https://lithub.com/on-envy-unsatisfied-desire-and-not-waiting-for-permission/

 

Extract

Michele Filgate: Taylor, in your novel Stranger, Father, Beloved your character Michael sees his wife talking to another man at a party and is certain that’s the man she should have married. From the outside Michael is a successful man with a nice house and a perfect family, or so it seems. So why is a man who seems to have everything envious of a moment of passion he witnesses between his wife and a stranger?

Taylor Larsen: I love the question because it contains the answer. He sees passion for a second and that’s what’s missing from his life. He is one of these people who is so caught in his head and disconnected from his real desires that he actually sees two people having a spontaneous, beautiful moment and is so envious and it just ignites in him this desire to be spontaneous, to be in the moment. As someone who is sort of an intellectual, I can relate to that feeling of feeling really disconnected and wanting passion, which is kind of what I think everybody really wants deep down.

Photograph by Sean Fitzroy.

MF: Jamie, in Fire Sermon you write, “C.S. Lewis says that if we were able to return to the locus of our nostalgia, the place or person or spot of time in which we experienced joy, we would find only more nostalgia. As far back as we could go—a view from a childhood window, patterned light on a nursery wall—we would find only an unsatisfied desire that is itself more desirable than any other satisfaction. An indication not of the illusion of our existence, but of its ultimate reality elsewhere. A home we once knew but can’t quite remember, to which we will someday return.”

And that’s just beautiful, I think it’s an appropriate way to look at envy, this idea of the unsatisfied desire being something we have always known but we can’t always grasp.

Jamie Quatro: That envy in ourselves, if we kind of take a step back from it, and evaluate it and observe it and think, well, what is it that I’m envious of, that can be an indication of something, like from that passage, some longing that we have in ourselves—possibly a calling.

For example, when I was growing up and kind of starting to get my feet wet writing and I would go to these readings, and I would go to these events and I would see authors sitting up front, I had this feeling in my stomach like—I want that, I want to do that. And now I’m like why did I want to do that. [laughter] It’s terrifying. But truly I would feel this passion and I think that it was like the coin flip of envy. I was envious but I was also excited and it motivated me and it made me want to go home and write. So I think if you can step back from your own envy and see those things and evaluate and it and say, OK I think this is an indication of something, an indication of my calling. Let it motivate me and flip it on it’s head like Kate said, it can help you with motivation.

Someone told me that when you envy someone else that implicit in that idea is that you believe there is a pie and only so much of it available, and if someone else gets a piece of that pie that’s less pie for me. But that’s bunk. [If] we encourage and support each other the more success there is, it multiplies. To remember that when you feel that envious feeling.

Poetry & Ritual

Beginning:

“I wrestled with death as a
threshold, an aporia, a bandit,
a part of life”

–Akilah Oliver

“The poem is restorative, rather
than fragmenting.”

–Alexandra Grilikhes

for Anne Waldman

Can I take a walking stick  on the train ?
Can it talk as well?

Can I take my hat off  before I sit down?
Gosh,is it on your behind?

Can I eat pizza with my bare hands
You tell me.

Can I have an egg for  breakfast?
You may.

Is there any milk in the bottle
Yes,baby.

Can I play cricket?
Well,it looks like cricket but who gives  the permission?

Shall I part my hair?
You need at least two to part.

Am I human?
God only knows!

Do I need a crutch on holiday?
Are you planning to go in the Fall?

Do I need a crepe bandage
I suggest you  try it on your mouth.

Why are you cruel?
To be kind.

Why are you not very intelligent?
Je suis  le moron de Tel Aviv.At least my T shirt says that, a gift from an admirer.
But are you agreeing you are stupid
Read between  the mines

https://www.moneycrashers.com/small-house-living/

To save money

1. Watch Less Television. To curb the impulse to buy, cut down on watching TV. We don’t have cable, and when we do watch TV, we tune in to public television, or watch a movie. The less TV you watch, the less ads you see, which means the less pressure you feel to go out and buy new things all the time.
2. Adopt a Strategy. If you bring something new into the house, something of equal size should go. I keep a bin in the downstairs closet to make adding to the donation pile quick and easy. Figure out what works best for your lifestyle and space, and set it up.
3. Make Use of All Free Space. Use furniture that has closed storage built in. Nothing makes a small house look smaller than clutter. If you can keep it organized, your house will look and feel a lot bigger.
4. Work With Color. People differ on whether bright paint colors make a room look bigger, or whether darker colors actually make a room look large. I’ve erred on the side of bright and cheerful. My own home is full of color: turquoise, orange, red, off-white, green, and yellow. The result of this bright color palette is that, at least in my opinion, each room feels open and full of energy and possibility. If you live in a small home, don’t be afraid to experiment with color to find a blend that makes it feel open and inviting. At least if you don’t like the color, the room is small enough so that repainting won’t take that long!

All in all, living small successfully means staying mindful of the physical objects you choose to live with. This mindfulness is, I believe, sorely lacking in today’s society. And many small home owners would say the same, including Weaver.

“I think it does make you think about what you can get by on,” Weaver says. “That you don’t need a bunch of stuff to be happy. There’s something of value in knowing that you can get by on living with less.”

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2018/may/03/sex-a-key-part-of-life-for-people-over-65-study-says

Arthritis and   angina won’t  stop me
I’ll have a sex life till I’m ninety three
I’ll take a mini aspirin and  trust luck
For I feel like I need a total shock

I’m sure we’ll find a posture we can use
If I lie down then you can suck my toes
If you need many kisses just keep still
I feel I can give fifty with good will

We’ll have to go to Pilates and gym
If we’re not married,will it be a sin?
I feel it keep my elan high  to  care
For a nice man who wants to  brush my hair

And then we must keep clean to be prepared
In case  we get a chance to all unbare
So it  is good to keep us in the flow
People come and sometimes have to go

I’ll keep  my GNT beside the bed
To olive oil  and perfume I am led.~
And we can use a waterproof or two
To keep the mattress dry as I love you.

Incontinence will mortify the shy
As from their body water seems to fly
But do not fear the shame will be the end
Don’t give up  unless you cannot bend.

Two stiff old  people smiling in their bed
Was it for this that we on dew  were fed?
See us drink our tea from china mugs.
In Hartlepoole we drank tea  from pot jugs

On Teesside people speak a different tongue
So we can swear while singing a love song
Noone understands the  Viking lore
Light a fire and I’ll reveal much more

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/explore/weird-and-wonderful-words/

A few I chose

astrobleme	an eroded remnant of a large, ancient crater made by the impact of a meteorite or comet
Attic salt	refined, incisive wit
autotomy	the casting off of a limb or other part of the body by an animal under threat, such as a lizard
badmash	Indian a hooligan
bandoline	a sticky preparation used for setting hair
bardolatry	humorous excessive admiration of Shakespeare (‘the Bard of Avon’)
Barmecide	illusory or imaginary and therefore disappointing
barn burner	N. Amer. a very exciting or dramatic event, especially a sports contest; first used of an exceptionally good hand at bridge.
bashment	W. Indian a large party or dance
bawbee	Scottish a coin of low value
benthos	the flora and fauna on the bottom of a sea or lake
bergschrund	a type of crevasse
bezoar	a small hard, solid mass which may form in the stomachs of animals such as goats or sheep
bibliopole	a person who buys and sells books, especially rare ones
bichon frise	a breed of toy dog with a fine, curly white coat
bilboes	an iron bar with sliding shackles, used to fasten prisoners’ ankles
bindlestiff	N. Amer. a tramp
bingle	Austral. informal a collision
blatherskite	a person who talks at great length without making much sense
bleeding edge	the very forefront of technological development
blind pig	N. Amer. informal a place where alcoholic drinks are sold illegally
bobsy-die

Fried orange rind with duck’s legs and whispers of potato
Speckled eggs in the cup with Turkish pudding and  bastard
Lemon fried soles and heels on brown lice with green ballet
Yorkshire pudding in union flag and  postures
Pick your own pig and we will slaughter in  immediately.You pay.
Unknown meat in thick gravy and sprouting greetings

Pay with real money and we give you real food

 

Out of all the people on this earth
Is it merely chance that I loved you?
Who can tell me what my love was worth?

My  haunted aunt, afflicted by a curse,
Married someone cruel and was so blue
So are  many people on this earth.

Out of love we hope there will be birth
A child, a poem a thought, a clue
Who dares tell me what my love was worth?

Love must surely tempered be  by mirth
And for me this  is  is  now overdue
As for many people on this earth.

Now I wander random  on these paths
Am I seeking you or someone new?
Who  shall tell me what my love is worth?

As the grass is wetted with the dew
So my tears ran  softly over you
Out of all the people on this earth
Why  do  strangers ask   me for love’s worth

 

 

 

 

 

 

A British celebration comes in May
The month not politician rest assured,
A wedding  Royal , a love and its display

Remember kind  Diana and the Play
She  gave her little sons  her love mature
A British celebration comes in May

Why do they give no workers’ holiday?
The souls of politicians are impure
A wedding  Royal , a love and its display

We might have had a party and felt gay
The   entire street united, not so sour
A British celebration comes in May

Those who hate the Royals can go away
No enforced watching must  these men endure
A wedding  Royal , a love and its display

For unconscious racists, conscious cure
Meghan helps us all with sweet allure
A wedding  Royal ,a lasting love displayed
A world wide celebration comes in May

https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/love-poems

The town of Alston in Cumbria BBC

A hamster,damn.
Where does glass go?
I’ve done Dee a favour
The isle of Wight is changing its name soon as people can’t spell Wight
The isle of Dogs has to let cats in
Blackheath  says it is having electric lights put  all over it.
Well, who was the Carl in Carlisle and who was the Ull in Ullswater
Don’t mention  Pen’s wrath.
I used to hear mum saying Shap fell.But to whom?
Loch Lomond  is changing to Loch Lowmood as  the people who fell in are not happy bunnies any more
What made us build a town as high as Alston in Cumbria?Was it so we could see the Langdale Pikes below us?
I will lift up mine eyes to the hills

Mesmerised by   voices in my head
I did not  live by senses or desire
But into inner chatting I was led

Do I think democracy is dead?
Do I think my good friend is a liar?
Listening   to the voices in my head

Will I faint or  blush in someone’s bed?
Shall I light the oven or the fire?
Into inner wordiness I’m led

Silence  gives  us space  for joy and dread
Too much talking makes the mind feel tired
Shall I miss the gossip someone said?

In our psyche  is a space for God
Yet fear too can erupt  with rapid tread
All my inner chatting hurts my head

The senses teach the soul how we might pray
Being alive to Nature in the day
Weary of  the Plays inside my head
I  looked at trees  and flowers and birds instead

It is too often forgotten that the gift of speech, so centrally employed, has been elaborated as much for the purpose of concealing thought by dissimulation and lying as for the purpose of elucidating and communicating thought.

h
Broken lamp

https://www.dailywritingtips.com/worked-wrought-and-overwrought/

 

Judging by comments and emails I receive whenever I write about the verb wreak, some English speakers believe that the past tense of wreak is wrought.

That’s not the case.

Wrought is an archaic past tense form of the verb work.

Work and wreak derive from different Old English verbs: wyrcan (do, make) and wrecan (to avenge). Both work and wreak belong to a class of irregular verbs that have acquired regular -ed endings in modern English. If wreak had remained irregular, its forms would probably look like these: “wreak, wroke, (have) wroken.”

The verb work has a modern -ed ending, but the old past tense wrought survives in a few contexts and idioms.

Writing in the early 20th century, H. W. Fowler (Modern English Usage) commented on the fact that the past form of work was in a state of transition:

The decline of the form wrought is so manifest, yet so far from complete, that it is impossible to say from year to year where idiom still requires it and where it is already archaic.

In the 1965 edition, Gowers, changed “disappearance” to “decline,” perhaps because the old form continued to be used in the sense of done, made, fashioned, or brought about:

The stage show is tight and well-wrought.—1997 book about Jazz.
The metaphorical movement of coming into that understanding is beautifully wrought with the use of a large black drapery that the congregation passes beneath as four of the dancers hold the corners.—2013 opera review

To see the changes Edward Snowden wrought, just look at your smartphone—2014 headline.

The reason that many speakers associate wrought with wreak may have to do with the fact that we have two idioms with the word havoc. A storm or other disaster “wreaks havoc,” but people and institutions can “work havoc.”

The “works havoc” idiom is not as common as it was, but it is still found in recent use:

http://thefederalist.com/2017/03/14/cant-live-without-nonsense/

 

“In his essay, “A Defence of Nonsense” (1902), the English poet, philosopher, journalist, and theologian G.K. Chesterton wrote on the value of nonsense in this modern age to teach about wonder and faith. Chesterton said:

We fancy that nonsense will, in a very unexpected way, come to the aid of the spiritual view of things. Religion has for centuries been trying to make men exult in the ‘wonders’ of creation, but it has forgotten that a thing cannot be completely wonderful so long as it remains sensible…Nonsense and faith (strange as the conjunction may seem) are the two supreme symbolic assertions of the truth that to draw out the soul of things with a logical syllogism is as impossible as to draw out Leviathan with a hook.”

 

I  once had a doctor called Jones
He  said he could sometimes hear groans
I laughed  and I cried
I took him aside
To explain about Molly Malone

Seeing cracked humans all day
Is painful,one cannot gainsay
But they get  some love
From the old one above
Helping arthritics to pray

I can’t go to Mass anymore
I can’t genuflect at the door
The  altar boy bit me
The candle near lit me
What dangers there are which allure

 

Oh,I did like to grow up in old Teesside
The  wind blew in from  Billingham, ICI
I had asthma and bronchitis
The Tees gave me neuritis
Yet Redcar beach will always  give me joy.

I did like to fall off Cliffs in Saltburn
The Langdale pikes near  put me in an urn
I broke my legs and fingers
When I fell right through a window
Yet I’m still here and want to love  and earn

I tried to learn to sail off Whitby
The East wind and the salt var’ nearly  killed me
I  always took  the hard road
Learned euphemistic bar codes
I love the sandy shore and the   wide sea

I once passed an hour and more in Malton
I had a cup of tea and they put salt in
It kills the germs and  vermin
Which therefore will determine
Whether Trump will  always be a toxin

Mushroom stuffed brains on unlevelled bread
Fried banana with sardines on Chorley Cake or free chips and bread
Black pudding with  real blood and avocado in grapeseeds
Bacon and raw egg in a glass of fresh milk
Chicken Twist with boiled harlot on toast
Melon and ginger with  wincing beef  in a jacket potato
Roast beef with Tees-side pudding on mashed tomatoes

This amazing image was created by Katherine using Microsoft Paint and a nail brush

Mary was in her front room looking for the Jewish Cookery book by Penguin.She couldn’t see it,so said to herself,Jesus Christ, you’re a bloody idiot,Mary
As she turned to walk away, the book fell onto her head.
Thank you,Lord, she said in a sarcastic tone of voice.There was no response
She went into the bijou kitchen covered in cerulean blue tiles by her late husband Stan, while he was still here in this world.Why not make a cup of tea, she asked herself politely
Just then the back door opened and her neighbour Annie ran in.She was dressed in indigo trousers with a scarlet top and scarf.
Her face glowed with Avenue Oat and Lentil  CC moisturiser  with sunscreen and  she had green mascara on her eyelashes from Rive Sans Torrent de Paris and Bruxelles. which matched her trainers and her eye glasses
May I have tea? she said shyly.I ‘ve just been to my English Grammar lesson
Yes,you will be very welcome,Mary said.But why bother now to learn the difference between MAY I and CAN I?
I feel better if I am more confident,Annie said.And the tutor is very handsome
Is it a man? Mary asked
That seems grammatically erroneous.IT refers to   a non-human object
What should I say? Is she a man, is he  a man,are they a man,is that a man? Mary wondered.
Well, they could  even be something else,Annie told her
Don’t say any more or Jordan Peterson will be here shouting at you
I am  puzzled by him,Mary said.He said he was a therapist but his voice is not very mellifluous and you’d have to be careful what you said to him.
Like, you hate housework and prefer to try to solve Fermat’s Last Theorem? Annie whispered nervously
Well,yes, but with a therapist you need to be relaxed and say whatever comes into your head,like Canadians were redeemed  by St.Eliezer a  Cohen,usually referred to as Leonard but I can’t see JP getting on with him Leonard loved women  but he was never actually married legally.JP would hate him.
He looks very cross and  annoyed despite a marriage and family.I wonder if he helps his wife to cook the dinner,Annie pondered
Not likely, Mary said as she looked through her Jewish cookery  book.
I might make a cheesecake tomorrow, she cried.I need a new recipe as I’ve met a  man online and we are taking a picnic to the Park.
Are you sure, he/it/they is/are a man?  Annie said politely
How can one be now,said Mary.I suppose  he/they want to pass as a man but I hope he is a biological man if we are to marry.
He might be gay,Annie told her
Then why would he ask me out?
Because he is a mathematician and he wants to discuss surreal numbers,Annie giggled
Would you join SoulMates and pay a fee just to talk about those? Mary replied in a  puzzled way.
I guess it’s cheaper than  taking a train to Oxford and sneaking into the Maths Institute,Annie informed her.
OK,I shall bear that in mind.What shall I wear?
In the park you might sit on the grass so wear some thick trousers and a wool sweater
I won’t look very charming  in those,Mary said furtively, afraid Emile her cat might get angry if he knew she was dating a new man.
Can’t I wear a red dress with flowers all over and a yellow hat?
You CAN…. but is it WISE? Yellow attracts insects
Well,Mary said,I don’t mind what they are,I just want SOMEONE or SOMETHING to be attracted to me.
And so say all of us.Except Emile

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/learn/glossary-terms/imagery

 

 

Imagery

Elements of a poem that invoke any of the five senses to create a set of mental images. Specifically, using vivid or figurative language to represent ideas, objects, or actions. Poems that use rich imagery include T.S. Eliot’s “Preludes,” Percy Bysshe Shelley’s “Ode to the West Wind,” Sylvia Plath’s “Daddy,” and Mary Oliver’s “At Black River.”