No you make yourself hungry because you make too many demands for perfection
Well can’t we be perfect?
You mind might be but your bowels may be up The creek.
What sort of creak.
Welt how many sorts of creek are there?
A creak is the name for a noise that furniture makes or wooden floorboards when people walk on the more pushing it’s a bit like a squeak but looks more deep. In soubd
Lenovo is a computer manufacturer not a person all it’s possible that there are some peace in the world who I called by the phone name but I haven’t met my them.
0 let’s sing god didn’t make little green apples
I don’t like green apples I prefer red ones but I like greengages
When the fruit has rotted on the stalk Bruised and broken like the lost in need When leaders meet but rarely truly talk When children caught in cross fire lie and bleed
Don’t we see God’s Kingdom is a joke? One hundred million deaths in two world wars Not quick death but tortured bodies broke They lost once and love dies in their gore
Utopia, evolution, grandiose plans Sacrifice yourself for those to come We saw the little children hand in hand Ground mines blew them up, they could not run
One thing’s clear, God’s here or not at all The future’s fiction, theatre forms the soul
Choices: – Studies indicate perfectionism is associated with the decision making process of maximization (Bergman, Nyland & Lawerence, 2007). This is looking for the most optimal outcome when it comes to making a decision. The perfectionist wants to make the perfect choice. The combination of perfectionism and New York City can be problematic because of the abundance of options. What therapist should I choose? Who should I date? What job do I take? The perfectionist weighing these options can become exhausted, experience self-doubt and fantasies of the road not traveled. They are hyper aware of all the possibilities. Too many choices can lead to inaction (Iyengar, & Lepper 2000). Non-action and indecisiveness can contribute significantly to depression.
YAvoid Black and White Thinking: This type of thinking is extreme and puts experiences into broad categories as either good or bad. There is no middle ground or grey area. For example, the perfectionist who make a mistake may view themselves as total failure. A more realistic, balanced perspective would be to avoid globally defining yourself by a situation. A mistake does not define who you are in totality. Making a mistake does not mean you are incompetent. Every successful person makes mistakes.
3 Choices: – Studies indicate perfectionism is associated with the decision making process of maximization (Bergman, Nyland & Lawerence, 2007). This is looking for the most optimal outcome when it comes to making a decision. The perfectionist wants to make the perfect choice. The combination of perfectionism and New York City can be problematic because of the abundance of options. What therapist should I choose? Who should I date? What job do I take? The perfectionist weighing these options can become exhausted, experience self-doubt and fantasies of the road not traveled. They are hyper aware of all the possibilities. Too many choices can lead to inaction (Iyengar, & Lepper 2000). Non-action and indecisiveness can contribute significantly to depression.
The link between physical and social pain might sound surprising, but it makes biological sense, DeWall says. “Instead of creating an entirely new system to respond to socially painful events, evolution simply co-opted the system for physical pain,” he says. “Given the shared overlap, it follows that if you numb people to one type of pain, it should also numb them to the other type of pain.”
Lashing out
Being on the receiving end of a social snub causes a cascade of emotional and cognitive consequences, researchers have found. Social rejection increases anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy and sadness. It reduces performance on difficult intellectual tasks, and can also contribute to aggression and poor impulse control, as DeWall explains in a recent review (Current Directions in Psychological Science, 2011). Physically, too, rejection takes a toll. People who routinely feel excluded have poorer sleep quality, and their immune systems don’t function as well as those of people with strong social connections, he says.
Even brief, seemingly innocuous episodes of rejection can sting. In one recent study, Williams, Eric Wesselmann, PhD, of Purdue University, and colleagues found that when participants passed a stranger who appeared to look “through” them rather than meeting their gaze, they reported less social connection than did people who made eye contact with a passing stranger (Psychological Science, 2012).
In fact, it’s remarkably hard to find situations in which rejection isn’t painful, Williams says. He wondered whether people would be hurt if they were rejected by a person or group they disliked. Using his Cyberball model, he found that African- American students experienced the same pain of rejection when they were told that the people rejecting them were members of the Ku Klux Klan, a racist group. In other studies, participants earned money when they were rejected, but not when they were accepted. The payments did nothing to dampen the pain of exclusion. “No matter how hard you push it, people are hurt by ostracism,” he says.
Fortunately, most people recover almost immediately from these brief episodes of rejection. If a stranger fails to look you in the eye, or you’re left out of a game of Cyberball, you aren’t likely to dwell on it for long. But other common rejections — not being invited to a party, or being turned down for a second date — can cause lingering emotions.
After the initial pain of rejection, Williams says, most people move into an “appraisal stage,” in which they take stock and formulate their next steps. “We think all forms of ostracism are immediately painful,” he says. “What differs is how long it takes to recover, and how one deals with the recovery.”
People often respond to rejection by seeking inclusion elsewhere. “If your sense of belonging and self-esteem have been thwarted, you’ll try to reconnect,” says Williams. Excluded people actually become more sensitive to potential signs of connection, and they tailor their behavior accordingly. “They will pay more attention to social cues, be more likable, more likely to conform to other people and more likely to comply with other people’s requests,” he says.
Yet others may respond to rejection with anger and lashing out. If someone’s primary concern is to reassert a sense of control, he or she may become aggressive as a way to force others to pay attention. Sadly, that can create a downward spiral. When people act aggressively, they’re even less likely to gain social acceptance.
What causes some people to become friendlier in response to rejection, while others get angry? According to DeWall, even a glimmer of hope for acceptance can make all the difference. In a pair of experiments, he and his colleagues found that students who were accepted by no other participants in group activities behaved more aggressively — feeding hot sauce to partners who purportedly disliked spicy foods, and blasting partners with uncomfortably loud white noise through headphones — than students accepted by just one of the other participants (Social Psychological and Personality Science, 2010).
Social pain relief
It may take time to heal from a bad break-up or being fired, but most people eventually get over the pain and hurt feelings of rejection. When people are chronically rejected or excluded, however, the results may be severe. Depression, substance abuse and suicide are not uncommon responses. “Long-term ostracism seems to be very devastating,” Williams says. “People finally give up.”
In that case, psychologists can help people talk through their feelings of exclusion, DeWall says.
“A lot of times, these are things people don’t want to talk about,” he says. And because rejected people may adopt behaviors, such as aggression, that serve to further isolate them, psychologists can also help people to act in ways that are more likely to bring them social success.
The pain of non-chronic rejection may be easier to alleviate. Despite what the fMRI scanner says, however, popping two Tylenols probably isn’t the most effective way to deal with a painful episode of rejection. Instead, researchers say, the rejected should seek out healthy, positive connections with friends and family.
That recommendation squares with the neural evidence that shows positive social interactions release opioids for a natural mood boost, Eisenberger says. Other activities that produce opioids naturally, such as exercise, might also help ease the sore feelings that come with rejection.
Putting things into perspective also helps, Leary says. True, rejection can sometimes be a clue that you behaved badly and should change your ways. But frequently, we take rejection more personally than we should. “Very often we have that one rejection, maybe we didn’t get hired for this job we really wanted, and it makes us feel just lousy about our capabilities and ourselves in general,” Leary says. “I think if people could stop overgeneralizing, it would take a lot of the angst out of it.”
Next time you get passed over for a job or dumped by a romantic partner, it may help to know that the sting of rejection has a purpose. That knowledge may not take away the pain, but at least you know there’s a reason for the heartache. “Evolutionarily speaking, if you’re socially isolated you’re going to die,” Williams says. “It’s important to be able to feel that pain.”
Kirsten Weir is a freelance writer in Minneapolis.
The content I just read: IS HELPFUL IS NOT HELPFUL
The link between physical and social pain might sound surprising, but it makes biological sense, DeWall says. “Instead of creating an entirely new system to respond to socially painful events, evolution simply co-opted the system for physical pain,” he says. “Given the shared overlap, it follows that if you numb people to one type of pain, it should also numb them to the other type of pain.”
Lashing out
Being on the receiving end of a social snub causes a cascade of emotional and cognitive consequences, researchers have found. Social rejection increases anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy and sadness. It reduces performance on difficult intellectual tasks, and can also contribute to aggression and poor impulse control, as DeWall explains in a recent review (Current Directions in Psychological Science, 2011). Physically, too, rejection takes a toll. People who routinely feel excluded have poorer sleep quality, and their immune systems don’t function as well as those of people with strong social connections, he says.
Even brief, seemingly innocuous episodes of rejection can sting. In one recent study, Williams, Eric Wesselmann, PhD, of Purdue University, and colleagues found that when participants passed a stranger who appeared to look “through” them rather than meeting their gaze, they reported less social connection than did people who made eye contact with a passing stranger (Psychological Science, 2012).
In fact, it’s remarkably hard to find situations in which rejection isn’t painful, Williams says. He wondered whether people would be hurt if they were rejected by a person or group they disliked. Using his Cyberball model, he found that African- American students experienced the same pain of rejection when they were told that the people rejecting them were members of the Ku Klux Klan, a racist group. In other studies, participants earned money when they were rejected, but not when they were accepted. The payments did nothing to dampen the pain of exclusion. “No matter how hard you push it, people are hurt by ostracism,” he says.
Fortunately, most people recover almost immediately from these brief episodes of rejection. If a stranger fails to look you in the eye, or you’re left out of a game of Cyberball, you aren’t likely to dwell on it for long. But other common rejections — not being invited to a party, or being turned down for a second date — can cause lingering emotions.
After the initial pain of rejection, Williams says, most people move into an “appraisal stage,” in which they take stock and formulate their next steps. “We think all forms of ostracism are immediately painful,” he says. “What differs is how long it takes to recover, and how one deals with the recovery.”
People often respond to rejection by seeking inclusion elsewhere. “If your sense of belonging and self-esteem have been thwarted, you’ll try to reconnect,” says Williams. Excluded people actually become more sensitive to potential signs of connection, and they tailor their behavior accordingly. “They will pay more attention to social cues, be more likable, more likely to conform to other people and more likely to comply with other people’s requests,” he says.
Yet others may respond to rejection with anger and lashing out. If someone’s primary concern is to reassert a sense of control, he or she may become aggressive as a way to force others to pay attention. Sadly, that can create a downward spiral. When people act aggressively, they’re even less likely to gain social acceptance.
What causes some people to become friendlier in response to rejection, while others get angry? According to DeWall, even a glimmer of hope for acceptance can make all the difference. In a pair of experiments, he and his colleagues found that students who were accepted by no other participants in group activities behaved more aggressively — feeding hot sauce to partners who purportedly disliked spicy foods, and blasting partners with uncomfortably loud white noise through headphones — than students accepted by just one of the other participants (Social Psychological and Personality Science, 2010).
Social pain relief
It may take time to heal from a bad break-up or being fired, but most people eventually get over the pain and hurt feelings of rejection. When people are chronically rejected or excluded, however, the results may be severe. Depression, substance abuse and suicide are not uncommon responses. “Long-term ostracism seems to be very devastating,” Williams says. “People finally give up.”
In that case, psychologists can help people talk through their feelings of exclusion, DeWall says.
“A lot of times, these are things people don’t want to talk about,” he says. And because rejected people may adopt behaviors, such as aggression, that serve to further isolate them, psychologists can also help people to act in ways that are more likely to bring them social success.
The pain of non-chronic rejection may be easier to alleviate. Despite what the fMRI scanner says, however, popping two Tylenols probably isn’t the most effective way to deal with a painful episode of rejection. Instead, researchers say, the rejected should seek out healthy, positive connections with friends and family.
That recommendation squares with the neural evidence that shows positive social interactions release opioids for a natural mood boost, Eisenberger says. Other activities that produce opioids naturally, such as exercise, might also help ease the sore feelings that come with rejection.
Putting things into perspective also helps, Leary says. True, rejection can sometimes be a clue that you behaved badly and should change your ways. But frequently, we take rejection more personally than we should. “Very often we have that one rejection, maybe we didn’t get hired for this job we really wanted, and it makes us feel just lousy about our capabilities and ourselves in general,” Leary says. “I think if people could stop overgeneralizing, it would take a lot of the angst out of it.”
Next time you get passed over for a job or dumped by a romantic partner, it may help to know that the sting of rejection has a purpose. That knowledge may not take away the pain, but at least you know there’s a reason for the heartache. “Evolutionarily speaking, if you’re socially isolated you’re going to die,” Williams says. “It’s important to be able to feel that pain.”
Kirsten Weir is a freelance writer in Minneapolis.
Studies have shown that social rejection of any kind activates the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain, meaning there’s a biological link between rejection and pain. That goes for friends, partners and, if it had feelings, that lonely latte.
Staying connected to others has evolved as a human survival skill. Our brains have what’s called a social monitoring system that uses mood, people and environmental cues to coach us how to respond situationally. But when you get ghosted, there’s no closure, so you question yourself and choices which sabotages self-worth and self-esteem.
That ambiguity, said the psychologist Jennice Vilhauer, is the real dagger. She calls ghosting a form of the silent treatment akin to emotional cruelty (the pain it causes can be treated with Tylenol, according to multiple studies). So, how do you avoid it in the first place?
“Well, I think I’m particularly choosy about who I tend to interact with,” said Dr. Vilhauer, the former head of Los Angeles’ Cedars-Sinai Medical Center psychotherapy program. “You can get a sense early on of what kind of individual you’re dealing with.”
There’s no checklist, but watching how people treat others is a good indicatir
Some thinner branches tremble with desire Reaching out beyond the shrub’s wide shape The sun has drawn them up with its great fire
Yet, without learning, there is no Messiah. No support exists, they sulk and drape The thinner branches trembling with desire
To greatness and to height they had aspired Now will they turn out sullen as they mope? The sun has drawn them up with its great fire
Like the politicians who conspire The European failure stole our hopes Though little Hitlers tremble with desire
Unelected Minister, Prime liar. Will he ever cross the final tape? The sun has drawn Men up with its great fire.
As the West evolved through crime and rape We were thought Enlightened in our scope We loved the Inquisition, loved the fires The gods have punished us and never tire.
No one sets out to be a doormat. Yet some people are chronically passive, always putting other’s needs before their own. These are the folks who end up babysitting for an acquaintance instead of going to their yoga class. In the long run, being unable to express what you want is a recipe for perpetual dissatisfaction, because your needs always end up on the back burner. The good news is people can learn to ask for the things they want at home, at work and even at a local restaurant when you get a burnt steak and want a new one. Read on to discover how.
Be Assertive, Not Aggressive
You can stand up for yourself without resorting to bullying.
We’re always going to need something to wipe our noses with but must it be a tissue?
Yes it must be a disposable tissue when we are suffering from colds,flu or covid-19
Carrying around the piece of cloth impregnatedwith germs is going to bring back the pandemic.
If you just like having something in your pocket to clean your spectacles with or if you wipe your nose when you don’t have a cold then by all means use a cotton hanky
Howeverpaper tissues are expensive. Paper is made from trees we may not like the fact that we are causing more trees to be cut down.
You can get disposable hankies made from bamboo which may be a bit stronger than paper tissues . I have not yet started to find out more information about bamboo
What is bothering many people now is their budget during this time of very high inflation so if we can cut down on anything that we spend money on it will give us more money to bespend on food or heating
It will be a good idea for us tobrealise that if we don’t get colds then we won’t need as many paper tissues.
So washinghands very frequently wearing a mask when shopping or in places where we might give or receive infections to others following the rules that we have during the pandemic
Keeping warm in winter hard as it might be is important. So is eating a balanced diet which might be difficult when the fruit and vegetables become more expensive not to mention eggs. Some people use frozen produce rather than fresh because it’s more economical that will not apply to lettuces
I have yet to see a packet of frozen lettuce. And I hope I never will but for something like spinach, peas and beans you won’t have to throw me away if they are in the freezer already.
Keeping our anxiety under control will save energy and strengthen our immune system.
Being happy makes it immune system stronger. You might think it’s impossible to be happy at the moment have we tried? Havebwe be vthought about it?
09 at least we should not ruminate about it. Don’t sit anr brood over possible things that might happen to you.
If you can walk be grateful and go for a walk and look at the tree and the flowers however little money you have. Going on the foreign holiday is not a human right. 0 and if you can’t do this please ask for help from somebody.
Someone raised the question the other day as to why pocket-handkerchiefs are always square. Pocket handkerchiefs are not always square – at least they have been square only since Louis XVI decreed that all handkerchiefs should be of a length equal to their breadth. There is a portrait in the Louvre of the time of Henry IV in which a Parisienne is holding a hexagonal pocket-handkerchief. It was the manufacturers who induced the King to decree the
Health experts and practitioners also wish that more older adults could access psychotherapy and other kinds of mental health care, especially now. Mental health problems have risen markedly during the pandemic, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has reported.
Kamala Harris turned 56 last October, shortly before she was elected vice president of the United States; the Polish writer Olga Tokarczuk won the 2018 Nobel Prize in Literature at age 57, while she was working on two new books. So 55 is hardly a border beyond which all is shadow. True, in the middle of adulthood it’s easy to envy those merely on the brink of it, with their imagined freedom to wander and aspire and their seemingly endless (and endlessly squandered) free time — forgetting how much of those rootless years were eaten up by uncertainty and fear. I, too, would love to be 20 once more, however miserable I actually was back then.
As all too soon each little day is done February 17, 2017 I sat on your old wall to see the sun The wall is cold and makes my rear end chill And all too soon each little day is done
The day is ending and I ‘ve not yet begun To do my writing , let my mind be still I sat on your old wall in winter sun
If we were younger we might have more fun We must allow now what we cannot will As all too soon each little day is done
Must we finish what we have begun? We gazed at rampant water by the mill. I sat on this old wall in winter sun
As a woman, I can love a man Then to their rest with singing I may lull As all too soon each little day is done
Today my heart with love is very full And happy tears my features like to swill I sat on your stone wall to eye the sun As all too soon each little day is done
Heil , O Johnson liar and right wing crook I wonder what they’ll write about you next As you dictate to us,will we be hooked?
The Germans knew their leader wrote a book You may send out vitriol by text. Heil , O Johnson, liar and right wing crook
You do not care, you lie as we onlook You play Big Brother, wearing Hitler’s vest When you dictate to us,will we be hooked?
Have you come to power just by a fluke? We hope the coming weeks will prove a test Heil , O Johnson ,liar and right wing crook
Whatever words you say, they will be cooked You rich men plunder, in the sinking West When you dictate to us, will we be hooked?
You play upon the panic and unrest The best of our goodwill ‘s already wrecked Heil , O Caesar Johnson liar and crook As you smiled and cheated. we just looked
If we phone someone but when they answer the phone they’re sound as anxious or distressed what should we do do?
We might think that when we phone omeone we can start telling them whatever is in our minds.
but there are two aspects to such a meeting. There is a conversation that you expect you to have and then there is a context that on your phone we can’t see the person or sends had a feeling so so you need to pay attention to tnh should usually say is this a good time to talk. But when you can hear distress you should say somethin
unless it’s a business call.
You could say
Would you like to tell me about it or would you prefer me to ring you in a few days?
Sometimes they are in extreme distress you may need to go around and visit if your relationship is close If that’d that is impossible you might ask them have you got any friends nearby that you can ask to come round? Or would you like me to call someone to ask them to visit you?
We can’t just stop talking to someone without being aware it might not be a good time or or they may be going through a bad patch. If they’re saying I don’t want to talk about it you must respect that.
You can try again in a few days
As many others have been cut off from contract with their family or friends during the pandemic it may be harder for people to start to talk;they may be feeling overwhelmed
If you are feeling very distressed it might be better to ring a kind family member or friends but do not make other phone calls while you are feeling like that unless it’s absolutely essential.
Who has never felt grief When a small gesture would have helped but it has ,unknowingly, been with held? How many people have the imagination to guess what's in your mind, And to embrace you rather than push you away? No-one,No-one.No-one knows. No-one knows these numbers. No-one knows these names. No-one knows how many feel diffident, Nor how many feel shame.
Being alive is joyful! Being alive is pain! Being alive is all we have, We'll never be alive again.
I look into your eyes today I sense your shame and woe. I look into your eyes just now And tell you that I know,
Being alive is lonely. Being alive is good. Being alive is pain indeed For flesh is not like wood.
While friendship research offers some benchmarks, it may be more useful for most of us to simply do a bit of soul-searching. Marisa Franco, a psychologist and author of the forthcoming book “Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends,” recommends starting with a fairly obvious but powerful question: Do I feel lonely?
“Loneliness is a sort of signal or alarm system,” Dr. Franco said. Everyone feels lonely from time to time, but this is a deeper question about whether you regularly feel left out or isolated. One recent survey suggested that roughly one in three Americans have experienced “serious loneliness” during the pandemic.
It also helps to ask yourself if there are parts of your identity that feel restricted, Dr. Franco said.
How my heart sings 