Annie gets into hot water

Mary went into the bookshop and as usual knocked all the books of the table by the door.Emile was in her old Polish leather journalists’ bag.
Oh, mother for God’s sake,why are you so clumsly, he mewed
Maybe I’ve got dispraxia, she smiled imperviously
At least you’ve not got discalculia,Emile murmured wickedly
I think it is coming on, she pertly responded,I find it so hard to keep my accounts now.Maybe it’s because I hate dealing with money.
I am sorry I am not a man,said Emile.I could get job and give you housekeeping money and a dress allowance
That is sweet but I do have enough to manage on, she cried wilfully
Then they saw Annie coming in the door wearing a yellow blouse and skirt which had attracted a huge cloud of wasps and bees who believed she was a giant buttercup
Luckily her foundation was not yellow but deep pink ivory by Guerroad of Paris and Wigan
Her lipstick was called Red Vice and was made in Southport for Yves de Pourrant
Her eyes were invisible behind her cyclists’ sunglasses from,Milletts but she had bought contact lenses which made her eyes look like lapis lazula
What are all those bees doing in here, cried the manager
They are with me,said Annie in a nasty tone of voice
Will they not stay outside, he muttered shamefaced
Unfortunately they have not learned English yet, she told him.The Government have stopped English as a foreign language lessons for immigrants, you see.
Don’t tell me they are immigrants, he shouted.That is absolutely ridiculous
Well swallows are immigrants, she informed him,
Do you mean the government is paying their rent and buying them all new cars like they do to Romanians?
I didn’t know Romanians got free brand new cars from the government.They must have got some incriminating photographs of Theresa May eating trifle with her bare hands while delivering a rebuke to Boris Manson.Or maybe Boris Manson had done something terrible!
You can say that again, shouted Annie.He’s an ace at doing stupid things.
He went to Eton,Mary told her
What’s that got to do with it,Annie asked her
Well, just recalled when I was teaching at Cloxford there was a youth from Eton in the seminar group.He managed to get a third class degree
I bet his parents didn’t know a 22 year old working class girl was teaching him
Well, he didn’t know my age but I could still get half fare on the bus.He looked older than me but his parents were never around.As for being working class I did work very hard with that class and all tnhe others got decent seconds,Mary reported.
The manager appeared and threw a bucketful of hot water over Annie and the bees
Eeh,I am in hot water.Ring 999 and get Dave the transvestite paramedic and some towels
But who will dry the bees,asked poor Emile?
God dries bees who dry themselves.said Mary
In to the shop came Dave running as fast as he could.He knocked down all the books on the tables.
What’s happened ,he trilled?
It’s the manager.I think he is dead, Annie said.I hit him with my handbag
I can resuscitate him,Dave wept.But keep mum about your blow
The manager came to and looked bewildered.I thought I had died and gone to heaven and here I am in this horrible shop again.
Annie went over and dried herself on his jacket
.Thanks for the free wash, she whispered.Meet me tonight in the pub
I am a married man, he told her
That’s what they all say,Annie said in her inimitable manner
And so say all of us

I welcome comments and criticism

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.