Don’t send me an apron forXmas When all that I want is a glove A glove for the oven Its hands must be frozen Let’s drown the old oven in love.
Don’t send me a card on my birthday I cannot remember your name Just bake me a cake I prefer it to steak Don’t limp unless you are lame Don’t change the sheets every week,dear For washing them makes them wear thin Just give me a brush I’ll beat off the fluff Then we can both have some fun
Don’t give me bacon for breakfast God won’t let Jews eat it yet His aversion to swine Is what makes him divine The fig tree is dead I regret
As Mary put her navy blue peacoat on over her red dress and grabbed her red bag she saw the cab arrive. Bye,Emile,she called before locking the front door She got to the Podiatry Clinic early.Just as well since only three of the chairs were in use Soon her name was called and a calm yet warm young woman called Emma told her where to sit Oh,dear.You are unlucky.You have Celtic feet,Emma murmured It’s not bad luck, it’s because 5 of my great grandparents were Celtic, Mary lectured her But they were all dead when I was born, possibly due to the Famine in Ireland Well, at least they had children. How do you know that? You are descended from them My, how clever you are.I never thought of that before Do you have children,Emma enquired Well,I did lose at least one in Spain near Malaga Goodness,can’t you get in touch now?How old were they? I guess about 3 months old so no doubt they fell into the Mediterranean sea. Miaooooooooooow!Miaooooooooaaaaaaaw.Boo hooooooooo Emma nearly passed out. What on earth is that? Mary opened her bag and there sat Emile crying copiously Emile, how did you get into my bag? You left the zip open and I was looking for a mask.Then you suddenly fastened it Mary gave him a tissue to dry his tears. I felt so distraught when you said your unborn babies died,I could not stay quiet Emma said, you must put a mask on and I am not going to even look at your paws Why not? The NHS is for humans, she smiled graciously, if not superciliously Well,Mary, you must let me examine your other foot Which? Well,you only have two, I hope! Mary carried her red bag into the Waiting Room. Hello,she said into her phone.Can you send a cab to take me home MeToo ,yelled Emile What the bleeding hell is that? Don’t worry, it’s just my cat.Will I have to pay extra? Not if he sits on your knee Thanks, said Mary, She and Emile sat looking through the glass door Well, this made a change,he purred.I like Emma MeToo cried Mary as she saw the car stop outside Home and some Twinings Tea With brandy, called Emile And so wish all of us
When I was little we had a lovely picture on the wall.It was the Three Bears My brothers and I all loved it, When I was five,it changed into a bridge with three arches and a river
Similarly the house up out street had faces.So did the armchairs in the living room Everything was alive and to be related to
The music is the waves as they run high Across the pebbly sands onto the road Then groaning of the shingle as waves die
The fish that dwell deep in the dark, dark brine The flow within as outer waters flow The music of the waves as they run high
The moon reflects sun’s light to other eyes Above the seas which rise up to its goad. Then groans the shingle as the steep waves die
The sea holds hidden goods where we can’t pry In the deep the heavy water moulds The music of the waves as they run high
All the day and all of the black night The seas and oceans change from high to low Ah, groans the earth as each wave has to die
Re-hear these sounds, are they a sacred code? As angels wrestled, Jacob feared the Lord His music is the waves as they run high His groaning is the shingle as waves die
I was walking in a desert grey and bleak All alone, with none to speak or eat I shuddered when I realised the truth I was unmarried, pregnant, mere refuse.
Cast out for other failings all unknown My baby came too soon and I alone A doctor with no face appeared and said Your baby died ,I see he’s never fed
He flung my baby on his heap of dead I lay there in the dirt, red with my blood I had to leave or I would die of grief The will to live just stronger than a leaf
I went to see my baby, and he smiled He was still alive, my love,my child I took him in my arms, where should we go? I walked into that darknessfull and slow
When strangers ask for photos of you nude Or wearing clothes so scanty they’ll go blind Let them see your feet without their shoes
Let them see your twisted toes turn blue Let them see the bunions God designed When strangers ask for photos rather rude
Can one solve a crossword with no clues? Can one have no bosom and look fine? Can they love your feet without cute shoes?
When you’re feeling sad and life is blue When you long for love but not divine When gentlemen want photos somewhat crude
Try to sell them on the Evening News Take the veil or drink the Altar Wine Let them kiss your feet without their shoes
When you’re looking for the hidden signs Don’t read numbers settlers left behind When strangers ask for photos, give them clues Let them wash your feet but make them queue
He kept his tongue in his cheek too long so he couldn’t eat Starved to death
She had her head screwed on the wrong way Lack of light
He wouldn’t wear his glasses so fell down a well Unconscious suicidal wish or vanity led to error
She wore shoes that were too small and developed 100 untreated corns Died of stupidity or poverty
His brain got stuck on the underground as his head fell off his body. The glueless disease
She wore a yellow bikini on the beach which attracted a lot of wasps Need I say more? Died fighting as men wept
She was baking bread but got into the oven and was roasted with a potato Bad luck.Only do one thing at a time Died of hyperactivity and lack of concentration
He was writing a blog post and got sad as it seemed too poor Then he drowned his sorrows [ and himself
He got chilblains which stopped him from walking so his blood froze
Verdict: Bad weather and lack of housing
Arthritis made her so stiff we put her into a coffin and accidentally buried her Verdict-Misadventure and human error
She fell over the cat and hit her head on the fridge Verdict? Misfortune as skull too thin
She got off a moving bus as the doors opened Verdict: Died of conceit
Look without and see the claret sky The sun is falling like Greek wine tonight As sparrows hide in holly,safe from eyes
We need protection till our minds sublime Into dusty corners shine their lights Look without and see the curious sky
Tell your heart, your truth, though others lie Seem rewarded with both cash and spite Oh, sparrows hide in holly, leaves awry
A man is called an emperor , yet he dies Look without and see the fatal signs The sky is turning panic to delight
At last, philosopher, the silence sighs Throw away the your thoughts, cold or benign As sparrow safe in holly, shut their eyes
The hawk may soar across the sacred lines Where patterns of complexity arise Look without and see the open sky When sparrows rest in holly, owls surprise
How my heart sings 