9 Keys to Handling Hostile and Confrontational People | Psychology Today

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/communication-success/201510/9-keys-handling-hostile-and-confrontational-people

Escalation

One of the most common characteristics of confrontational and hostile individuals is that they project their aggression to push your buttons and keep you off balance. By doing so, they create an advantage from which they can exploit your weaknesses.

If you are required to deal with a difficult individual, one of the most important rules of thumb to keep your cool. The less reactive you are to provocations, the more you can use your better judgment to handle the situation.

When you feel upset with or challenged by someone, before you say or do something you might later regret, take a deep breath and count slowly to ten. In many instances, by the time you reach ten, you would have regained composure, and figured out a better response to the issue, so that you can reduce, instead of exacerbate the problem. If you’re still upset after counting to ten, take a time out if possible, and revisit the issue after you calm down. If necessary, use phrases such as “this is not a good time for me to talk…,” or “let’s deal with this after we cool off…” to buy yourself time. By maintaining self-control, you leverage more power to manage the situation.

Simple ways to save water

When I was a child we didn’t have a bathroom but once a week on a Saturday evening we were washed in a tin bath in front of the fire

That saves a lot of water.

What you have to consider is the habits of the people. The children in my class at school we’re mostly in a similar situation and we probably all smells a little bit sweaty but nobody stood out.

Now people are very much cleaner on the whole so if you only had a bath once a week you might not be quite so clea

n so you would have to be very careful how to wash your body well without using so much water.

As we are animals it’s possible that men are attracted by women’s smell so they might get turned on more if we did not have a bath or a shower more often.

What conclusion you draw from that it’s up to you

Anything similar

like washing your clothes less often and mopping the floor less often is going to say water

Whatever you do you must not stop drinking a lot of water especially in hot weather.

I have heard the arthritis can be worse if you don’t drink enough water.

In Britain the main use of water is on farms and our land use for growing crops so it is up to the farmers and the government to deal with that.

Since we always believe that things were going to get better  and better 0 we are now worried about our aspirations.

If salvation lay in having a shower daily will we be/do better if we have 2 showers?

Here we are crossing the border line into to obsessive-compulsive disorder

For some of us we would carry on like this until having a bath every hour and we will not be able to go to work and have no money we lose our home and end up livin’ on a dung heap.

more and more of the same thing does not lead to perfection but to insanity.

You can only increase one activity by doing less  of other activities. If children spend too long doing homework they will have less time for play. Play is essential for learning so in the long run spending too much time on homework may be an error.

Not really a good idea to have only one interest in life.

Many others are not very confident and and maybe as we get towards retirement we envy people who have very interesting hobbies like creating model trains or imagining how to take a rail journey round England and Scotland and you actually close your eyes after you’ve looked at the back of the photographs and imagine you are looking after the train window at some beautiful hills and the sea, if you like reading why don’t you try writing something? It makes a big difference to me reading poetry now after I have written many poems I found it much more interesting . Even if your poetry is not very good it will still help you when you’re reading poetry because you have some idea of what the point might be trying to do do and it will increase your interest in your language whether English or something else.

Many things are interesting such as making cakes If a man wanted to learn how to make cakes I think that will be very good because if his wife had previously been doing the baking he will appreciate the time involved in her expertise in

He might ask her to teach him

Unfortunately men

in that position will decide that they are better than the wife She’s been doing it for 40 years and she might feel very distressed devalued for something that previously she felt good about.

Don’t do something other people in your family do, try something completely different.

Learn to make your own clothes or make patchwork quilts. The something about using your hands to make something that can be very very beautiful when we slow down to the rhythm of the world and get into a deeper connection with the tools and the wook of metal or whatever we are using

It may seem as if we are knitting or weaving this very world that we are living in but you have to slow down a lot before you find that out.

Slowing down to the pace of life. Does blood hasten through the arteries?

It should only happen for a short time I’m when we are under stress but if the blood rushes around the body it’s the blood pressure going higher and ultimately you could have a heart attack so slow down the pace of life so down to the rhythm of the world to the rhythm of the waves breaking on the shore in the morning when the dawn is breaking and everything is pale and you are beautiful like the skin of a baby like the smile of your lover.

Slow slow slow let us become like the waves on the sea coming in in going out in and out gently like a feather floating down from the sky from a passing bird the the feather does not rush to get to earth because the journey is more important then the end which is lying on the earth and being trodden into the ground.

There’s no hurry.

I will even say that Hurry is a bad thing

And so say all of us

Sins we had never heard of.

It’s interesting that when something is sinful according to Christian teachings then it’s written down in various places. When I used a missal a Catholic prayer book there was a section on the sacrament of confession which contained the list of sins. I never ever wondered how this was put together It was quite a long list I had discovered later that some people were just looking through and picking out a couple of sins and then confess their sins when they went into the confessional with the priest!

Obviously they didn’t know that we were all sinners for whom Jesus died on the cross and therefore we had to confess our real sins that we really done to the priest.

I wonder how many Catholics misinterpreted this but I do know my sister confessed to adultery when she was 12 years old. Told me that she had got the word from that list but she didn’t know what it was and I didn’t tell her.

Why should I cause my sister distress? It was s very long list of sins and it was quite a good education;it was almost as good as finding a list of swear words and 4-letter words that you must never say when you never would have seen them previously because you didn’t know of their existence and you never heard anyone say them.

If you you are 7 or 8 when you make your first Communion have you ever wondered what the children knew because some of them couldn’t read!!

It is even more strange that the average reading age of adults in this country is between 9 and 10 that means that 50% of the population had a reading age below 10 which means that they could only read a limited number of words when to read a newspaper like the Times or the Guardian you need a reading age of 14 so it would appear that three quarters of the population of Britain cannot read a proper newspaper at all with any degree of success. And they probably could not afford to buy those expensive papers

Since the reading age is declining even further it’s possible that is a connection to the weak politicians we now have. Only idiots would vote for some of the people who are in office or who will hope to get into office at the next general election so in one sense it is not in the interests or the political class to raise the reading age of our children in schools. It’s possible that using computers and other screens might mean that the vocabulary the children meet at different ages may be reduced from what it used to be when we are all read books paper books. I’m sure that information must exist. Conversation is a place where we learn language and increase our vocabulary but is conversation as common now but it used to be by? Writing texting and emailing language comes across a little bit differently and again it may be a language with fewer words that the full number in the English language and literature which used to be named by a proportion of people let’s say the ones who went to college or of the ones who did GCSE level subjects at school.

Returning to the subject of sin we can increase our vocabulary by reading some of the list of sins in prayer books especially Catholic ones. I wonder if some theologians like to think about sins for reasons that are not entirely honourable,

If my sister reached the age of 12 without having anything said about being bad or committing sins and believed that the list was put there for our convenience to save us thinking about what we had actually done then why would see loads of them just wanting to tell her that she might suffer from

irregular motions of the flesh ?If she got married she added adultery to her behaviour so that she could confess to it when she went to church.

My tree

how could you convince your child the telling lies was wrong has madewhen when Boris Johnson that’s very clear but it’s not wrong for him to tell lies?

What about irregular motions of the brain brought on by using iPads and laptops not to mention smartphones.

Such words “not to mention” could have been used in the present to say you know this sinful to steal people’s food and I don’t want to mention all the other things like adultery theft selfishness greed calling someone nasty names murder anti-semitism; and several thousand more.

Essex fires

Autumn time in Essex  where we drove
When farmers burned the stubble of the corn
The earth itself was  fiery  like young love
The smokey air rose like a  cloud  new born

The Kentish  landlocked   cliffs  are  wide and steep
The farmers grow  their grain on land beneath
And there too we  have seen the holy fire
The flames  and smoke arrest me with desire

The earth and soil, the  harvest  we find there
Give me joy  both full of wheat or bare
Why did burning stubble   make me glow?
These images affect the heart’s deep core

Now  fires are banned., they damage our pure air
And I   did not like the murder of the hare

Seeds need the soil

It’s fortunate that we don’t vacuum Woods

Getting the earth clean is never good

Creation really happens when thing mix.

The seeds drop into earth like petals do,not bricks

The tiny seed contains all that it needs

To grow into a most specific tre

But it needs a soil enriched by wild decay.

The treetops sing while all the world’s play

Along with the swear words

The convent school was so strict we weren’t even allowed to talk to ourself in the corridors.

When they proved the existence of God I realised their god was not my god..

It was a mortal sin to kiss your boyfriend so I kissed my sister’s boyfriend instead.

Women weren’t allowed to swear but it in order to avoid swearing we had to learn a long list of swear words and four letter words but I never heard of before.

My dad did say damn once when he’ was trying to mend my shoes. When the hammer had leaped up and bit him

Or did it hit him?

Annie gets into hot water

Mary went into the bookshop and as usual knocked all the books of the table by the door.Emile was in her old Polish leather journalists’ bag.
Oh, mother for God’s sake,why are you so clumsly, he mewed
Maybe I’ve got dispraxia, she smiled imperviously
At least you’ve not got discalculia,Emile murmured wickedly
I think it is coming on, she pertly responded,I find it so hard to keep my accounts now.Maybe it’s because I hate dealing with money.
I am sorry I am not a man,said Emile.I could get job and give you housekeeping money and a dress allowance
That is sweet but I do have enough to manage on, she cried wilfully
Then they saw Annie coming in the door wearing a yellow blouse and skirt which had attracted a huge cloud of wasps and bees who believed she was a giant buttercup
Luckily her foundation was not yellow but deep pink ivory by Guerroad of Paris and Wigan
Her lipstick was called Red Vice and was made in Southport for Yves de Pourrant
Her eyes were invisible behind her cyclists’ sunglasses from,Milletts but she had bought contact lenses which made her eyes look like lapis lazula
What are all those bees doing in here, cried the manager
They are with me,said Annie in a nasty tone of voice
Will they not stay outside, he muttered shamefaced
Unfortunately they have not learned English yet, she told him.The Government have stopped English as a foreign language lessons for immigrants, you see.
Don’t tell me they are immigrants, he shouted.That is absolutely ridiculous
Well swallows are immigrants, she informed him,
Do you mean the government is paying their rent and buying them all new cars like they do to Romanians?
I didn’t know Romanians got free brand new cars from the government.They must have got some incriminating photographs of Theresa May eating trifle with her bare hands while delivering a rebuke to Boris Manson.Or maybe Boris Manson had done something terrible!
You can say that again, shouted Annie.He’s an ace at doing stupid things.
He went to Eton,Mary told her
What’s that got to do with it,Annie asked her
Well, just recalled when I was teaching at Cloxford there was a youth from Eton in the seminar group.He managed to get a third class degree
I bet his parents didn’t know a 22 year old working class girl was teaching him
Well, he didn’t know my age but I could still get half fare on the bus.He looked older than me but his parents were never around.As for being working class I did work very hard with that class and all tnhe others got decent seconds,Mary reported.
The manager appeared and threw a bucketful of hot water over Annie and the bees
Eeh,I am in hot water.Ring 999 and get Dave the transvestite paramedic and some towels
But who will dry the bees,asked poor Emile?
God dries bees who dry themselves.said Mary
In to the shop came Dave running as fast as he could.He knocked down all the books on the tables.
What’s happened ,he trilled?
It’s the manager.I think he is dead, Annie said.I hit him with my handbag
I can resuscitate him,Dave wept.But keep mum about your blow
The manager came to and looked bewildered.I thought I had died and gone to heaven and here I am in this horrible shop again.
Annie went over and dried herself on his jacket
.Thanks for the free wash, she whispered.Meet me tonight in the pub
I am a married man, he told her
That’s what they all say,Annie said in her inimitable manner
And so say all of us

Difficult communications: Overview of The GAVSD System

https://adrr.com/aa/overview.html

Blaming placating computing levelling

Blaming in response to Blaming gets you a fight.

Placating in response to Placating gets you an undignified delay.

Computing in response to Computing gets you a dignified delay.

Leveling in response to Leveling is an exchange of the simple truth; it’s always the best choice when it’s safe and when it’s appropriate.

Distracting in reponse to Distracting is panic feeding panic; it’s always a mistake.

Rule One:
If you don’t know what to do, go to Computer Mode and stay there until you have a good reason to change.

Rule Two:
If it would be desirable for the Satir Mode coming at you to escalate…….. Please read the article by clicking on the link above

Emotions and our brain

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/05/books/review/emotional-leonard-mlodinow.html

All

EMOTIONAL
How Feelings Shape Our Thinking
By Leonard Mlodinow

One of the greatest physicists of the last century, Paul Dirac, had no use for emotions. “My life is mainly concerned with facts, not feelings,” he declared. He loved his emotion-free existence, or so it seemed, until he met a vivacious woman who was his exact opposite — impulsive and ardent. She became his wife and not only made him a happy man but also dramatically changed his personality. He became a feeling human being, which in turn affected his science.

Yes, physics! If being logical and rational were all that mattered, we wouldn’t need actual physicists. The job could be done by computers. Later in life, Dirac became so convinced that knowledge needs to be combined with intuitions, crazy hunches and irrational perseverance that whenever he was asked about the secret to his success, he stressed that one needs to be guided above all by one’s emotions.

Leonard Mlodinow
Leonard MlodinowCredit…Ralph Adolphs
Leonard Mlodinow

Dirac’s case is one of many

EMOTIONAL
How Feelings Shape Our Thinking
By Leonard Mlodinow

One of the greatest physicists of the last century, Paul Dirac, had no use for emotions. “My life is mainly concerned with facts, not feelings,” he declared. He loved his emotion-free existence, or so it seemed, until he met a vivacious woman who was his exact opposite — impulsive and ardent. She became his wife and not only made him a happy man but also dramatically changed his personality. He became a feeling human being, which in turn affected his science.

Yes, physics! If being logical and rational were all that mattered, we wouldn’t need actual physicists. The job could be done by computers. Later in life, Dirac became so convinced that knowledge needs to be combined with intuitions, crazy hunches and irrational perseverance that whenever he was asked about the secret to his success, he stressed that one needs to be guided above all by one’s emotions.

Leonard Mlodinow
Leonard MlodinowCredit…Ralph Adolphs
Leonard Mlodinow