Chat to strangers and let your kids be bored: how to embrace a ‘slow September’ – and enjoy life more

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/sep/04/chat-strangers-kids-bored-embrace-slow-september-enjoy-life-more?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

Memories of my cat

Memories of my cat can comfort me

My fingers recollect her little paws

I caressed these paws as she  slept on my knee.

She seemed to smile, I watched her teeth and jaw

I wish I were secure like my cat fair

We have dangers both inside and out

I used to hear loud footsteps on the stair

I wonder what my nightmares were about.

Mum was in the kitchen very near

Dad had a big belt  I feared its blows

I knew that daddy loved me , is that clear?

But as the Cancer grew its temper showed

I know they’re gone, the cat the parents too

There is no one left ,is that the clue?

Mary and the red coat

Mary wore her new garnet red winter coat to go to the dentist and doctor who were in the same building.Unfortunately, it was shorter than her wool skirt, which had a quite few moth holes in it First, she had to see the doctor. Hello dear, how are you getting on without your husband? Can’t you afford a new skirt? He calls now and then.He told me he has bought me a house in Ealing. Did he give you the address? No, but if I am living in Ealing I shall have to change doctors. You can change here if you want to. But I like and respect you, doctor Thank you so much.Very few people ever praise me.And unlike you, many people come here in dirty old clothes. I just got this new coat.I may not have needed it, but ,to me, it is a symbol of wishing to return to life again. That’s a good one.I’d better not tell my wife! Is she quite extravagant? Not really.I suppose there is no absolute level of spending which defines extravagance.What is normal for Princess Kate would not be for my wife.It is I suppose a way of dressing so you look ok for the life you lead and does not get you into debt. Surely you like your wife to look good? As long as she feels good, I don’t mind. Anyway, why did you wish to see me? Well, you don’t come very much so I wanted to see how you were getting on I had a panic attack in the waiting room just now.I got vertigo Are you frightened of me, my dear? No,I really love you, doctor. Shush, that is not allowed I just meant in a Christian sense although you are a Hindu.But when it comes down to it all religions are about compassion and love if we look carefully. That is hard to believe nowadays. I know.I suppose it’s an ideal to aim for. All I can do is do my job well and look after my family and my patients. Find God in the little things.See how small an acorn is and wonder.If I swallowed one would an oak tree grow inside me? No.it would have to grow by the sewer Imagine under the ground may be thousands of oak tree growing Only if silly idiots swallow acorns! I’m sorry.I have this vivid imagination.Can I have it removed and put a plastic one in? Not yet but no doubt it will happen.Go outside and walk around a lot Why? Because I have decided you are ok and we’ve talked enough. Thank you so much, doctor. And so say all of us Then Mary picked up her red coat which the doctor had not seen and she went into the dentist waiting room.The kind receptionist got her some water as Mary did not understand the machine.Uncountable infinity, yes.Water machines, no. This dentist was a most beautiful young woman darting about like a coloured fish in the deep ocean. The filling is still here!The tooth broke.I shall repair it for you. Thank you, Mary told her.It is almost a pleasure to come here. Almost? the dentist replied. It’s a day out for me, Mary told her.I don’t meet intelligent young women like you so much. Oh, my.I forgot to feed Emile.Hi, can you send a cab, please? I must go home or my cat will never forgive me. A handsome young man appeared with a silver car.It almost seemed like a dream.How would Mary know? He was a Muslim and his wife a Christian. And both are good to us.

True love’s vision

A rose
True love is not a feeling but a path
Discovered by a new perception of our life.
Our vision is less skewed by pain and wrath,
We see in true proportion and true size.
True love desires just vision of the good..
And asks for nothing but the eyes to see.
The violence in our bones and in our blood
Is less and with creation we agree.</p>
<p?But risking the abyss of love brings fear.
Just hope of satisfaction tempts us to progress.
To God or to a loved one we draw near.
And as we walk we find anxieties grow less .
Yet human life is always full of doubt.
Acceptance is a way to make this naught

Continue reading “True love’s vision” →

Discarded shell ?

Skinless in this shell I hide
Peering through the crack outside
I see enough to pass as real
I fool you too, I cannot feel

Inside my shell I live and breathe
Here my thinkings are conceived
I know there is a larger world
I lived there once,but back I’ve curled

I lie here like an unborn child
Listening to the sea so wild
Which other creature once dwelled here,
Discarded shell and knew no fear?

I see the trees and sky so bold
I hear the wrens,I see the gold
Will I ever come outside
When my true love lately died?

Sky at seven thirty pm

Clouds not black but grey

Striped the sky today

Then the white and blue

Had a gentler hue

Now the grey is pale

Looks like fishes” tails

The sun is almost set.

The watercolour’s wet.

I went up to the gate

The twisted Hazel’s mate.

I love the vital tree

Its branches touch, touch me.

The cat purrs cosily

All I see is me.

Fqll prevention for older people

The main thing is that these guidelines were developed by a panel of experts who scoured the literature and scientific information to find guidelines based in science,” says Dr. Brangman Within the new guidelines are recommendations for intervention that include: an exercise component that combines balance and strength training, such as tai chi or physical therapy. cataract surgery when needed (but only in conjunction with other interventions). medication reduction or withdrawal, especially drugs that affect the central nervous system, such as sleep medications and antidepressants. appropriate management of heart rate and rhythm abnormalities, and orthostatic hypotension. a daily 800 IU vitamin D supplement.

No religion no symbols

How will we be affected by the ban on rosary beads being used on buses?How many extra police will we need?This could solve the job crisis!Similarly, will nuns have their veils removed in Shopping Malls and dog collars only be allowed on dogs.Whatever next? Take that St Christopher medal out of your car window lest it harass a secular person.

‘I was scared I was going mad’: Meg Mason speaks to fellow authors about the parasocial relationships that begin on the page

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2026/aug/23/meg-mason-author-literary-parasocial-relationships-sorrow-bliss-books-nancy-mitford?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

Mary gets her shoes and the clockwork mice.. this post may be useful to people with deformed feet or no money or both

At last I  have got the shoes I want, Mary shouted to her friend Annie over the garden fence

What are they

.. gold coloured stilettos, purple knee-high boots, or the most expensive trainers in the world?

No they are from eBay and they’re really second hand which is what I wanted because I wanted someone to have broken them in for me.In the past when I bought second hand ones they looked like newc and felt just as uncomfortable

I gave the boiling water treatment to some of them .

These are made by the people who make school shoes or at least a used to do as I have a very strong suspicion that children wear trainers to school now

They are flat brown and broad with the rubber soles to matcg.

There is a silver button on one side which is the only fancy thing about them and most important they gave removable insolea

Well which of your beautiful outfits will they go with, Mary? And she said this without a strange sense of irony

Annie, I do not think you’ve grasped the main point of my problems with my feet. At the moment I can only wear slippers and in the summer that’s possible or even certain kinds of sandals but in the winter not of my shoes are comfortable anymore even though I’ve lost weight in my feet went thinner but it’s the joints

I wonder why no one has done enough research into rheumatoid arthritis to find some way of helping us without putting us on low doses of chemotherapy drugs

Steroids can take away the pain but if and give you other problems like with me they

cause me to develop a violent rage with anybody near me

I sometimes wonder if Benjamin netanyahu is taking  steroids

And the orange dictator is thinking along these lines for soldiers.  god forbid it

Mary had got a little room full of tools for dealing with shoes like she’s stretches wideners boiling water to four into them and many other secret tools that cannot were disclosed on the internet like clockwork mice with large feet that run up and down the inside of the shoes all night not to mention running around your bedroom moving all your things about just say this to yourself

It’s those clockwork mice again.

Don’t forget to come back to see the photographs of Mary and her  shoes

?

114 Funny Death Puns and Jokes (Die Laughing!) – Independently Happy

114 Funny Death Puns and Jokes (Die Laughing!) – Independently Happy https://share.google/r4yS8t6sDhVbOpUgL

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Will glass coffins become popular?

Remains to be seen!

Perhaps it was King David

Cats on the hill

Mary had been reading a new book called,” The Path” by Michael Puett and Christine Gross-Loh.To her surprise, she saw it reviewed on her phone where she read the guardian news

.She had decided to get out of bed on the other side
When she awoke the next day, she remembered her vow.Unfortunately, she forgot she was inside a fleece sleeping bag with a zip on one side only.Should she get some scissors and cut her way out on the other side?Or was that a foolish idea since nobody but she would know she had failed her to keep her first new promise.
She heard a noise and then her friend Annie came in wearing a long satin nightgown and a green velvet trench coat.
How do you like this, she asked Mary?
Mary was very red yet silent
What is wrong, with you Mary?
I need to pee but I can’t get out of bed on the wrong side.
You have no choice, said Annie.You must not wet the bed or die from a burst bladder. Get out on the right side

But I feel a failure on my first day.
Maybe that is your lesson.Accept you can’t do it and get on with your day.
Mary ran to the bathroom.What a relief passing water can be to poor ladies who suffer afflictions in these regions.
Annie went down to the bijou yet complex kitchen and began to make some toast and boil some eggs.She gazed at the peach walls and melon cupboard doors unable to decide if she liked them.Maybe kingfisher blue might have been better.Too late now.Mary could not afford a new kitchen even if this one was really old.At least it was not orange as was common in the 70’s.
Mary came in with her golden hair standing up on end like candlesticks from the Synagogue.
I just got a shock, she said
I can see your hair is standing on end.Was it the electric socket?
No, there was a man looking into the window and I was naked in the bath.
Perhaps it was King David, Annie joked.Why don’t you have frosted glass?
Stan said it would frost itself in the winter.He was the least practical man in the world.
Maybe we could glue artificial frost onto it?
Who was the man, asked Annie her cheeks pinker than her perky pink lipstick by Licumb ; those lips which were so thick and sensual with a lovely curve.
Mary tore her eyes away from these lips.I didn’t have my glasses on, she said.Maybe it was a man from a hot air balloon?
Maybe someone fancies you at last,saidAnnie.
Do you think I’d go out with a man who does things like that?
No, you could stay in with him, Annie joked, as tears of mirth made her green eyeshadow and red mascara stream down her cheeks like rain after a nuclear explosion.No wonder men ran after her in the street.
You could succumb to his charms,Annie whispered.
I think I’d like a man more sensitive than that, Mary screeched.
Well, Mary, you are so lacking in knowledge about the art of flirting you only notice men when they do something really wild or unusual
Like what, asked Emile who had just munched up a bowl of dried cat food and was full of energy.
Well, Stan kept pretending he loved reading Newton’s original writings which he bought from some unusual website thinking it would impress Mary. However as he failed O level maths 5 times he could not understand it.He sobbed and cried in the public library and Mary was moved by his grief.Later on, though, he became angry at her intellectual talent and took me as his mistress to get back at her.She never even noticed!
I don’t see how having a mistress is a revenge on poor woman who was given her genes by God, said Emile.
Don’t be daft, she buys her jeans from TK Maxx, Annie answered.
And so do all of us.

I can’t write any more right now!

The roses by your gate

The roses by your gate

By Katherine

Revealed my sweet fate:

That I would love you in summertime,

That my poetry would always rhyme,

That a dream of petals falling from above

Would drench us both with sunshine’s golden love;

That we would fall into deep grassy meadows

Full of daisies,lie on our backs.

Swallows Darting across the sky would see

Our shapes intertwined with bright buttercups..

Who knows when love will erupt

And carry us on its flowing waters To places unreachable in summer saunters?

Into the eye of love itself.

Our mood affects the colour of the sky

The park sloped to a river behind trees
The other side is a large burial ground
Where my father’s body lay, bereaved

In the flowered park we sat and grieved
We heard the thwack of tennis balls resound
The park sloped to a river behind trees

Children can’t imagine mother’s pleased
When her strong support lies underground
As my father’s body lay, bereaved

Children torment others , poisoned bees
Sensing sweet fragility inside
The park sloped down to hide behind tall trees

Now my mother lies where I ‘ve dripped tears
As if I hope a flowering shrub will shade
And father’s body lies with mother’s, pleased

Memories may well alter .don’t deny
Our mood affects the colour of the sky
The park sloped to a river. grave the trees

I once hoped that my dead could be retrieved

What To Do When You Can’t Sleep | Sleep Foundation

https://www.sleepfoundation.org/insomnia/treatment/what-do-when-you-cant-sleep

4-7-8 Method6

  1. Place the tip of your tongue near the ridge behind your front two teeth and hold it in this location throughout the breathing exercise.
  2. With your mouth closed, slowly inhale through your nose while counting to four.
  3. Hold your breath while counting to seven.
  4. Open your mouth and exhale while counting to eight. Because of the location of your tongue, exhalation should cause a whooshing sound.
  5. Repeat this 4-7-8 cycle three more times.

Who It’s Great For:

Controlled breathing is excellent for people just getting started with relaxation techniques or who have difficulty using other objects of focus like imagery or mantras.

Meditation and Mindfulness

Why It Works:

Mindfulness is centered around slow, steady breathing and a non-judgmental focus on the present moment. By reducing anxiety and rumination, it has been found to have sweeping health benefits7, including an ability to help reduce insomnia8.

How to Do It: 

There are many variations of mindfulness meditation for different situations. One easy to use style is the body scan meditation9.

  1. Focus on slowly inhaling and exhaling at a comfortable pace.
  2. Notice the position of your body on the bed.
  3. Notice any sensations, good or bad, in your legs and feet. Let your legs be soft.
  4. Continue the “body scan,” observing, from your legs up to your head, each region of your body and its sensations. The goal is to stay present and observe your body without judging or reacting and then letting each part of your body relax.
  5. After scanning each part of your body, reflect on your body as a whole and allow it to relax.

This version is adapted from UC-Berkeley’s Greater Good in Action (GGIA) program that offers audio recordings for this and other mindfulness meditations10.

Who It’s Great For: 

Anyone can meditate, including with mindfulness meditation, but it can take more practice to get used to. As a result, it usually works best for people who can devote at least five minutes per day to increase their comfort with it.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Why It Works:

Progressive muscle relaxation11 (PMR) creates a calming effect by gradually tightening and releasing muscles throughout the body in conjunction with controlled breathing.

How to Do It:

  1. With your eyes closed, slowly breathe in and out.
  2. Starting with your face, tense your muscles (lips, eyes, jaw) for 10 seconds, then release your muscles and breathe deeply in and out for several seconds.
  3. Tense your shoulders for 10 seconds and then relax and breathe.
  4. Continue tensing and relaxing the following body parts, skipping any area where tensing the muscles causes pain:
    1. Shoulders
    2. Upper arms
    3. Lower arms and hands
    4. Back
    5. Stomach
    6. Buttocks
    7. Hamstrings
    8. Calves
    9. Feet

Who it’s Great For: 

Studies have found that PMR can help people with insomnia12, and when done carefully, may be beneficial13 for people who are bothered by arthritis14 or other forms of physical pain. PMR is not recommended for people with uncontrolled cardiovascular problems.

Imagery

Why It Works: 

Visualizing a peaceful image from your past and all of its details engages your attention in order to promote relaxation.

How to Do It: 

  1. With your eyes closed and in a comfortable position, think about a place or experience in your past that feels relaxing, such as a quiet natural setting.
  2. While slowly breathing in and out, reflect on the details of this setting and how it looks.
  3. Continue focusing on this image by adding details relating to your other senses (smell, sound, taste, touch) and experiencing the calmness of this mental imagery.

Who it’s Great For:

Visual thinkers who easily recall past scenes replete with details are ideally suited to using imagery as part of their bedtime relaxation.

Are There Downsides to Relaxation Techniques?

Negative consequences are rare for relaxation techniques, but a small number of people find that they can provoke anxiety. Anyone with concerns about trying these methods should talk with their doctor for specific advice before getting started.

What to Do About Mind Wandering

Even experts in meditation find that their minds can wander during these relaxation techniques, so don’t worry if it happens to you. Instead, stay calm, keep breathing slowly, and try to bring your mind back to the main focus of attention.

What If I Still Can’t Fall Asleep?

If you get into bed and cannot fall asleep after 20 minutes, get up, go to another part of your house, and do something soothing, such as reading or listening to quiet music.

Lying awake in bed for too long can create an unhealthy mental connection between your sleeping environment and wakefulness. Instead, you want your bed to conjure thoughts and feelings conducive to sleep.
 

Make Healthy Sleep a Priority

Get sleep tips, expert information, deals and more delivered to your inbox.SIGN ME UP!

Your privacy is important to us.

Pre-Bedtime Tips to Help Fall Asleep Quickly

Before you actually get into bed, a few simple tips can help make sure your mind and body are prepared to fall asleep easily:

  • Wind down for at least half an hour before bedtime. Reading, light stretching, and other relaxing activities are ideal during this time.
  • Disconnect from close-range electronic devices like laptops, phones, and tablets because they can stimulate the brain and make it harder to fall asleep.
  • Dim the lights to help your eyes relax, and make sure you’re in comfortable clothing.
  • Make sure your bedroom is set to a pleasant temperature. The cooler the better.
  • Consider a calming scent, like lavender essential oils, that can generate a calming effect.
  • Avoid big meals, spicy foods, caffeine, and alcohol in the lead-up to bedtime.

Big-Picture Tips to Fall Asleep Easily

Beyond the immediate run-up to bedtime, incorporating fundamental sleep tips can aid in falling asleep and prevent serious sleeping problems.

  • Follow a consistent sleep schedule with the same wake-up time every day, including on weekends. This helps fine-tune and entrain your internal clock for more regular sleep.
  • Make time for physical activity. Regular exercise benefits the body in many ways, and facilitating better sleep is one of them.
  • If you have a hard time sleeping, start keeping a sleep diary to identify trends that could be throwing off your nightly rest.
  • See a doctor. If your sleeping problems are severe, long-term, or worsening, it’s important to see a doctor who can work with you to try to identify a cause and recommend optimal treatment.
  • Was this article helpful?
  • YesNo

About Our Editorial Team

author
Eric Suni

Staff Writer

Eric Suni has over a decade of experience as a science writer and was previously an information specialist for the National Cancer Institute.

author
Dr. Abhinav Singh

Sleep Physician

MD

Dr. Singh is the Medical Director of the Indiana Sleep Center. His research and clinical practice focuses on the entire myriad of sleep disorders.

Facebook
Twitter
Email
Print
  • Share:

References

+17  Sources

See More

Learn more about Insomnia

Insomnia

InsomniaUpdated ByEric Suni|October 7, 2022

    Load More Articles

    Other Articles of Interest

    Sleepfoundation logo

    Sleep Information

    Sleep Foundation

    Get the latest sleep news, information and research.

    Sign Up

    Your email address will only be used to receive SleepFoundation.org newsletters. Further information can be found in our Privacy Policy

    The content on this website is for informational purposes only. SleepFoundation.org does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment options.

         

    © 2022 OneCare Media, LLC. All rights reserved.

    Want to Sleep 

    A space to be unseen

    Small rain in summer
    Pools on large green leaves,
    Makes all birds dumber
    Silently they weave.

    Wrens fly to and fro
    Nesting near the house.
    They know where to go
    With nestlings and spouse.

    Simple life of green
    Hiding in lush leaves.
    A space to be unseen
    Humans only grieve.

    Where is our safe space,
    Where can we live well?
    As anguish veils the face
    In green thoughts I dwell

    I saw Anne Frank

    Photo0340

    Walking through unceasing traffic outside the main hospital,
    I saw Anne Frank at the bus stop,I thought
    There was a young woman with seven children,
    Jewish,I saw.Little ones shyly offering us their seats.
    I asked if she lived nearby.
    No, we live in Stamford Hill,North London
    What a shame you have to come so far,
    for this terminus is inside the hospital grounds,you see.
    Oh,no!We did not come for the hospital.
    We came to pick fruit on that lovely farm down the hill!
    Yes,we have been there too, it is very beautiful,I say.
    It’s easy enough on public transport,she murmured softly like a little girl.
    The children gazed, demure and polite,
    I could see their smiles were not so far away.
    I asked her,Would it be offensive
    if I gave my husband a kippah
    as he is tired of his hat?
    Not at all,she murmured,smiling.
    Why,you can get them anywhere now…Stamford Hill,Golder’s Green
    She took off the hat from her son’s head
    to show me how white his skin was there.
    She told me how they just came back from a seaside holiday.
    Too soon ,their bus came.She’d be ready for a cup of tea or two.
    I saw eight faces smile,just a little smile,you know;
    enough it was and all for me.
    The oldest girl waved her hand gently as the bus left.
    I see this is not just a place with a hospital.
    It’s got a pick your own fruit farm;it’s got woods,hills,
    fields with horses,tomato filled greenhouses,large white houses.
    When they close their eyes they’ll see the green and the sunshine;they’ll see the woods on the hill.
    And I shall see them and Anne Frank too ;it was the hidden smile.
    Why,I see it is almost the Mona Lisa too.

    A smile can be such a mystery.

    Emerging from a hospital,tests,blood,anxiety.,machines,..
    it’s like dreaming,
    it’s like being given a hint;
    there’s another time intersecting with this
    and history herself brushes against my cheek
    with a rare intimacy
    that makes me both smile and weep.
    It’s always here,but we don’t see…
    It’s not a hospital only;
    it’s a doorway to other worlds

    and what worlds,indeed.,

    Never pass water in public.

    The saying

    Never pass water in public

    Might make it difficult if you live near  a lake or river.

    Or it’s been raining and there’s a puddle on the pavement mother told you never to pass it in public

    Never skate on our water until it freezes

    Passing water can be hard for the elderly so remember this when you’re drawing up your walking expedition. Don’t take them to the lake District.

    Now moving on what about passing out?

    I once passed out at the dining table but usually soldiers pass out after they’ve completed their training. That’s why they look so numb

    Some drugs make me pass out the main one being gtn or glycerol trinitrate. This is a treatment for angina which blows open all your arteries. But if you are inexperienced and use too much of it you will feel as if your eyes can’t see properly your scalp will start to sweat profusely and the world will shrink around you

    If you feel like this try to kneel down or lie down on the floor to avoid injuring yourself when you faint. Is there any happened to me once and it was horrible

    Remember not everybody is drunk when they act in a strange way because it can also because of diabetic medication to lower the blood sugar.

    If it goes too low you can actually pass out or even die

    But your doctor won’t get into trouble because they were giving you the treatment recommended the fact that it affects you more than other people it’s nothing to do with the doctor.

    They are all terrified of being accused of doing something wrong

    Well that’s only right isn’t it?

    By the way if you pass large amounts of water and feel terribly thirsty that may very well be a sign of diabetes.

    If you get to the point when you’re losing weight it is not because your drinking half a point of water before every meal. It is that you’ve got diabetes your body cannot take the sugar out of your blood to feed the cells and for some reason which I don’t quite understand it begins to  digest your muscles.

    I’ve known two friends who were so happy they were losing weight until the real reason was found.

    One of them had an eating disorder and she could eat very few foods so she concentrated on cheesecake as being full of protein

    You can’t live on cheese cake

    You could live on bread and cheese plus salads  and maybe some boiled eggs, tomatoes etc

    That Friday night feeling of utter exhaustion

    I said I am waiting for transport not where is the banned port

    I said I’m writing my blog not get lost in the fog

    I said I want good pain relief not I want to compare our disease

    I said I love Pablo Picasso not you look very declasse

    I said I’m going to pick some apples not I’m going to lick  some nipples

    I said I like Stephen Leacock not I’m turning into a peacock

    II said am I too old to blog not go and fall off a log

    I said I prefer cats to dogs not I prefer rats to frogs.

    I said do you like a hot dinner not don’t tell me you’re a sinner

    Too old for sex not I shall break all your necks

    I said what is your name not you are entirely to blame

    I’m getting tired of all these misunderstandings and you think I’m just rambling

    I said are you a psychiatrist not I’ve got infantile paralysis

    We can get spectacles for our eyes and hearing aids for our ears but what can we get for our minds?

    The impertinent restaurant

    Main course

    Moussaka with road machine and dictators

    Codswallop in batter with rude potatoes and green fleas
    Roast teeth and Yorkshire flooding with speaking careful broccoli


    Rascal’s Lamb with Hint Sauce


    Lasagne with chips,tea bread and butter thrown in.


    Corned beef smash and cabbage


    Beef stewed in Wales with French Bread and roast tomatoes

    Pudding

    Roly poly jam with steamed air.
    Lemons on mice.
    Oranges sliced and baked in a stone dish with marmite [You keep the dish]
    Full flat yoghurt with fruit of the day
    Christmas Cake pudding and bustards
    Minced lies and branded nutter

    Steamed Yemeni sponges with angels wings  and refugee camp plus tent

    From Dr Google AI

    Sir Cyril Burt was a prominent British educational psychologist whose twin studies on the heritability of IQ heavily influenced the UK’s 11-plus selection system, but his work was posthumously exposed as fraudulent. [1, 2, 3, 4]

    Chased by geese and God

    I remember all the humorous things we did

    Peering into windows lit by lamps

    Climbing cliffs then chased by geese and dog Walking down from Redcar, sea so still

    After Saltburn Pier, the cliffs high jump

    I remember all the funny things we did

    Wandering Whitby in a sea grey smog Eating a pork pie cut into lumps Climbing cliffs then chased by geese and dog

    Old Hunstanton , white sands where we’d sit

    The wild spikes of the gorse spread out unclamped

    I remember all the colours,scents, and that

    I feel the joy inside my heart is lit

    Woe is leavened by old nature’s stamp

    Climbing high then chased through mud by dogs

    We see in shadows shades are not so stark

    In Studland Bay astonished by skylarks

    I remember all the humour and the love .

    Climbing cliffs then caught by geese and God

    We were chased by geese in Devon after climbing a cliff.No doubt chased by a man after we peered into his garden

    Starvation nation

    Are you worried that you’ll suffer starvation?

    Are you one of the poor of our nation?

    There is pi in the sky

    God only knows why

    Mathematics is no good for emotion.

    At the end of the month we were short

    Our money had got very taut

    Instead of a roast

    We tried baked frogs on toast

    Now we’re both feeling stunned and  remote

    I can’t say I love a red pepper

    And my husband prefers unsmoked kippers

    But we all have to eat

    Try cows heels or their feet

    And just keep your lip a bit stiffer.

    I am glad I can pay income tax

    When I have paid it I love to relax.

    So I must go out to work

    I’m an MP, see me smirk

    I won’t up your tax that’s a fact

    Why have you brought a frog to school

    Teacher why have you brought a cat to school?

    So he can learn to read

    He can’t even talk.

    I’m not going to get him to read out loud..

    Why have you brought a frog to school,

    Because I was coming to school when I found him.

    Well don’t come to school via the Bullring tomorrow

    Teacher to girl why have you got a curtain ring on your finger?

    It won’t fit on my toe

    Why have you got a hat on in the classroom?

    I wear it outside as well.

    Are you Jewish?

    I’m not sure but I thought I’d practise the rituals

    Surely your parents must know whether you’re Jewish.

    They’ve not been speaking for the last 10 years.

    The should go to a marriage guidance counsellor.

    They’ve not got married yet.

    And how old are you?

    I must be at least 9 months.

    If you were 9 months old you wouldn’t be able to talk.

    There’s always a first time for everything.

    But you’d be a newborn baby.

    Can’t they talk?

    Have you never seen a newborn baby?

    Yes I have seen them when my mother gives birth and she says to them I’ll never have sex again.

    And what do they say?

    It’s too late now

    The orchestra that plays as we go in

    The chattering cacophony of cars
    Underneath  the silence  of the stars
    The echo of lost voices,faces, smiles
    To which our little  heart is always loyal

    The horns that shriek, the trains  that wreck the track
    The vision of the lost who can’t come back
    The loaded wagons  and the violin
    The orchestra that plays as we go in

    The crackling of the ice the skaters skim
    The refugees whose clothing is too thin
    The  scream of Munch, the horror he foresaw.
    The end of Europe in the first World War

    The  decorated War Memorials  grim
    Reminding us that no-one ever wins