Their names changed frequently

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Art by Katherine [ from photo of my leg with a bleeding insect bite]

Jim Brown was in his new conservatory admiring the windows he had just

polished.His 82nd birthday was coming up in a few days

Marie,his stunningly attractive yet irritable,nasty and over educated

wife,a leading authority on Wittgenstein and most likely suffering from

Asperger’s syndrome into the bargain,….oh a cliche prone author too—!

had made a huge whole orange cake and planned a large gathering of friends to

celebrate his survival for so long whilst married to her,not easy sheknows.

He heard a sharp tapping on the door.

There lay Lucy   their next door neighbour   spying through the keyhole.

“Are you on your own?” she queried tersely yet rudely.

“No, yet I’m suffering from chronic existential anxiety” Bill lied politely.

“Well,I just saw Martina on her second hand Raleigh bike going to the

market or the Charity Shop or possibly leaving home for ever….”

“Well,I still have the cat here”,he whispered loudly as if he were free

associating in a dream

“Let me in and make me some coffee” she asked courteously,

“She’s an odd one” the cat Emile thought naughtily.

“Where’s my Carnation cat milk?”

“Real or instant?” Simon answered suavely yet naturally.

“Won’t it wash off your brand new coral lipstick from Chanel of Paris?…

not to mention your factor 60 sunblock.”

“God’s whiskers” she murmured quaintly to herself.

“How does he know it’s Chanel?

Is he a spy or what?

Is he in M.I.5?”

John got some instant coffee and debated whether to put in a little LSD to

add some visions to their morning!

No,a short breathing exercise would do he concluded after 9 minutes of obsessive

anxiety.

He sat down in his favorite old wooden Habitat chair having poured the

coffee into some old plastic mugs.

“Did you know Habitat is going b..b bankrupt?” she brightly stuttered

turning pink with happiness and the menopause which so far had lasted over 30 years.

Suddenly Lucy sat down on Bert’s lap and began to kiss his right eyelid

“Careful, my darling!” he muttered insensibly.

He was savouring the annoyingly uncommon pleasure when the chair fell to pieces as it

frequently did at such times, throwing the elderly but

versatile and experienced couple down onto the new Mary Quant patterned pure New

Zealand lambswool carpet.Suddenly they heard the peal of Mary’sbicycle bell.Shortly she

walked into the room carrying 78 bags of groceries for the birthday party.

“What’s going on here ?” she murmured seductively in a piercing shriek.

“I’m so sorry, Jenny, please accept my apologies, he has this thing about

chairs.It’s a fetish ,I  believe,   according to Sinald Floyd.””

“Have you got your mobile?” shrieked Tom agonisedly in a  loud whisper.

”I can’t get up.” he screamed softly.”Am I dead?”

“What cannot stand up must forever remain lying down”

As my old philosophy tutor at Cambridge used to say, muttered Marty.

“Why, that’s  bit extreme,” said Jane uneasily yet gallantly.

.”MY tutor said “Who cannot speak must forever remain silent.”

“Oh,who was your tutor?”

“Elizabeth Ansconbe!” Amy admitted furtively.”She knew Wittgetensin well.”

“Mine was Iris Murdoch!” called out Alf.

Later they heard a silent siren.It was the emergency ambulance.

Dick, the paramedic bounded into the room.

“It’s this chair”  said Marie urbanely.

“Can you mend it for me? My husband can’t manage without it!”

“Anything else, madam?” Rick queried anxiously.

“Any coal to fetch in,tins to open, blocked toilets?”

“Later maybe.”

Danny looked at Joan.

“Your eyes look like two deep pools in the Caspian sea.” he whispered into her left ear.

“Are you on another creative writing course?”she quipped .urbanely

“Yes, we’re on eyes at the moment; what colour is that eyeshadow you have on.”

“This is called winter teal” She admitted uneasily yet seductively.

“Did you know I’m a transvestite?” he admitted happily.

“Yes”,she replied dishonestly

.Kitty liked  to give an impression of omniscience owing to her ontological insecurity and

her ignorance of theology and also her narrowly trained mathematical mind.

Unfortunately, that frequently gave men the wrong impression.

Mamie cried out to Al,

“Get on with it,my sweetie!” So he took out a big tube of glue from his

jeans’ pocket and set to work reconstructing the chair.

“Oh,dear, Stewart looks a bit odd”

“No,he looks quite prime to me.”

“Is he an integer?!”

“No, he’s a transcendental real number”

“He’s a number all right.”

“Never mind, we’ve just got new wheelie bins so I’ll put him out with the

rubbish,”

Marty joked on hearing Amy’s remarks to Zach.

But Simon was not yet dead.He merely had fallen asleep.

He dreamed of his days at Oxgridge University studying illogic and unreason with

Rudolphina Catnap, the famous female philosopher.Oh, happy, happy days!

Danny made the ladies some Ceylon tea in the fabulous oak kitchen with its pure linen

curtains in raspberry beige. and its black enamel sink with

matching double oven and microwave.”Why no halogen?”Iris Murdoch might have

asked.

“What is a human life,”he pondered.He was studying logic as well as writing.

He began to tremble like a leaf in the wind to use a freshly recycled old

cliche.

“Help” he called,”I’m having a panic attack.Hurry I’m dying,I believe.I

need a priest“

“You can’t have a panic attack,” shouted Marianne

“Paramedics heal themselves.”

“Does God heal those who heal themselves,  he  wondered as he lay under a pile of

broken china?”

“Where’s the tea?” called the ladies.

Ah ,if only Wittgenstein were here,he would know,thought Emile.

But I disagree.Only God would know that and He won’t say usually as he

speaks another language known only to the few.Though sometimes one may hear it on

the wind deep in a thick forest.

That’s what I believe.

Here endeth the first lesson… no more today

Leave evil for good

From anguish,pain and paranoia flee

Into calm and joyful states of mind

Keep your balance so that you can see

To yourself and all the lost be kind

Do not linger in the shopping mall.

Do not meet the ladies as they lunch

Flee to parks and gardens, flowers and soil.

Flee to sandy beaches,find a bench.

If you feel such hatred, what’s the evidence?

If you have been wronged oh do not sulk.

Much good in life arrives by happenstance.

Do not cling to angry thoughts in bulk.

Exercise your body with romance

Even nasty places give a start

To finding the true path with mind and heart

Goodbye

I thought I loved a man with all my heart

Until I ate your famous apple tart.

I thought that I could live inside his arms

Till your heat destroyed his little charms

I was too kind so now I shall be cruel.

You must fight a sex fiend in a duel

I needed to escape his lassoo long

So I burst into a moralistic playgirl song

He could could afford no golden ring for me

He banks with only HSBBC.

I said he had to save me on his Drive.

He hates Google,ain’t that a surprise?

Mary,Mary

Mary realised her voice was louder than most when people took out their hearing aids when she talked to them

But was she right?

There are alternatives explanations such as people were not interested in Wittgenstein but in the cost of living

She did find her booming voice useful when phoning doctors,

Why had her voice got louder as she aged? Could her doctor have given her testosterone instead of oestrogen?

Off she went to meet her doctor on Zoom

Oh,my God her GP shouted.

When you said you were an 85 year old mathematician I assumed you were a man but your voice was feminine hence I gave you male hor.mones to deepen it and make it more authoriative

Why don’t you change your gender ? he continued

I don’t feel like a màñ

How do you know how men feel ?

They have felt me in bed with an urgency that surprised me

If you tell them you are trans they won’t feel you anymore

Unless they are gay

And so say all of us

Disagree agreeably

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http://bigthink.com/influence-power-politics/disagreeing-without-being-disagreeable

“Skilful communicators know that words are weak vehicles of meaning. They realize and remember that many people choose among them quickly and that what is meant is often not what is said.

This mindset is difficult to acquire. Most of us proceed each day to operate on unchecked inferences and judgements. We assume far more than we check, thereby trusting observations that are inaccurate. Arguments often result.

I’ve devised a shorthand method for avoiding such communication pitfalls. It’s a mind-exercise routine to expand powers of observation. It bypasses the tendency to react impulsively. Over time, it becomes a way of disagreeing without being disagreeable.

The acronym for this is PURRR. It’s useful in helping to remember the steps involved and evokes the image of a cat calmly responding to its environment. Here are the steps involved:

— PAUSE the next time you’re about to formulate a judgment about a person based on something he or she has said or done.

— Make sure you UNDERSTAND what the person meant, which may involve inquiring rather than assuming.

— REFLECT briefly on whether the intention was to insult you. In any case, try to place your focus on the issue at hand.

— REINTERPRET what was said in a way that allows for a considered response rather than an impulsive reaction. Share that reinterpretation (e.g., “We actually agree more than meets the eye,” or “I believe there is only one rather small issue on which we still have some disagreement”).

— REDIRECT the conversation onto a path that best serves your own or mutual goals (“If we resolve this one aspect, or agree to disagree, we’re on a good track”).

Let’s suppose your usually easygoing boss is in a foul mood. He approaches you and angrily says, “I need that report tomorrow. No excuses.” You weren’t going to be late with the report. In fact, your work is never late. You are at a choice point. Do you react defensively? You could ask, “What’s wrong with you?” But what’s the primary goal? Is it to get the work done or fix his unusual mood?

It may be better to PAUSE. Upon REFLECTION, you may UNDERSTAND his comments were out of character. Perhaps he is under pressure. Rather than focus on his bad mood, which will delay your work and get you into a discussion at a time when he is angry, you could REINTERPRET the event as a one-off slip on his part. Next, REDIRECT the conversation onto a productive path. One way to do that is to simply reply, “I’ll have it on your desk first thing in the morning.” This response bypasses the relational (bad mood) component and instead focuses on the content of what he said (timely delivery of the report).

There are times when after applying the PURRR process, it’s clear that the comment was just too personal or outlandish to let it pass. At least you won’t have flown off the handle by making something that is about the other person (current mood) about you as well. If you’re prone to making disagreements into disagreeable situations, this technique may be just what you need.”

Good for the sick

They are giving out packed lunches in the hospital so make sure your relative has some sharp scissors and Elastoplast plus a plate.

Soon they will get all their meals this way after Microwaves are installed

Alternatively you can bring them food from home. a quiche

will last for 3 days in winter .As will tomatoes.

Or send pizza to the Ward.

We can’t feed everyone.

We are not your Saviour.

If you feel àt death’s door stay at home

Why not shoot yourself and end the torment now?

Irony is good for you

A comma makes you British 2

My tree. Katherine copyright

I can’t pass the written English exam for immigrants because I rarely use punctuation marks.They annoy me

But it you were born here it is alright.Is that fair?

There’s many a comma twixt failure and success

If you don’t know, you will just have to guess

You may get it right, you may get it wrong.

Put that new comma right where it belongs

God is in and with the suffering not in church

By Katherine

One friend became an atheist till her grandson got cancer

Then she prayed

Let him get Better and I will start going to church again

Do we think God needs us to go to church?

He needs us to help the poor starving, suffering, lonely

Going to Church is for the Church

Power.

Did Jesus plan to build a Church?

It is ridiculous

Guilt in Eden

Digital art by Katherine
By Katherine

For three weeks I had a virus so could not exercise.I was concerned because my muscles are not in the ideal condition

I mentioned it to someone who said

But it’s not your fault

That is true but our muscles will get weaker if we don’t use them for ANY reason.Whether it is our fault or not

The body does not know why we don’t move It just reacts to how we use it

Oh for the happy days when we could fall over and get up again

With no injuries