How will we be affected by the ban on rosary beads being used on buses?How many extra police will we need?This could solve the job crisis!Similarly, will nuns have their veils removed in Shopping Malls and dog collars only be allowed on dogs.Whatever next? Take that St Christopher medal out of your car window lest it harass a secular person.
At last I have got the shoes I want, Mary shouted to her friend Annie over the garden fence
What are they
.. gold coloured stilettos, purple knee-high boots, or the most expensive trainers in the world?
No they are from eBay and they’re really second hand which is what I wanted because I wanted someone to have broken them in for me.In the past when I bought second hand ones they looked like newc and felt just as uncomfortable
I gave the boiling water treatment to some of them .
These are made by the people who make school shoes or at least a used to do as I have a very strong suspicion that children wear trainers to school now
They are flat brown and broad with the rubber soles to matcg.
There is a silver button on one side which is the only fancy thing about them and most important they gave removable insolea
Well which of your beautiful outfits will they go with, Mary? And she said this without a strange sense of irony
Annie, I do not think you’ve grasped the main point of my problems with my feet. At the moment I can only wear slippers and in the summer that’s possible or even certain kinds of sandals but in the winter not of my shoes are comfortable anymore even though I’ve lost weight in my feet went thinner but it’s the joints
I wonder why no one has done enough research into rheumatoid arthritis to find some way of helping us without putting us on low doses of chemotherapy drugs
Steroids can take away the pain but if and give you other problems like with me they
cause me to develop a violent rage with anybody near me
I sometimes wonder if Benjamin netanyahu is taking steroids
And the orange dictator is thinking along these lines for soldiers. god forbid it
Mary had got a little room full of tools for dealing with shoes like she’s stretches wideners boiling water to four into them and many other secret tools that cannot were disclosed on the internet like clockwork mice with large feet that run up and down the inside of the shoes all night not to mention running around your bedroom moving all your things about just say this to yourself
It’s those clockwork mice again.
Don’t forget to come back to see the photographs of Mary and her shoes
?
114 Funny Death Puns and Jokes (Die Laughing!) – Independently Happy https://share.google/r4yS8t6sDhVbOpUgL
Will glass coffins become popular?
Remains to be seen!
Mary had been reading a new book called,” The Path” by Michael Puett and Christine Gross-Loh.To her surprise, she saw it reviewed on her phone where she read the guardian news
.She had decided to get out of bed on the other side
When she awoke the next day, she remembered her vow.Unfortunately, she forgot she was inside a fleece sleeping bag with a zip on one side only.Should she get some scissors and cut her way out on the other side?Or was that a foolish idea since nobody but she would know she had failed her to keep her first new promise.
She heard a noise and then her friend Annie came in wearing a long satin nightgown and a green velvet trench coat.
How do you like this, she asked Mary?
Mary was very red yet silent
What is wrong, with you Mary?
I need to pee but I can’t get out of bed on the wrong side.
You have no choice, said Annie.You must not wet the bed or die from a burst bladder. Get out on the right side
But I feel a failure on my first day.
Maybe that is your lesson.Accept you can’t do it and get on with your day.
Mary ran to the bathroom.What a relief passing water can be to poor ladies who suffer afflictions in these regions.
Annie went down to the bijou yet complex kitchen and began to make some toast and boil some eggs.She gazed at the peach walls and melon cupboard doors unable to decide if she liked them.Maybe kingfisher blue might have been better.Too late now.Mary could not afford a new kitchen even if this one was really old.At least it was not orange as was common in the 70’s.
Mary came in with her golden hair standing up on end like candlesticks from the Synagogue.
I just got a shock, she said
I can see your hair is standing on end.Was it the electric socket?
No, there was a man looking into the window and I was naked in the bath.
Perhaps it was King David, Annie joked.Why don’t you have frosted glass?
Stan said it would frost itself in the winter.He was the least practical man in the world.
Maybe we could glue artificial frost onto it?
Who was the man, asked Annie her cheeks pinker than her perky pink lipstick by Licumb ; those lips which were so thick and sensual with a lovely curve.
Mary tore her eyes away from these lips.I didn’t have my glasses on, she said.Maybe it was a man from a hot air balloon?
Maybe someone fancies you at last,saidAnnie.
Do you think I’d go out with a man who does things like that?
No, you could stay in with him, Annie joked, as tears of mirth made her green eyeshadow and red mascara stream down her cheeks like rain after a nuclear explosion.No wonder men ran after her in the street.
You could succumb to his charms,Annie whispered.
I think I’d like a man more sensitive than that, Mary screeched.
Well, Mary, you are so lacking in knowledge about the art of flirting you only notice men when they do something really wild or unusual
Like what, asked Emile who had just munched up a bowl of dried cat food and was full of energy.
Well, Stan kept pretending he loved reading Newton’s original writings which he bought from some unusual website thinking it would impress Mary. However as he failed O level maths 5 times he could not understand it.He sobbed and cried in the public library and Mary was moved by his grief.Later on, though, he became angry at her intellectual talent and took me as his mistress to get back at her.She never even noticed!
I don’t see how having a mistress is a revenge on poor woman who was given her genes by God, said Emile.
Don’t be daft, she buys her jeans from TK Maxx, Annie answered.
And so do all of us.
I can’t write any more right now!
The roses by your gate
Revealed my sweet fate:
That I would love you in summertime,
That my poetry would always rhyme,
That a dream of petals falling from above
Would drench us both with sunshine’s golden love;
That we would fall into deep grassy meadows
Full of daisies,lie on our backs.
Swallows Darting across the sky would see
Our shapes intertwined with bright buttercups..
Who knows when love will erupt
And carry us on its flowing waters To places unreachable in summer saunters?
Into the eye of love itself.
The park sloped to a river behind trees
The other side is a large burial ground
Where my father’s body lay, bereaved
In the flowered park we sat and grieved
We heard the thwack of tennis balls resound
The park sloped to a river behind trees
Children can’t imagine mother’s pleased
When her strong support lies underground
As my father’s body lay, bereaved
Children torment others , poisoned bees
Sensing sweet fragility inside
The park sloped down to hide behind tall trees
Now my mother lies where I ‘ve dripped tears
As if I hope a flowering shrub will shade
And father’s body lies with mother’s, pleased
Memories may well alter .don’t deny
Our mood affects the colour of the sky
The park sloped to a river. grave the trees
I once hoped that my dead could be retrieved
https://www.sleepfoundation.org/insomnia/treatment/what-do-when-you-cant-sleep
Who It’s Great For:
Controlled breathing is excellent for people just getting started with relaxation techniques or who have difficulty using other objects of focus like imagery or mantras.
Why It Works:
Mindfulness is centered around slow, steady breathing and a non-judgmental focus on the present moment. By reducing anxiety and rumination, it has been found to have sweeping health benefits7, including an ability to help reduce insomnia8.
How to Do It:
There are many variations of mindfulness meditation for different situations. One easy to use style is the body scan meditation9.
This version is adapted from UC-Berkeley’s Greater Good in Action (GGIA) program that offers audio recordings for this and other mindfulness meditations10.
Who It’s Great For:
Anyone can meditate, including with mindfulness meditation, but it can take more practice to get used to. As a result, it usually works best for people who can devote at least five minutes per day to increase their comfort with it.
Why It Works:
Progressive muscle relaxation11 (PMR) creates a calming effect by gradually tightening and releasing muscles throughout the body in conjunction with controlled breathing.
How to Do It:
Who it’s Great For:
Studies have found that PMR can help people with insomnia12, and when done carefully, may be beneficial13 for people who are bothered by arthritis14 or other forms of physical pain. PMR is not recommended for people with uncontrolled cardiovascular problems.
Why It Works:
Visualizing a peaceful image from your past and all of its details engages your attention in order to promote relaxation.
How to Do It:
Who it’s Great For:
Visual thinkers who easily recall past scenes replete with details are ideally suited to using imagery as part of their bedtime relaxation.
Negative consequences are rare for relaxation techniques, but a small number of people find that they can provoke anxiety. Anyone with concerns about trying these methods should talk with their doctor for specific advice before getting started.
Even experts in meditation find that their minds can wander during these relaxation techniques, so don’t worry if it happens to you. Instead, stay calm, keep breathing slowly, and try to bring your mind back to the main focus of attention.
If you get into bed and cannot fall asleep after 20 minutes, get up, go to another part of your house, and do something soothing, such as reading or listening to quiet music.
Lying awake in bed for too long can create an unhealthy mental connection between your sleeping environment and wakefulness. Instead, you want your bed to conjure thoughts and feelings conducive to sleep.
Make Healthy Sleep a Priority
Get sleep tips, expert information, deals and more delivered to your inbox.SIGN ME UP!
Your privacy is important to us.
Before you actually get into bed, a few simple tips can help make sure your mind and body are prepared to fall asleep easily:
Beyond the immediate run-up to bedtime, incorporating fundamental sleep tips can aid in falling asleep and prevent serious sleeping problems.
Staff Writer
Eric Suni has over a decade of experience as a science writer and was previously an information specialist for the National Cancer Institute.
Sleep Physician
MD
Dr. Singh is the Medical Director of the Indiana Sleep Center. His research and clinical practice focuses on the entire myriad of sleep disorders.
+17 Sources
InsomniaUpdated ByEric Suni|October 7, 2022
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Want to Sleep
Small rain in summer
Pools on large green leaves,
Makes all birds dumber
Silently they weave.
Wrens fly to and fro
Nesting near the house.
They know where to go
With nestlings and spouse.
Simple life of green
Hiding in lush leaves.
A space to be unseen
Humans only grieve.
Where is our safe space,
Where can we live well?
As anguish veils the face
In green thoughts I dwell
Walking through unceasing traffic outside the main hospital,
I saw Anne Frank at the bus stop,I thought
There was a young woman with seven children,
Jewish,I saw.Little ones shyly offering us their seats.
I asked if she lived nearby.
No, we live in Stamford Hill,North London
What a shame you have to come so far,
for this terminus is inside the hospital grounds,you see.
Oh,no!We did not come for the hospital.
We came to pick fruit on that lovely farm down the hill!
Yes,we have been there too, it is very beautiful,I say.
It’s easy enough on public transport,she murmured softly like a little girl.
The children gazed, demure and polite,
I could see their smiles were not so far away.
I asked her,Would it be offensive
if I gave my husband a kippah
as he is tired of his hat?
Not at all,she murmured,smiling.
Why,you can get them anywhere now…Stamford Hill,Golder’s Green
She took off the hat from her son’s head
to show me how white his skin was there.
She told me how they just came back from a seaside holiday.
Too soon ,their bus came.She’d be ready for a cup of tea or two.
I saw eight faces smile,just a little smile,you know;
enough it was and all for me.
The oldest girl waved her hand gently as the bus left.
I see this is not just a place with a hospital.
It’s got a pick your own fruit farm;it’s got woods,hills,
fields with horses,tomato filled greenhouses,large white houses.
When they close their eyes they’ll see the green and the sunshine;they’ll see the woods on the hill.
And I shall see them and Anne Frank too ;it was the hidden smile.
Why,I see it is almost the Mona Lisa too.
A smile can be such a mystery.
Emerging from a hospital,tests,blood,anxiety.,machines,..
it’s like dreaming,
it’s like being given a hint;
there’s another time intersecting with this
and history herself brushes against my cheek
with a rare intimacy
that makes me both smile and weep.
It’s always here,but we don’t see…
It’s not a hospital only;
it’s a doorway to other worlds
and what worlds,indeed.,
The saying
Never pass water in public
Might make it difficult if you live near a lake or river.
Or it’s been raining and there’s a puddle on the pavement mother told you never to pass it in public
Never skate on our water until it freezes
Passing water can be hard for the elderly so remember this when you’re drawing up your walking expedition. Don’t take them to the lake District.
Now moving on what about passing out?
I once passed out at the dining table but usually soldiers pass out after they’ve completed their training. That’s why they look so numb
Some drugs make me pass out the main one being gtn or glycerol trinitrate. This is a treatment for angina which blows open all your arteries. But if you are inexperienced and use too much of it you will feel as if your eyes can’t see properly your scalp will start to sweat profusely and the world will shrink around you
If you feel like this try to kneel down or lie down on the floor to avoid injuring yourself when you faint. Is there any happened to me once and it was horrible
Remember not everybody is drunk when they act in a strange way because it can also because of diabetic medication to lower the blood sugar.
If it goes too low you can actually pass out or even die
But your doctor won’t get into trouble because they were giving you the treatment recommended the fact that it affects you more than other people it’s nothing to do with the doctor.
They are all terrified of being accused of doing something wrong
Well that’s only right isn’t it?
By the way if you pass large amounts of water and feel terribly thirsty that may very well be a sign of diabetes.
If you get to the point when you’re losing weight it is not because your drinking half a point of water before every meal. It is that you’ve got diabetes your body cannot take the sugar out of your blood to feed the cells and for some reason which I don’t quite understand it begins to digest your muscles.
I’ve known two friends who were so happy they were losing weight until the real reason was found.
One of them had an eating disorder and she could eat very few foods so she concentrated on cheesecake as being full of protein
You can’t live on cheese cake
You could live on bread and cheese plus salads and maybe some boiled eggs, tomatoes etc
I said I am waiting for transport not where is the banned port
I said I’m writing my blog not get lost in the fog
I said I want good pain relief not I want to compare our disease
I said I love Pablo Picasso not you look very declasse
I said I’m going to pick some apples not I’m going to lick some nipples
I said I like Stephen Leacock not I’m turning into a peacock
II said am I too old to blog not go and fall off a log
I said I prefer cats to dogs not I prefer rats to frogs.
I said do you like a hot dinner not don’t tell me you’re a sinner
Too old for sex not I shall break all your necks
I said what is your name not you are entirely to blame
I’m getting tired of all these misunderstandings and you think I’m just rambling
I said are you a psychiatrist not I’ve got infantile paralysis
We can get spectacles for our eyes and hearing aids for our ears but what can we get for our minds?
Main course
Moussaka with road machine and dictators
Codswallop in batter with rude potatoes and green fleas
Roast teeth and Yorkshire flooding with speaking careful broccoli
Rascal’s Lamb with Hint Sauce
Lasagne with chips,tea bread and butter thrown in.
Corned beef smash and cabbage
Beef stewed in Wales with French Bread and roast tomatoes
Pudding
Roly poly jam with steamed air.
Lemons on mice.
Oranges sliced and baked in a stone dish with marmite [You keep the dish]
Full flat yoghurt with fruit of the day
Christmas Cake pudding and bustards
Minced lies and branded nutter
Steamed Yemeni sponges with angels wings and refugee camp plus tent
I remember all the humorous things we did
Peering into windows lit by lamps
Climbing cliffs then chased by geese and dog Walking down from Redcar, sea so still
After Saltburn Pier, the cliffs high jump
I remember all the funny things we did
Wandering Whitby in a sea grey smog Eating a pork pie cut into lumps Climbing cliffs then chased by geese and dog
Old Hunstanton , white sands where we’d sit
The wild spikes of the gorse spread out unclamped
I remember all the colours,scents, and that
I feel the joy inside my heart is lit
Woe is leavened by old nature’s stamp
Climbing high then chased through mud by dogs
We see in shadows shades are not so stark
In Studland Bay astonished by skylarks
I remember all the humour and the love .
Climbing cliffs then caught by geese and God
We were chased by geese in Devon after climbing a cliff.No doubt chased by a man after we peered into his garden
Are you worried that you’ll suffer starvation?
Are you one of the poor of our nation?
There is pi in the sky
God only knows why
Mathematics is no good for emotion.
At the end of the month we were short
Our money had got very taut
Instead of a roast
We tried baked frogs on toast
Now we’re both feeling stunned and remote
I can’t say I love a red pepper
And my husband prefers unsmoked kippers
But we all have to eat
Try cows heels or their feet
And just keep your lip a bit stiffer.
I am glad I can pay income tax
When I have paid it I love to relax.
So I must go out to work
I’m an MP, see me smirk
I won’t up your tax that’s a fact
Teacher why have you brought a cat to school?
So he can learn to read
He can’t even talk.
I’m not going to get him to read out loud..
Why have you brought a frog to school,
Because I was coming to school when I found him.
Well don’t come to school via the Bullring tomorrow
Teacher to girl why have you got a curtain ring on your finger?
It won’t fit on my toe
Why have you got a hat on in the classroom?
I wear it outside as well.
Are you Jewish?
I’m not sure but I thought I’d practise the rituals
Surely your parents must know whether you’re Jewish.
They’ve not been speaking for the last 10 years.
The should go to a marriage guidance counsellor.
They’ve not got married yet.
And how old are you?
I must be at least 9 months.
If you were 9 months old you wouldn’t be able to talk.
There’s always a first time for everything.
But you’d be a newborn baby.
Can’t they talk?
Have you never seen a newborn baby?
Yes I have seen them when my mother gives birth and she says to them I’ll never have sex again.
And what do they say?
It’s too late now
This is about breathing and meditation
https://www.spiritualquestions.org.uk/tag/wilson-van-dusen/
The chattering cacophony of cars
Underneath the silence of the stars
The echo of lost voices,faces, smiles
To which our little heart is always loyal
The horns that shriek, the trains that wreck the track
The vision of the lost who can’t come back
The loaded wagons and the violin
The orchestra that plays as we go in
The crackling of the ice the skaters skim
The refugees whose clothing is too thin
The scream of Munch, the horror he foresaw.
The end of Europe in the first World War
The decorated War Memorials grim
Reminding us that no-one ever wins
However folded rivers sigh
Watch fields of barley unreel red eye.
Bad-mouth the world then eat the sky;
And thro’ the weald the toads run by
To moody glowering Havelot; And chips in hand the fishes row, Gazing as the matrices’ glow Refine algebra with its flaws
The Geometry of My Blot.
Pillows quaver, aspirins quiver, Little wheezes flush our livers With two eyes mauve that gleam forever
By the cardinal’s email love
r Fleeing down to Grab a phone. Fifty shades of grey ,balls powered
Overload the ovarie
And the silent male implodes
For the Lady, will she Not?
Ar my jargon, pillows wailed They read the heavy sheets in braille
Slow and blue the duvets failed
The dry mop shuttered silk and pale
Slapping down wi fi Hotspots
But which computer saw her glands?
Or at her thyroid wondered long? Or is she known to heartless men, The Lady M.A [aegrotat]
Only drapers, fold sincerely
In among the beds and parlours,
Hear a gong that echoes queerly From the river bounding eerie Down to showers for Camper’s Foot And on the Lune, the sweeping fairies
Pile the leaves in uplands barely Listening, whispers “‘Tis the lovely Lady with a white Teapot
Mary and Annie had invited a new neighbour for tea.They got out the big teapot and some blue cups and saucers made of china
Is there enough milk,Annie enquired?
Yes,I’ve got six pints, my finger must have trembled when I was ticking the box for the order
Milk keeps much longer now than it used to Annie cried plaintively
Maybe the cows are given preservatives .Mary mused
You mean the cows eat them,Annie asked?
Well, it’s just one possibility,Mary thought out loud
Now, where shall Edna sit?
You sit on the sofa with her and I’ll sit in this swivelling chair
OK,Annie muttered as she shook the door mat and brushed Emile the cat
The doorbell rang.There stood Edna in a purple wool coat and red hat
Come in,Mary whispered.Let me take your coat
Edna went and sat down by Annie while Mary carried in the tea tray
Have you had your vaccination yet, she asked Edna gently
Oh, don’t talk about it,I can’t bear injections Edna said in an argumentative manner
So don’t you have blood tests,is that wise?
For God’s sake, don’t mention blood ever or I’ll scream
Are you afraid of it?
I don’t want to discuss it, nor urine, Edna said as she swigged the tea and filled her cup again
I’ll be glad when Donalmld Trump leaves,Annie said in an effort to change the subject
Why don’t people like him,Edna asked furtively.
He is a rich man with a beautiful wife
I don’t like people merely because they are rich.Mary informed the other ladies
I don’t mind them, said Annie, unless they are vulgar, greedy, liars, and sons of the devil
That is a very prejudiced view,Edna told her.Everyone is entitled to behave exactly how they want
Well,Annie said,I’d like to lie down on the grass over there by the river and have sex with that psychotherapist who lives across the road But it would cause scandal unless lots of people did the same
Has your imagined lover got no bed,Mary teased her?
I think that’s disgusting , in a an older woman said Edna.I suppose that’s why you have that teal eyeshadow and mascara on not to mention your rose lipstick.I’ve seen it in Harrods
I got them in Channel supplies in Birkenhead.They are near the Mersey Tunnel
It’s a long way to go,said Edna.How do you get there and why is it nor called Tunnel Supplies
I follow a man on Facebook and he often drives up there so I get my car out and keep behind him all the way on the M1 etc
Does he know about this?
No, he’s not following me on FB any more
I wonder why that is, Edna mused with a strange sneer
He is paranoid,I suspect
No wonder,Mary said.He thinks he is imagining you.
I hope his imagination is as pure as the driven snow,Annie answered
Well, we’ll never know.Look at Princess Diana….she had many lovers..
I hate her, said Edna viciously
Oh,dear. said Mary.Did she hurt you?
No, she was cruel to Prince Charles.Her mind was innocent then and she had no repertoire of the sexual arts
Many women were virgins when they were single.How would they know such mysteries?
They could look at porn,Edna said rudely..
Do you look at porn, Annie asked her kindly?
Well,I would if I had a lover,Edna murmured shyly
Maybe they should teach it instead of algebra,Mary suggested, though once it was an instinct
The parents might be angry,Edna said sadly if their children knew more than them
But intimacy is not merely sex,Annie told them politely
It’s being able to to reveal yourself to the other person without fear
and I don’t mean wearing see through nighties
Emile mewed loudly
Mother, don’t you wear one.The milkman might see your body
I find them too cold anyway,Mary giggled sensibly
If I get another man he will have to like wincyette or fleece
Well,good luck, said Edna.No English man would want either of you
Edna you are very rude,What is wrong with you?
I’ve got pre-traumatic stress disorder and there is no cure
Well,use your common sense or just keep quiet and sulk silently
And so say all of us.
When I die I am going to Heaven
To sit by Mr Aneurin Bevan
We will eat buttered Welsh cakes
Float in hot blue lakes
Oh final thought, how about Devon?
I wonder if I am perverted
For writing my poems with ten verses
They say we’re post modern
And swearing’s forbidden
So are magic,religion and cursing.
I wonder if I can be fluid
A man or a woman or druid?
I can be other
Since I have no mother
But what about rats in the sewage?
To economists we are just” Labour ”
We’re units when once we were neighbours
Gender’s quite useless
True love is a nuisance
Capital makes Money our Saviour
Why not buy a new winter coat
Decorated with the fur off a stoat
Weasels are cheaper
Cats purr and pierce you
As you sail ‘cross the Styx in a boat
I thought I’d not marry again
I’m a feminist along with the men
But a m\n tried to hug me
And tickled my kidneys
He says I’m charming the snakes into sin
But I think I am past getting wed
I just want to go straight to bed
Not just for the pleasure
Of getting his measure
No, it’s just that my organ’s half dead
I’d gaze into his eyes and feel good
As at last I’d feel well understood
We don’t need to chatter
About any matter
Nor scratch like the cat and draw blood.
I think my bed is too small
The headboard is stuck to the wall
The mattress collapses
As do my synapses
Who do you think should call?
I’ve been untidy ever since I was born
I lost mother’s breast and her warmth
I’ve been looking forever
I got rather clever
Now I’ve lost my old man in the corn
From time and place and season I am lost, Disorientated ,missing tracks well worn.
Do not suppose I’m unaware of cost,
Nor label me with epithets of scorn. For usual paths lead to the usual place.
The safest way to live and perhaps to die,
But wandering through the woods I find new space
and in wild grasses with the fox I lie.
Through distant trees, I see a way to go
As narrow as a slit in pale limestone.
I pass in silence as if in deep,deep snow.
My courage rises even as I groan. Remember when we’re lost ,we may then find
Another way,a place,another mind.
How my heart speaks 