The beginning

And now,Mrs Mary Tan, will you tell the Judge and Jury what you were doing at 6.45 pm?
I was doing the Times Super Fiendish Crossword Puzzle no 76
But why would that stop you answering the door?
Er,I had stomach ache
Do you find Su Doku a cure?
No,I only wish I did.I see how many puzzles I can solve while in the bathroom
What is the average
What is the range?
From 1 to 5.I am afraid I don’t know the standard deviation
What is the most ever
Five.I am hoping they will make some harder ones
So you heard the bell ring.You were upstairs.Could nobody answer the door?
I suppose Emile might but the lock is too high
Who is Emile? Is he your Lover
No, he is my cat.
Can he speak English?
Well,I think so.Why don’t you come round and see him?
I have no time.
So you cleaned the floor and made the bed
Then I set to work on Dirac’s Equation
Does Dirac mind?
Why should he mind? He is dead.
Oh I hoped to see him.
You must go to a Seance then
So you were lost in thought when a magpie tapped on the window
What does it mean?
It wanted a mince pie.
But who had been knocking on the door
Another magpie
Are you sure?
No.It could have been a Crow
Well, that’s all the questions I have for this person.My Lord
Next witness please
Hello,I am Mrs Magpie
You are human!
I believe so

Case adjourned

Like sea and sandy shore


My blue mug’s striped like sea and sandy shore
I love my memories of expansive sands
The mug is round  so it can hold much more

The image of the mug opens a  door
To access spaces where my dreams command
My blue mug’s striped like sea and sandy shore

Stretched blueness  takes me to my deepest core
Where by my inner  heart I understand
The mug is rounded well and gives me more.

On the beach, the salt stuck to my pores
Like Whitby where  my spectacles were gummed
My blue mug’s striped like sea and sandy shore

The Synod  of historic Christian lore
Held at Whitby  where tall cliffs descend
Reminds us how the inter-faith’s  still sore.

And how my deepest thoughts are made disband
To submit to God and  that beloved hand
My blue mug’s striped like sea and sandy shore
The mug is holding memories that allu

The Doldrums

Known to sailors around the world as the doldrums, the Inter-Tropical Convergence Zone, (ITCZ, pronounced and sometimes referred to as the “itch”), is a belt around the Earth extending approximately five degrees north and south of the equator. Here, the prevailing trade winds of the northern hemisphere blow to the southwest and collide with the southern hemisphere’s driving northeast trade winds.

Due to intense solar heating near the equator, the warm, moist air is forced up into the atmosphere like a hot air balloon. As the air rises, it cools, causing persistent bands of showers and storms around the Earth’s midsection. The rising air mass finally subsides in what is known as the horse latitudes, where the air moves downward toward Earth’s surface.

Because the air circulates in an upward direction, there is often little surface wind in the ITCZ. That is why sailors well know that the area can becalm sailing ships for weeks. And that’s why they call it the doldrums.

Minor hints for starting to write

I began writing ten years ago.Before that I had read many books on the topic which were of little use to me.I think it’s better to start writing.When you have written a few poems or stories, you are more likely to benefit from reading the advice of othere.I spent far too long reading
You need to read a lot in all genres but especially poetry.Some people still think they should try to write like Coleridge or Wordsworth and also they should use poetic language
On the other hand, do people want to read the following

Ah,he said and swooned onto her breast
She’d had cancer and had just one left
When he found her empty in one cup
He was rude; she killed him with a jug

That is in poor taste and I guess my mind is thinking of someone I saw yesterday
I would not wish to write in that style on such a topic.I must be trying to make light
of the news I heard.
That makes me realise we need to think about what is happening to us and to decide if we really
intend to write sick humour.

Moving on, keep notebook and write down anything that happens that has an emotional impact on you.I believe these events, visions,converations mean something to you and if you can find a
form for them then other people will also be affected

Poetry relies on metaphors.If you read the Greek Myths,The Bible,any stories from the ancient worl
you will realise that many of our common sayings are there.Also in Shakespeare.
To be or not to be, that is the question

The Ancient Mariner is a poem which has a lot of images once in common knowlesdge
I’m in the doldrums.Have a look and see where/what the Doldrums are and what it means….. in a place you are stuck despite all your efforts until a change of the wind/your mood happens.

Apart from these metaphors and stories in history and literature,you will come across events in your own life which will be somewhat similar.You can then make new symbols or they emerge in your writing as you go along

The notebook is the most useful thing.What has emotional meaning for you will most likely be what
others will find interesting or moving

Random apples
Fall silently
On unknown Newtons

One may fall on you, so keep your eyes open

What is your apple?
What does it teach you?
Are you a potential writer?

Sun on our cold bodies made them sing

In the winter, comes a day of spring
Kind  wind brings softness to the upturned face
And warmth to  once cold bodies seems to cling

When will be the day the  first bird  sings
And hawthorn hedges fill with  sweet white lace?
In the winter,oh, a day of spring

A little heat is welcome ,promising
That winter darkness soon will lose   first place
And warmth to  once cold bodies, air will brings

We struggle on like donkeys stumbling
With heavy burdens and no hint of grace
In the winter, comes a day of spring

We lift our eyes, allow wide opening
And in the lines of hills, our love is traced
Giving hope  to  our cold hearts and skins

We take our  time and feel no need for haste
And so create an opening for grace
In the winter, came a day of spring
And  sun on  winter bodies made them sing

Darkness is the heart

The darkness at the heart of any shrub
A home for little birds in cold and damp
The leaves of olive, gold and green were shed
The darkness is the heart of any shrub
No longer hid by summers of burnt red
Flames in June, the loss in winter’s bed
Through the window I see my lit lamp

Darkness makes the heart of any shrub
Safe for little birds in cold and damp

Sales begin as people are locked in

Shop our Sale.Everythinng half price except thermal underwear
And we are still making a profit.So take that

Try our new winter jumper with a touch of wool £25
Guaranteed to have touched a sheep in Wensleydale at least once

Why not try our polonecks with a hint for wool:Watch out for acrylic, it’s right behind you

Try our jumpers with wool
We provide the jumper, you provide the wool

Photo by Josiah Lewis on

Try a coat with wool for warmth
The coat is polyester with 2% wool in the pockets
Why not try some thermal gloves?

New faux leather handbags in red rage, green envy,blues for all, Bird’s custard yellow or black despair

Don’t need anything?Free coffee when you spend £25

Newspapers sold here:
The Daily Distress
The Cracked Mirror,
The Daily Fail.
The Catholic Ferret,
The Hurt Times,
The Parrot’s Egg

Free melancholy: press the button and wait