Don’t send me an apron forXmas When all that I want is a glove A glove for the oven Its hands must be frozen Let’s drown the old oven in love.
Don’t send me a card on my birthday I cannot remember your name Just bake me a cake I prefer it to steak Don’t limp unless you are lame Don’t change the sheets every week,dear For washing them makes them wear thin Just give me a brush I’ll beat off the fluff Then we can both have some fun
Don’t give me bacon for breakfast God won’t let Jews eat it yet His aversion to swine Is what makes him divine The fig tree is dead I regret
As Mary put her navy blue peacoat on over her red dress and grabbed her red bag she saw the cab arrive. Bye,Emile,she called before locking the front door She got to the Podiatry Clinic early.Just as well since only three of the chairs were in use Soon her name was called and a calm yet warm young woman called Emma told her where to sit Oh,dear.You are unlucky.You have Celtic feet,Emma murmured It’s not bad luck, it’s because 5 of my great grandparents were Celtic, Mary lectured her But they were all dead when I was born, possibly due to the Famine in Ireland Well, at least they had children. How do you know that? You are descended from them My, how clever you are.I never thought of that before Do you have children,Emma enquired Well,I did lose at least one in Spain near Malaga Goodness,can’t you get in touch now?How old were they? I guess about 3 months old so no doubt they fell into the Mediterranean sea. Miaooooooooooow!Miaooooooooaaaaaaaw.Boo hooooooooo Emma nearly passed out. What on earth is that? Mary opened her bag and there sat Emile crying copiously Emile, how did you get into my bag? You left the zip open and I was looking for a mask.Then you suddenly fastened it Mary gave him a tissue to dry his tears. I felt so distraught when you said your unborn babies died,I could not stay quiet Emma said, you must put a mask on and I am not going to even look at your paws Why not? The NHS is for humans, she smiled graciously, if not superciliously Well,Mary, you must let me examine your other foot Which? Well,you only have two, I hope! Mary carried her red bag into the Waiting Room. Hello,she said into her phone.Can you send a cab to take me home MeToo ,yelled Emile What the bleeding hell is that? Don’t worry, it’s just my cat.Will I have to pay extra? Not if he sits on your knee Thanks, said Mary, She and Emile sat looking through the glass door Well, this made a change,he purred.I like Emma MeToo cried Mary as she saw the car stop outside Home and some Twinings Tea With brandy, called Emile And so wish all of us