteen years ago I lost a brother, and with his spirit I converse daily and hourly in the spirit, and see him in my remembrance, in the region of my imagination. I hear his advice, and even now write from his dictate.
In a letter to John Flaxman, dated 21 September 1800, Blake wrote:
[The town of] Felpham is a sweet place for Study, because it is more spiritual than London. Heaven opens here on all sides her golden Gates; her windows are not obstructed by vapours; voices of Celestial inhabitants are more distinctly heard, & their forms more distinctly seen; & my Cottage is also a Shadow of their houses. My Wife & Sister are both well, courting Neptune for an embrace… I am more famed in Heaven for my works than I could well conceive. In my Brain are studies & Chambers filled with books & pictures of old, which I wrote & painted in ages of Eternity before my mortal life; & those works are the delight & Study of Archangels. (E710)
For people with social anxiety,mathematicians on the autistic spectrum, agoraphobics etc it is a great relief to move into Tier 4 as the ground is very wet and wet paper is no used for trying to understand how the ancient Hebews built Solomon’s Temple which needed a good approximation to the number we call pi But where is my step ladder?How high is a Tier?
Just when we all stocked up with Xmas puddings for 25 relatives we are told we can’t have visitors To think I’ll have to eat them all myself before the New Year or die in the attempt Send some immodium please.
Boris Johnson is now known as The Pendulum or, for short, Clock-head or Dandelion No doubt we can have all the neighbours and relatives over on Good Friday as the churches will be closed unti we find God or at least a message and a clue
Feeling blue? Why not have brandy with your Weetabix.But don’r ride a bike at the same time
On the autistic spectrum? Buy some sunglasses before you go to a party. And most people have no interest in Wittgenstein, infinity,waves and particles, the meaning of life,Theology, poetry, modern music or art, what is uncountable, angels on pins, Try Strictly Come Dancing,baking, having a new kitchen,new shoes,Nigella Lawson, new jokes, whether to move house, people falling in the street, old people being dead for 2 weeks before the neighbours,gossip,slander, greed, sin in general and particular,lies you have told. your fantasy life, things you stole from the Office, your new phone.
I put on my new lipstick to show my husband who said: Congratulations, you have found some lipstick exactly the same colour as your own lips
I said on going out: I forgot to comb my hair,he said It doesn’t make any difference.
He went so fast on the North Circular I finally learned how to fasten my seatbelt But was that kind of him?
I myself could only drive at 90 mph so I gave up before I killed someone
I went into Boots to buy some Foundation.A lady came up to me saying she didn’t like her complxion and what did I have on, because that’s what she wanted for herself! Then at the bus stop someone asked me the name of my lipstick As I wore none,I felt embarrassed.I should have invented a name
However with time passing and Lockdown I no longer get any compliments But it seems in the wider world women are having troubles with males acting badly