Dear God, Decide with me;You see the evil minds The darkness weeps; bairns in me confide When mother’s helpers fail and contort glee, Smoke all the kippers and make a cup of tea.
Drafts blew off my clothes and cinders burned all day; Earth’s toys grew thin; its stories passive,grey. Change and replay is all around for free O Thou who changest notes, save some notes for me Come not with terriers, nor as king with wings But underwrite the good, with healing and new strings, Tears for wholesome souls, new heart for every bee Come to lines of sinners, and be derided by a flea
Thou on my shed in early youth laid tiles And, though it seems ridiculous We’ve reversed them all meanwhile, Thou hast not written me, as oft as I‘ve written Thee, Yours sincerely, Lord
Is keeping a blog a necessity? Is reaping the whirlwind atrocity? Please make a full answer with brevity Or my wits may explode with sheer levity.
Is marriage a mistake far too hasty? Is washing the bed sheer depravity? Please prove your email’s veracity. Or my Company will be very nasty
Why do we sin with tenacity? And have sex when we have no elasticity? Do write down your thoughts without acidity. And reflect your emotion in tranquility.
A game is such fun when in amity And is fair except when played in emnity. Please kiss your own arse with great dignity. I speak here in jest without bigotry
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times in a very real sense.Mary dreamed Stan was in heaven enjoying the company of Wittgenstein,Jesus and Pascal , not to mention Lady Jane Grey Ann of Cleves,Juliet,Cleopatra and an angel.At least at this point in time he can’t sleep with them ,she thought as she woke up.Though did that matter? Can men be faithful and monogamous? Look at Leonard Cohen.Was he better off flitting from flower to flower? Was he so stunning that women threw themselves at him and he could not resist?Sometimes people are actuallyafraid of intimacy or feel life is short and want some new experiences.Was he a wolf? It t akes one to know one
It was indeed almost the worst of times when Mary remembered she had no food in the house except cat food for Emile.He was all she had now as her daughter Lyra lived in Australia and Stan was in heaven, she hoped.
Here I am, she thought, pondering unanswerable questions and not looking after myself .It is probably best to err on the side of buying food and going out rather than lying in the bed wondering if life has any inherent meaning. or if we must create our own.
Even discussing that with someone else would be better.But men folk don’t want to discuss serious topics with their lovers.
It was an even worse time when she recalled a man who once loved her leaving her because she asked him if he knew what post-modernism was one night after going to the cinema to see a comedy.She realised then that she would have to play a part,To act like a woman.So far it was but moderately successful owing to her myopic view of life
If only I had kept quiet, she told herself,I could be lying beside him now enjoying a few kisses and hugs and asking him how to light the electric fire.Still ,there’s many a slip twixt cup and lip
Now then, said a loud voice.
Stop ruminating and get up. One stitch in time saves nine
Who are you to say that to me, she called nervously ?She wondered of stress had driven her round the bend.She had begun reading a book which said mental illness in not an illness like flu.It is a reaction to bad events and other life strains.
It doesn’t matter who I am,just do as I say, came the answer
Mary recognised the voice.It was her dad who had died when she was 9.
Dad, she called, why are you here now?
Because Jesus told us to love our family, he revealed pleasantly.
Why now after all these years? she persisted.I have missed you.
I always did have a bad sense of direction,he told her.But do as I say.You won’t recover easily if you never get up.Stan is here but he is busy cleaning the gold cutlery for an angel.
Alright, but I never knew there was cutlery up there, she murmured as she put on her new clothes.She had bought some purple trousers and two new jumpers.One was pink and one was teal.The trousers were exceptionally comfortable being in a last years sale by a famous label..She then found some Weetabix in the cupboard and some long life milk.As she drank her tea she admired the acer’s brilliant red leaves.
Almost too bright, she thought.It’s due to the hot September.Plants are affected by their environment and so are we.Especially by bad or hot tempered men and women
Poor people may have more than in the past but they tend to live in the ugliest areas of the town with no gardens nor parks.
And seeing the better off walk by wearing expensive clothes it is surprising there are not even more muggings.
She recalled seeing a man with a Rolex watch and gold earrings on talking on his new iPhone as he wandered through the Mall.I suppose we think everybody else is like us; we don’t mix with very poor or very rich people on the whole.Unless we are one of those two types.
Mary went outside and found a neighbour wheeling in her bins.
Thanks ,Tom, she cried.I wondered who it was.I am very grateful.What is post modernism,by the way?Nobody will tell me.
Emile was watching from the window sill.
I knew it was Tom, he mewed.
But you didn’t tell me,Mary replied.
You didn’t ask.
Tom wandered off ,while Mary admired the autumn trees lining the road.Tom turned back and looked at her but she didn’t notice.
Time for coffee, she muttered and went inside again.She was embroidering a table mat which said “Rumination is for the birds”.Where it had come from was a puzzle.
Oh, brilliant leaves are now turned duller red.
The first day of our Brexit winter time.
From the sun bright colour had been bled.
What seemed innate was stolen then instead
As life is taken when we pass our prime
The shimmering leaves are now turned brownish red
Oh,sadly know the leaves face sudden death
Torn from branches where boys used to climb
All the foliage flies in one last breath
Mystics hear the still small voice of God
When all is lost and meaning ‘s but a line
Those high leaves for tramps shall make a bed
When we had it,what was it we had?
We hear the Word when we have paid the fine
Once lovely leaves are now turned dull and dead
For only sun expressed what had been fed.
The sun took down the grey cloaks from the sky. Those clouds deprived us of her brilliant light This light will please my spirit and my eye
The branches of the trees gleam from on high And on the shrubs the leaves shine in my sight The sun dismissed the grey cloaks of the sky.
Nature, though deceptive, cannot lie. She ,like us, swings from the dark to bright Her light has pleased my spirit and my eye.
An artist paints, her picture poetry. Through her work, the hidden world delights For sun dismissed the grey clouds from the sky.
A sculptor plays with marble till it cries The truth we need to feel and then to write Creation raises spirits and our eyes.
Yet even in the darkness,poets write Maybe like the past, by candle light The sun has dried the grey clouds in the sky. New light caresses spirits prone to sigh.
Mary had ordered all of her groceries but she forgot to put tea on the list So she sent Emile to the corner shop with a note tied to his collar
Please give the bearer your best tea.
Emile went off and managed to get into the shop after some children who were getting sweets with their pocket money or debit cards
He went up to the counter and mewed, Mother has sent you a note.
One of the children laughed
Is your mother a girlfriend of Mr. Kumar?
No, she is not, Emile growled with a loud throbbing voice
Mr. Kumar led Emile behind the counter into his living room and spoke to his wife
She asked Emile to sit down as she went into the kitchen and poured him some tea from her China teapot
.Do you want it on a saucer, she enquired thoughtfully?
Yes, please, said Emile. This is very kind.
He leaped onto the rug and began sipping the Ceylon tea. This makes a change, he murmured.
I didn’t know you could just walk in and get free tea!
After a few minutes, the shop door crashed open and he heard Mary’s voice
Oh, Mr. Kumar, I am so stupid. I sent Emile out to buy some Twinings tea and he has not come home! What shall we do? She started crying and dabbing her eyes with Stan’s hanky.
Come through, he whispered politely. Do not weep, dear. All is well
Mary came in and saw Emile drinking his tea and winking at Mrs. Kumar.
Emile, you stupid cat. I was going crazy worrying.I’ll strangle you!
Is it my fault, he replied. I only gave them that note you sent.
But is it not obvious what I intended? she said plaintively
These days you never know, the cat muttered. I try to be obedient as far as I can.
Mrs. Kumar came out and gave Mary a cup of tea.
Sit down, dear. Worry is so bad for you. Why did you not phone us?
Since it was just a packet of tea I thought Emile could carry it. He is very intelligent normally.
Yes, I am, thought Emile as he looked at Maisie, the Kumar’s lovely cat who was asleep on a chair.
I wonder if I can wake her up, he asked himself.
Does she drink tea?
Would she like to start a family? It’s not too late for me to become a parent.
Maisie opened her eyes
What’s that cat doing here?
I only came for the tea, Emile told her. But you look very beautiful. Shall we meet tonight
I’m washing my fur, she told him with a smile
How about tomorrow?
Have you got a phone?
No, he said, I’ll just caterwaul at dusk and if you are free I’ll be under the red maple tree waiting for you
Good grief thought Mary.
This cat is very cunning. Just one chance and he is making the most of it.
Mr. Kumar gave her some tea and she wandered home in a daze after asking them for a drink on Sunday.
My social life is looking up but there’s no-one who will hug me. If only Emile were bigger!
His legs are too short!I should get a donkey instead
Mary was making a beef and beer casserole. But her casserole dish lid was too high for the small oven on her gas stove What shall I do, she asked Emile.her cat? I don’t know, mother, he told her.I never cook
I’ve told you before,I am not your mother. Well, you feed me and wash me and keep my bed clean I did that for Stan.I hope he didn’t think I was his mother He was older than you, the cat informed her boldly Yes.indeed he was 50 years older than me! I know what to do, Emile mewed. He stood by the phone and pressed 999 Soon the bell rang. In ran Dave, the transvestite paramedic dressed all in white as if for tennis What’s wrong now, he enquired? I can’t get this casserole dish into the oven, said Mary I know what to do. Have you got either a pyrex plate or a cake tin with a loose bottom? Mary looked into her cupboard and found a 6 ” plate Dave put it on top of the dish having removed the high domed lid. There we are, he cried. What number shall I put the oven on? 3 please, said Mary. You are so creative, Dave. Brilliant Would you like to come back in 3 hours for a meal? I’d love to, Dave cried. Unless I get called out by someone who needs me to find a knife and fork so they can eat their dinner Would people really do that, Emile whispered? You would not believe what people demand when they ring 999.
I have not seen forsythia glow so bright The flowers exult in yellow on the shed Even in the darkening of the light
For many days my mind has been upset I did not know where I had lost my head I have not seen forsythia glow so bright
My eyes were focussed where our terrors bite Without love’s consolations in my bed Even in the darkening of the light
Barbaric words of humans hate incite As the Prophets sadly have long said I have not seen the sun glow quite so bright
The dirty look, the eye so sly, the night The terror in our dreams, the bloody heads Here they come, in darkness, in our flight
Come my dearest,take me as I’m read By words expressed, the dangers have now fled I have not seen forsythia glow so bright Now the darkness dances with the light
Daddy where were you when I was sad I bought you Woodbines in Mather’s corner shop I carried your boiled egg with salt on plate You lay in bed adorned with wreaths of smoke
Uncle Herbert died when I was five Not many of Dad’s brothers left alive But Bert was old and all his children grown He lay inert, the coffin dark, the stone
I saw yours and Grandad’s too, the oak The Cemetery filled with men and broken hearts Baffled grieving we would love seek And for Mum’s mother’s grave, we tried to look
We too will lie down in the earth In communion with our parents ,love and birth
Where are you going this morning, Mary enquired her best friend Annie.
?
I’m going to take “The mathematical l experience” to Jane’s house. I’m giving it to her daughter
How can you take an experience round someone’s house?
Well all your experiences have made you into the person that you are and so they’re always with you wherever you may go. But this one is actually a book. I think Jane’s daughter will enjoy it. Maths degrees can be very boring when they do not discuss history or social context.
Well it would be no good to me, said Annie unless someone like E Nesbitt rewrote it for children the way she did Shakespeare’s Plays. Maybe set it to music
I think E Nesbit is dead but it would be wonderful if someone could do that. What source of music would it be? Possibly something like Stravinsky
Now what shall I wear ?
Mary donned a pair of thick trousers but they seemed very tight .
Have I put weight on, she murmured confusedly?
No those are leggings, they must be winter leggings. You can’t go outside in those. Not unless you want to be an object of hilarity and scorn
Why n?
They show that your knee has collapsed which is not a pretty sight and also they may be too clinging around your female organs.
I wonder what the difference is between being clinging and too clinging?
It needs the expert eye of a woman who loves clothes.
Suppose I wear a very long jumper over the top Mary replied plaintively.
Well lt won’t hide your knee but then who is going to look at you now? I suppose someone might look at your face my
Only a very old partially sighted man would look at me now I suppose Mary replied feverishly
Maybe a horrible neighbour will notice and pass a remark
Mary told her we can’t live our lives trying to escape the rude remarks of horrible neighbours. In any case it’s all in our paranoid imaginations. Everyone is through caught up in their own thoughts to notice these details
Anyway stop talking I’m getting tired.
That’s the trouble with being old Annie replied. Nearly everything is too tiring whether it’s talking
getting dressed or washed. Or especially vacuuming the house and garden
Not to mention the pavement and the roof.
Mary gently picked up the mathematicak experience from the table in the hall
She went outside and across the road to where her neighbors Jane lived.
Hello Jane. I have brought a book for Rosa.
Jane looked at the book and said that’s very kind of you Mary but Rosa has decided to change to social work.
That’s a big leap from mathematics said Mary randomly
Well Rosa is concerned at the state of the world and she was trying to escape by going into the world of mathematics but unfortunately it didn’t work for mainly because she’s never been very good at mathematics but also it seems inhuma to spend all day with numbers and symbols.
So now she wants to help people who are suffering as they’re always on her mind anyway.
Wow said Mary she must be a very thoughtful intelligent girl with a very kind heart
Come in said Jane and Mary went in followed by Emile her little cat
Hello Rosa she cried I brought your book but your mother says you are no longer doing mathematics. Would you like me to get you something by Richard Hoggart ?
I’d love to read The uses of literacy the teenager replied sumnily. No one will write a book like that now.
I’m sure I can get a copy on eBay Mary told her ignorantly; that’s where I got this mathematical experience book.
You can take this anyway because you might keep mathematics as a hobby.
Thank you very much Rosa replied people it may help me to understand why otherwise sane people go to university to study mathematics.
Archimedes didn’t go to university, said Emile the cat. Then nearly everything that’s been invented was not invented in a university and maybe that’s the problem of our time. By the way how did you teach your cat to talk?
We didn’t teach him to talk and the vet says it’s probably genetic
One of his ancestors must have been able to speak English and he has inherited it although listening to the conversations between me and my husband Stan might have helped him.
Yes it did the cat informs them and I miss Stan very much. I pray for him every night in front of that statue in the living room
That’snot the statue of God it’s a sculpture by a woman from Suffolk.
Well it looks like God to me, Emile replied. He just gazed admiringly at the mantle piece where the sculpture of a tiger sat.
But surely if that was the god that Jesus was preaching about God would not have appeared as a tiger.
No God may have been quite gentle then but since the 20th century and the 21st century his
It’s brought out the more aggressive and destructive side of his nature.
Sometimes sunshine makes us feel bereft Rain and shadowed clouds would suit our mood When we are the warp without the weft
As if we are the pen and no ink’s left As if we hunger yet there is no food Sometimes sunshine makes us feel bereft
Our mind slows down and all we do is drift Evil thoughts into the soul intrude Like we are the warp without the weft
Let the eye and all its muscles rest With wider focus we may cease to brood Sometimes sunshine makes us feel bereft
Do not try with will power nor it test Relaxation brings back knowledge of the good We take it in like babies at the breast
We must not test the will but let it go Trust the ocean and eternal flow Sometimes sunshine makes us feel bereft Sometimes sunshine brings its golden gifts
Jack had just taken early retirement from his old job as a maths researcher. in Knittingham university.His large collection of books was overwhelming the home he shared with his excitable French wife Simone.
Simone was still working at the university cleaning computers heads all day long.Now she was hoping that she and Jack could do more entertaining.If only he would get rid of some of the many books he owned!
Simone left for work wearing her new pink cord trousers and a dark blue denim knit jumper with a long lasting beige foundation from Max Factor covering her red complexion.
Jack gave the cat,Louisa, a hot bath in goat’s milk.Now instead of being grey she was cream coloured!
I’ve been dyed,she shrieked politely but Jack never replied.
He pondered,as he dried her what to do with all his maths books.He had thought of making a large collage but who would want it?
Or he could donate them to the university or have a fire in the back garden.
Suddenly he looked up and saw a very charmingly pink faced woman peering into the window.
It was his neighbour Mima whose husband had disappeared last year,possibly inside a wheelie bin,though no-one was sure.
Hello,l,did you want me?” he cried nervously
I thought you might like some company for morning coffee.What a pretty cat.what is her name?”
Louisa was wary of Mima.Maybe the purple trousers and orange jumper might give the cat an epileptic fit… she was a sufferer, just like St Paul.She hoped to be converted but so far was disappointed.She longed to see a vision of heavenly cat food in the sky.
Can cats go to Mass? she mioawed to Jack.
Yes,but they can’t have Communion,he responded furtively
Well,we don’t eat bread but I love wine!
I’ll mention it to the Pope next time I see him,Mima said with a roguish smile.Her make up looked to be waterproof as the drip in the ceiling was right above her head and heavy rain was falling yet her face did not change at all.Was it plastic coated?
But Louisa,you would have to confess your sins.All your sins
I never did a thing wrong in my whole life ,the cat replied haughtily.
Well,you know the Church is only for repentant sinners,so if you never sin,you can’t repent. so it follows indubitably that you can’t join the Church! I studied Aristotle once so
I get all logical with emotion.I only wish I’d got to Wittgenstein..I could have loved that man….though now I seem to recall he was gay…still,who knows?
If that were true about the Church,would Jesus be allowed to join?
Certainly not.He was perfect and also he was Jewish.So why would he want to join a Christian church?
As he began it, he might like to see its holy life,Louisa purred loudly.
Really,I think this is a very odd conversation murmured the parrot,Felix Semper.
Not so odd,responded a tall dark man who just appeared from nowhere.
I am called Jesus he said,but I’m from Malaga.
In Spain many men are called Jesus,he continued mellifluously.
Is that so, cried she murmured tenderly.
I never met a Jesus before.If you married me it would give people a shock if I said I was married to Jesus! she whispered loudly behind her hand.
Marry you! Is it leap year? Women have never proposed to me before.
I was just thinking out loud,she replied demurely in her soft voice.
Nuns used to be married to Jesus and wore a silver wedding ring.
I was educated at a convent school.That’s why I’m so very neurotic.
Are you really neurotic? Jack,screamed neurotically
I have a whole shelf of books by Karen Horney here.Self Analysis, is just one.
I could give it to you now….
Not in front of Jesus,she muttered chastely.
Have you no moral feelings?
No,I’ve never had any feelings of any sort in my entire. bu life but it’s done me no harm.
I’ll ask Simone when she gets back, we’ll see if she agrees!
I’m just like a computer with a human body.
I sometimes think I’d like a suit of silver armour.
Bless you,my child,Jesus murmured.
When they looked up the tall dark man was gone.
They looked around but he had left no footprints.
Should we call the police?He came in with no permission!
How disgraceful.
How dastardly.
How disgusting
How damnable.
How divine.
How dumb.
How deplorable.
So on they murmured until it was time to cook lunch. for the cats and birds.What a morning,what a life.
How my heart speaks 