Senior semi lapsed Catholics’ to do/be or not to do/be programme


1.~Start early to prepare for Confession if you still go

Commit an interesting, but harmless to others,  sin early in the week to avoid that dumb panic on Saturday at 5 pm
You may already have done this accidentally,
Do NOT kill anything nor tempt others to sin [my, I never knew I was so attractive]
What sin is interesting without being wicked?
Do let me know

Never tell a sick friend that you can’t visit because you are going to Mass,  Vespers ,lighting candles etc
Never talk about religion unless others  do first.In any case, it’s probably better to avoid it

One of  the main points of religion is to remind us we are not God and never will be.
Leave it all out if  you like, but keep this.
You don’t have to go to church to   listen to the Sermon on the Mount or to spend a short time alone with yourself and present to your self…. in that, we may find some connection we didn’t know of.Similarly you can sit with a  friend having a hard time without lecturing them on how you would cope

5.Try to ignore that desire to correct others errors including  do  help them by mis-pronoincing a word they just mis-pronounced; unless you are a teacher in school
and especially theological errors

6.Listen for the still small voice rather than shouting a list of desires godwards.He/It/She is not Father Xmas

7 Go into a wood and forget everything including this.

Read theology by people who are NOT Catholics like Martin Luther King

That’s it for now

Sins of humour

So,how are you getting on with your SoulMates choices
I’ve just met someone who disbelieves in the same God as I do
What about his job?
He’s been fired just like I was
Well,this sounds promising.Does he have a sense of humour?
Yes, he’s trying to live on Benefits
Is he in good health?
No, he’s in Godmanchester
Is he well dressed?
For an unemployed widower, yes!
Where does he take you?
To the public convenience
To save water.
Where else?
To the library
Does he read?
He read History  at Nottingham
And what does he think?
He’s still in shock
What about?
Is he doing Ancient History?
It’s all ancient or it’s not history
Will you  marry him or  join a nunnery
It’s not all black and white, you know We might live in sin
I’ve never been,is the climate good?
Hot as hell
So it will raise your Vitamin D?
To infinity
You don’t say. can I come?
Don’t ask me.I’m annoyed
If Boris Johnson had gone to a Polytechniciv none of this
mess would exist
Just a different one
Could it be worse?
Oh, much worse.
The hills would be mountains
The sea an ocean
Do you write poetry?
No,I speak it
Is it a tongue?
Who decides?


Doctor,I don’t feel ill- be patient

Doctor,I can’t eat my dinner
Try drinking it

Doctor I’ve got an ulcer on my bunion
Don’t keep showing off

Doctor, the cat bit me
That’s not a cat, it’s a tiger cub
Do I have to die while you carry on about names?
No,I’ll be silent

Doctor I was sick on the TV
Fame at last!
How can I get it clean?
We didn’t do that at Medical School.

Doctor, my wife is expecting a baby
Are Amazon sending it?
No,Hermes, they say between 6 and 9 pm
Well,  make her something nice to eat
I’ll show her the recipe
And she will just show you the food.
Can’t I feed the baby?
Are you transgender?
Not yet but I live in Hope
Go back where you came from
That’s what they said to the Jews and look what happened!
Has God spoken to you?
Yes,but in Yiddish
You can’t expect him to learn English
But he expects us to learn it.
Oh, stop babeling on

My toe etc

Despite the ulcer on my little toe
The shoes went on and fit me  like a glove
No doubt I’ll get some corns but they won’t show
At least until  we marry  for  pure love

I lost my ring but  bought one in a sale
An imitation diamond,I’ll   blowed
That’s not my thing at all,I’m hard as nails
Why don’t snails have lights on, then they’d  glow?

The doctor thought he’d  cut my toe  right off
A drastic measure for an ulcer bright
Until he heard me give a hard,dry cough
Begone you rat, for I   don’t want your  bite

I wander barefoot in the Forest green
Envy me, you workers, love my scene



We see not what ‘s there,we see our self

The eye is not a camera taking shots
Our mind affects the aspect we perceive
And what it feels important it allots
Gives grace or hatred ,causes us to grieve.
When we are afraid ,we see the worst
We see disgrace or ruin as our fate
As if our self for horror has a thirst
So all the little details we collate
Yet when we love we see before us joy
The flowers each sing, the birds dance in the air
We see no evil nor with hatred toy
All aspects of our world appear more fair.
We see not what ‘s there,we see our self
To learn ,we must employ our own mind’s wealth

Not again



Will you  kindly hear my Confession,Father?
Yes, I am  here.
I have committed the wrong sins.
Any sin is wrong,dear
I mean,some people break into a bank and steal millions
Yes, but they usually end up in jail
Well, in jail I wouldn’t have to boil  my husband’s hankies
But won’t you feel sorry  for him with no drawer of neatly ironed hankies?
Maybe after a few years
Get back on track.What are these sins that you call wrong?
I am fuming with rage,madness and jealousy but I don’t let them show.I act pleasant
Well, that seems very kind to me.
Not to you.To my sister and my brother
But  our minds are not our own.These feelings arise.It is not a sin unless you do something cruel because of them
I’m unsure if I believe that.Is there no way of living where we don’t have those   feelings?
I suppose if you lived on top of a pillar in the desert but your mind might wander back
I think it would.Why do minds wander?
They get frustrated by boredom.So maybe you need something stimulating to do and then you need to be contented
I thought I was contented.But clearly I am not.There’s always somebody somewhere who  has more  then I do
You seem to have a brighter mind than many.
Yes,it wears me out.
You should  just wear it lightly
How do  you wear a mind?
In or out?
When in doubt,say nowt.
And do you repent?
I am trying
I so agree.You are but never mind.God has forgiven you now.
I’m not sure about these rites.Still,It lets us reflect which is good
For your penance look in a mirror and admire yourself three times a day
Well, that’s a very  unusual penance.Can’t I whip myself and call myself a bleeding idiot?
Now, that really would be a sin.What are you ,a sado-masochist?
Oh,dear.I have fallen  into evil ways.I hope  God won’t turn me into a pillar of salt
As a child, I thought it was a pillow of salt
We all see and hear things in our own way.
May the Lord  bless you and keep you
May he let his countenance shine upon you

Walk in ferny woods. exchange a glance


Wasting life when we would like to dance
Walk in ferny woods. exchange a glance
Can we have a decent  person at our head?
Jesus Christ,no b*gger understood

Why be happy when you could feel mad?
Glad that Donald Trump is not your dad
Don’t  let  logic, reason or plain thought
Sell you something Mother  never bought

Why not let   the police take all control?
They know  how to score a self made goal 
They can kill a  man and wound a child
Yet kneel down in Church along the aisle

Holding a black Bible in one hand
Will not take you to the Promised Land
Cain and Abel,Jacob and Esau
Does he hopen to start another War?


As the old man fell towards his death
They offered us a handrail for the bath
I was so shattered by their wilful lies
I could not speak, my saliva had all dried

He was walking albeit slowly when at home
When they took him off I heard the groan
Lost inside his head, no wife nearby
Even Satan would have wept  that night

Gabriel and Satan, hand- in -hand
Neither one will ever understand
We humans waste so much,we’re almost blind
Full of envy,hate  and  so unkind







People killed by motorcars don’t count
Three times fifty thousand just last year
Covid’s  killed 1/6 of that they hint
Whose ghosts will gather round the kitchen fire

Here’s a man who drove when almost blind
He  crashed into the chidren leaving school
Here’s a lawless lady who can’t find
The brake, the map, the  light,  the book of rules

We can’t fly to  to to Chile,Singapore
We’ll have to drive to Devon in our cars
We  may have an accident at home
Or get so drunk we fall and see the stars

It seems we  have forgotten we’re like flowers
A moment’s beauty , then the  heavy showers






Test your own eyes

I nearly died of laughter when he went out for a drive
Simply,purely, only to test his   bleary eyes
He put his toddler in the back, just to be quite sure
He would not be orphaned if his father crashed the car

To make  it even safer he took his good wife too
Even though she felt quite weak after having flu
They went to Barnard Castle, not just round the  block
The river Tees is very fine,  the Castle on a rock

It was all or nothing;was it murder,suicide
Taking all your loved ones on a really dodgey ride?
The Unconscious has impulses of which we do not know
Like sending cripples out to buy their own food in the snow

What can we deduce from this, is he Head of State
Ascending up to heaven,  does he want to  emigrate?

For a moment everything was still

Religion has been privatised like gas
I know in church we still can hear the Mass
Yet  no Chaplain comes to dying men
I did my best alone without a plan.

Inside the  holy sanctuary  bare
I became the priest and comforter
I sang the sacred songs and  gathered crowds
Outside our little cubicle they bowed

I saw a canopy of golden cloth
Hanging down from heaven, as it does
It came nearer till it touched his soul
I was silent, love can’t take control

For a moment everything was still
A little bird sat on the windowsill
Then the cloth of gold was lifted high
I wept  the precious tears for those who die.

That one eternal moment gave us grace
I see your  deep blue eyes, your smiling face

My husband brushed my hair when it was long

I ate an apple with some  quiche lorraine
Tomorrow I shall eat the same again
Boredom or monotony  is bad
I’m sorry but I’m feeling very sad

I like chocolate,I like double cream
I’ll soon get diabetes, intervene
Get the doctor here and I will weep
My feelings like the underground run deep

I threw away the beef  and ate the cheese
Don’t blame me,I  never aim to please
Of course I am a liar but just when?
That’s the koan, soon we will be Zen

We need skin  or we would fall apart
I don’t want to see Dom Cummings’ heart

I   never liked  his manners and his dress
Thank you,Father,now I can confess

Boundaries are also contact zones
Think like this and you will write a poem
Love like mine is precious do not spill
The  precious blood, the Body on the Hill

Stroking other people is so nice
I pretend that I have seen a thousand lice
Then I hope that they will all stroke me
If only it were summer  they might see 

My husband brushed my hair when it was long
Now he’s dead I cut it off with prongs
I want him to come back  but noone can
Like Catholic sex  it’s sinful  so it’s banned

He used to make the dinner every day
Now he’s left me I shall have to pray
Does God expect me to survive on grass
As a meal  after we go to Mass?

I gave him flasks of tea to  drink in bed
I read the Emile stories,Satan fled
When he smiled and nodded then I wept
Why did noone help me pass the test?

I washed his clothes as often as I could
8 pyjamas, hankies ,was it good?
In the end he wore a dressing gown
It has coloured spots on and it’s brown


In the labour ward

I was born the day that we bombed Dresden
Though my mother could not help to load the planes
She was in the labour ward in lockdown
When human sacrifice was born again

I would not suck her milk after Hiroshima
Though the radiation never came near us
It set a precedent and made me thinner
Easier to carry on the bus.

Life and death eternal fought within me
I survived in that I am still here
Though is living really what it used to be?
Death and evil almost won the War

Keeping thin is a well known procedure
To get through slits and slots however small
But are we each permitted to show grief here
Or must it live behind a metal wall?


More than 1200 heavy bombers carried out attacks on Dresden.I was born a bit later but prematurely.

Turn off that light

I’m in deep now,never been this deep before
The world’s hollow like a shell and I’m out its door.~
In so deep, the ocean has its own startled floor.
I’m down,down.down.never been so dark , so more
I can’t rightly tell how I got where I am
I think I had an accident,fell over, then I swam.
Sometimes it’s a loss, be times it’s a man.
I guess I only do it ‘cos I know some folk can.
I don’t know if the joy is worth the pain
Would I choose to relive it if I was born again?
The deep joy is the amazing gain.
But the sorrow is damn sad, let’s admit it plain.
I’m in deep and it’s over my head
What was I thinking of,when I fell out of that bed?
I look up and the sea’s so turquoise like that mist is red
When we get good and mad and wish some loon was dead.

At first, it was all just black,black pain
But from the bottom of the well,
I looked up with awed love again.
That’s when I recalled,feelings are broad and sane
Joy is much greater when we’re in the deep,deep zone.
I dunno if I’m ever comin’ out.
We can’t control it,ain’t that what life’s all about?
I’ll never love with innocence again,nor not feel doubt.
But I’m no teapot and the devil ain’t got my spout.
I’m swimming and the ocean’s so mysteriously bright
Down here we don’t have no day nor no night
Fish nudge me with big grins and teeth white
Sea flowers fondle me and whisper,turn off that light

Carnation, orchid, daffodil and rose


How softly sweetly,gently flowers pose
Carnation,orchid ,daffodil and rose.
Their complex petals form a  living shield
Yet bees with much striped force shall make them yield

Appearances,both natural and contrived,
Mixed with the wiles of human nature thrive.

As, knowing not, we pluck the apple rare
And bite its flesh,with teeth we have to bare

.We too deceive the innocent who pass
Not seeing watchers hid behind the glass.
The windows break,the deep earth quakes;
Seized is the maiden ,  he her virtue takes.

Beneath the surface, force and fierceness thrive.
What fearsome, burning God enjoys our lives?

Copyright © Katherine