When strangers ask for photos of you nude Or wearing clothes so scanty they’ll go blind Let them see your feet without their shoes
Let them see your twisted toes turn blue Let them see the bunions God designed When strangers ask for photos rather rude
Can one solve a crossword with no clues? Can one have no bosom and look fine? Can they love your feet without cute shoes?
When you’re feeling sad and life is blue When you long for love but not divine When gentlemen want photos somewhat crude
Try to sell them on the Evening News Take the veil or drink the Altar Wine Let them kiss your feet without their shoes
When you’re looking for the hidden signs Don’t read numbers settlers left behind When strangers ask for photos, give them clues Let them wash your feet but make them queue
Annie ran into Mary’s kitchen wearing a pale green coat and matching suede s oes Oh,let me tell you my happy news,I am gettng married again Is that why you are all dressed up?Why green? Don’t be ridiculous,marriage needs organising You mean the Ceremony? Yes, and the meal I think marriage itself needs organising.Who will pay the bills and bring in the coal? Which side of the bed will you sleep on? Oh, I must get larger bed,Annie realised thoughtfully And who is to be your husband? I’ve not decided yet,Annie admitted quietly How many candidates are there for the position,Mary asked quizzically? Well, the main one is Denis, the psychoanalyst across the road I expect he already has a big bed..Mary joked knowingly Yes,I spent a night or so with him and he has a memory foam mattress here. I hope it doesn’t remember all the women he has slept with Well, only if they slept there.They might have gone to an hotel or been in a caravan at Southwold Harbour,Annie rambled on They might have slept in a wood by a log fire or in a tent on the West Bank So will he be faithful to you? He’s already told me he adores me more than he knew possible That will soon wear off when you live together How cruel you are,Annie sighed ,like martyr waiting to be executed Shall I make some tea for us both? Yes and boil my hankies as well,Mary joked. I shall boil your tongue if you keep teasing me! They sat down near the window while the sun was setting in a wine coloured sky I do like your outlook,Annie said I thought it was Microsoft’s,Mary told her innocently You silly idiot,I mean your view I’ve never heard of YourView.Is it a new thing like Zoom? Mary asked nervously I mean, this view here from your window at dusk Wow,I am frightened how I assume everything I learn of is related to Modern Technology Yeah, said Annie,I’ve done it too You are both stupid,said Emile the resident cat How rude.Why do you say that,Mary enquired boldly? It’s the whole human race.All hooked on Skype or a Twatter What’s a Twattter? It’s someone who lives on Twitter You won’t find a bird on Twitter. So a bird can’t be a Twatter That is correct.Aristotle would be pleased if he were here Where is he? In a book.
That is end of “Logic made simple” on BBC education
He kept his tongue in his cheek too long so he couldn’t eat Starved to death
She had her head screwed on the wrong way Lack of light
He wouldn’t wear his glasses so fell down a well Unconscious suicidal wish or vanity led to error
She wore shoes that were too small and developed 100 untreated corns Died of stupidity or poverty
His brain got stuck on the underground as his head fell off his body. The glueless disease
She wore a yellow bikini on the beach which attracted a lot of wasps Need I say more? Died fighting as men wept
She was baking bread but got into the oven and was roasted with a potato Bad luck.Only do one thing at a time Died of hyperactivity and lack of concentration
He was writing a blog post and got sad as it seemed too poor Then he drowned his sorrows [ and himself
He got chilblains which stopped him from walking so his blood froze
Verdict: Bad weather and lack of housing
Arthritis made her so stiff we put her into a coffin and accidentally buried her Verdict-Misadventure and human error
She fell over the cat and hit her head on the fridge Verdict? Misfortune as skull too thin
She got off a moving bus as the doors opened Verdict: Died of conceit