Dear PM David Cameron
I am a very intelligent and creative woman. Hence I wonder daily why your face has no expression on it;I must confess since the vote on Syria last year you have looked a bit bothered now and then and no doubt Gaza and Israel have entered your gaze as well as all the other Middle Eastern States
.But blankness seems your favourite look.Watch out or an artist may paint a sign on youi
Danger:Please stalk on the grass
Danger:Trespassers will be parsed and printed.
I am writing to complain.There are many magpies,wood pigeons and other such creatures all living for free in the garden here.And think of the ones in the woods.None of them are taxed,yet they get free board and lodging,.
And moreover we have hundreds of worms here which could surely be made to work.I know it’s hard to tell them apart but all those civil servants who read Modern Greats at Toxicford must have a few ideas.
I think if worms don’t work we should mince them and make meat pies out of them… and wood pigeons… that makes me salivate.
Those who won’t work shall be turned into food.The Chinese eat dogs… you catch my drift.
Hard solutions for hard times, to warm an old cliche.
I do feel that all living creatures should pay rent.Birds who live in a garden with more than one tree must be made to see how unfair this is.I am unsure what language they speak… maybe Hebrew as they were in Eden once.
Oh,those lazy days,eating fruit and sunbathing.And sinning without guilt.
Did you know Adam and Eve were unmarried,by the way!
Well,it’s bad for us to be happy so I’m counting on you to pulverize nature in all manifestations.
Why,,worms are a total waste of time.Get rid of them.Send them back where they came from.
Even as I write worms may be tunnelling under the British Channel from France.We can’t let them dwell in our soil.
And in the Spring you must stop birds migrating here.Why some come from the Congo.Surely that’s not morally justifiable
Hoping my ideas will be balm to your ears.And try to get more of an expression on your face.You are like an empty canvas without Jackson Pollock and his tins of Dulux
Demabella Dodd [ M.A.Oxen]
P.S.What about cats? They sleep 20 hours a day.They could rid us of more vermin.. need I say more?