Killed by frying pan

She sat down for so long her circulation stopped
Diagnosis: Died of ignorance

Her hair was so thin she was ashamed to go out
Died of social anxiety, late onset

She was very plain but didn’t know until she saw herself in the mirror
Diagnosis :Shock made her heart spasm.
Died of fear and rage.

She ate a large plateful of steak pie and chips
Then ate a meringue
Died of indigestion and stupidity or both

Her husband hit her with the frying pan
Died because the pan was cast iron.
Death was not intended nor expected
Verdict :Suicide as he had hit her so many times, she could have left

Note: Cast iron may cook well but it is dangerous when you throw it across the room

The carrot or the flu

I’ll never mention carrots. baby
I know you hate the colour,taste and shape
Would you like my cake
Seved on a bed of hake
Or just a Jaffa Orange and a steak?

I”ll never, mention carrots. baby
I know they were not eaten by the apes
Would salami do
Served on a pizza new,?
Or would you rather eat the berries off the yew?

I’ll never mention carrots,baby
You won’t eaten them raw or cooked till glue
Would you like an egg
Boiled until it’s dead?
Do you think it’s moral that I beg?