I put on my new lipstick to show my husband who said: Congratulations, you have found some lipstick exactly the same colour as your own lips
I said on going out: I forgot to comb my hair,he said It doesn’t make any difference.
He went so fast on the North Circular I finally learned how to fasten my seatbelt But was that kind of him?
I myself could only drive at 90 mph so I gave up before I killed someone
I went into Boots to buy some Foundation.A lady came up to me saying she didn’t like her complxion and what did I have on, because that’s what she wanted for herself! Then at the bus stop someone asked me the name of my lipstick As I wore none,I felt embarrassed.I should have invented a name
However with time passing and Lockdown I no longer get any compliments But it seems in the wider world women are having troubles with males acting badly
I have never wanted to despise Never wished to make you feel ashamed Never by a hard look you maraud I have never wanted to deride I have known what your looks signified I have seen the shadows of your eyes Never made you feel you were to blame I have never wanted to degrade Never wished to make you feel the shame
Homesick for the ones I did not like Feeling out of place,pushed to one side Wanting to escape this painful life Homesick for the ones I did not like Fearful of the anger and the strikes Wishing to give love but not to break Harder still to think and to decide Homesick for the ones I did not like Feeling out of place,unwanted bride
Love bade me welcome. Yet my soul drew back Guilty of dust and sin. But quick-eyed Love, observing me grow slack From my first entrance in, Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning, If I lacked any thing.
A guest, I answered, worthy to be here: Love said, You shall be he. I the unkind, ungrateful? Ah my dear, I cannot look on thee. Love took my hand, and smiling did reply, Who made the eyes but I?
Truth Lord, but I have marred them: let my shame Go where it doth deserve. And know you not, says Love, who bore the blame? My dear, then I will serve. You must sit down, says Love, and taste my meat: So I did sit and eat. Source: George Herbert and the Seventeenth-Century Religious Poets (W. W. Norton and Company, Inc., 1978)
Waiter, there’s a tear in my soup How can you tell? It’s quite clear I can’t see anything That’s the whole point
Waiter,my egg is too hard If it’s boiled I can’t reverse that What, all this modern science and we can’t soften a hard boiled egg I could mix some butter into the yolk I’ve eaten that You are trying to eat the egg cup! Is that what it is? Did you not have any at home? No, we never ate eggs Now we know why!
My wife has had a baby What’s its name? Aubergine Why? It’s purple with crying Well, it will stop eventually I hope so.My wife is worn out So why are you here? She says after this pain she never wants to make love again How do you feel about that? Is it my fault God made the birth canal so narrow? Well after a few more babies it will get wider A few more!Can’t the doctor help? Well, it’s against medical ethics really but he could use a shoe widener His shoes are too narrow, I suppose so. I think it is too big Well,she will forget when the baby sleeps Forget what? What fertilised the egg And what does that? Don’t you know? A spider? It’s sex I can’t tell the sex of s spider No, when you have sex. But we’ve had it 365 times and only had one baby Better luck next time
We are in our boat together Sailing across the bay. Some have an easy voyage, The wind is blowing their way. I wish I could always be sailing Across a wide ocean with you And never reach the other side though it may be in view. I want to see the sunrise Across the dappled sea. The ripples of the water Reveal a new world to me. One day this boat will reach the shore Unless destroyed by storm And I shall have to leave your arms Where I have been so warm. So just before we get there I wanted you to know That I shall always love you No matter where you go
Mince pies,mince pies, don’t you love pies Say that you do even though it’s a lie Cream,cream, don’t add much more For if you do, you’ll be sick on the floor Meat,meat, we love our meat Birds of a feather will keep the house neat Raisins and currents give some diarrhea If you’re on codeine. you’ve nothing to fear Jump over hedges, there’s always some cover Take a big doll and we’ll think it’s your lover Never let shyness hold you back when we’re near For imperfect our love and yet perfect our fear At Xmas our loved ones will fight like wildcats Siblings are nastier than any rat But they have not murdered you yet, I’m sincere Wash your hair soon and then rinse it with beer Cain killed his brother, the envy, the spite Adam and Eve were distraught every night Procreation was rapid, we soon filled the Earth How did high culture bring about Hitler’s birth Can God be omnipotent when millions are killed Maybe He died and more innocents will God seems quite dead but he is merely remote The tree of the cross is alive and it grows
Is your glowing face a map? are your tender ways a map? what is not a map? Is your open smile a map? Is your deepest groan a map? what is not a map? Is my too sharp touch a map? Is my too quick glance a map? what is not a map?
Is this sea green leaf a map, Is this light red flower a map? What sort of map is that? Is the evening sky a map, Is the silver moon a map? Of what is that a map? Is this entire world a map? Is the sun-soaked sky a map? Is this tiny child a map?
think I am a map. Who can learn to read these maps? Without love we can’t perceive; Who can teach us how to see?
Can we look beyond the Map? Can we look into the gap? Whatever Love perceives What Love can we receive?