When strangers ask for photos of you nude
Or wearing clothes so scanty they’ll go blind
Let them see your feet without their shoes
Let them see your twisted toes turn blue
Let them see the bunions God designed
When strangers ask for photos rather rude
Can one solve a crossword with no clues?
Can one have no bosom and look fine?
Can they love your feet without cute shoes?
When you’re feeling sad and life is blue
When you long for love but not divine
When gentlemen want photos somewhat crude
Try to sell them on the Evening News
Take the veil or drink the Altar Wine
Let them kiss your feet without their shoes
When you’re looking for the hidden signs
Don’t read numbers settlers left behind
When strangers ask for photos, give them clues
Let them wash your feet but make them queue
Annie ran into Mary’s kitchen wearing a pale green coat and matching suede s oes
Oh,let me tell you my happy news,I am gettng married again
Is that why you are all dressed up?Why green?
Don’t be ridiculous,marriage needs organising
You mean the Ceremony?
Yes, and the meal
I think marriage itself needs organising.Who will pay the bills and bring in the coal?
Which side of the bed will you sleep on?
Oh, I must get larger bed,Annie realised thoughtfully
And who is to be your husband?
I’ve not decided yet,Annie admitted quietly
How many candidates are there for the position,Mary asked quizzically?
Well, the main one is Denis, the psychoanalyst across the road
I expect he already has a big bed..Mary joked knowingly
Yes,I spent a night or so with him and he has a memory foam mattress here.
I hope it doesn’t remember all the women he has slept with
Well, only if they slept there.They might have gone to an hotel or been in a caravan
at Southwold Harbour,Annie rambled on
They might have slept in a wood by a log fire or in a tent on the West Bank
So will he be faithful to you?
He’s already told me he adores me more than he knew possible
That will soon wear off when you live together
How cruel you are,Annie sighed ,like martyr waiting to be executed
Shall I make some tea for us both?
Yes and boil my hankies as well,Mary joked.
I shall boil your tongue if you keep teasing me!
They sat down near the window while the sun was setting in a wine coloured sky
I do like your outlook,Annie said
I thought it was Microsoft’s,Mary told her innocently
You silly idiot,I mean your view
I’ve never heard of YourView.Is it a new thing like Zoom? Mary asked nervously
I mean, this view here from your window at dusk
Wow,I am frightened how I assume everything I learn of is related to Modern Technology
Yeah, said Annie,I’ve done it too
You are both stupid,said Emile the resident cat
How rude.Why do you say that,Mary enquired boldly?
It’s the whole human race.All hooked on Skype or a Twatter
What’s a Twattter?
It’s someone who lives on Twitter
You won’t find a bird on Twitter.
So a bird can’t be a Twatter
That is correct.Aristotle would be pleased if he were here
Where is he?
In a book.
That is end of “Logic made simple” on BBC education
He kept his tongue in his cheek too long so he couldn’t eat
Starved to death
She had her head screwed on the wrong way
Lack of light
He wouldn’t wear his glasses so fell down a well
Unconscious suicidal wish or vanity led to error
She wore shoes that were too small and developed 100 untreated corns
Died of stupidity or poverty
His brain got stuck on the underground as his head fell off his body.
The glueless disease
She wore a yellow bikini on the beach which attracted a lot of wasps
Need I say more?
Died fighting as men wept
She was baking bread but got into the oven and was roasted with a potato
Bad luck.Only do one thing at a time
Died of hyperactivity and lack of concentration
He was writing a blog post and got sad as it seemed too poor
Then he drowned his sorrows [ and himself
He got chilblains which stopped him from walking so his blood froze
Verdict: Bad weather and lack of housing
Arthritis made her so stiff we put her into a coffin and accidentally buried her
Verdict-Misadventure and human error
She fell over the cat and hit her head on the fridge
Verdict? Misfortune as skull too thin
She got off a moving bus as the doors opened
Verdict: Died of conceit