Helping arthritics to pray



I  once had a doctor called Jones
He  said he could sometimes hear groans
I laughed  and I cried
I took him aside
To explain about Molly Malone

Seeing cracked humans all day
Is painful,one cannot gainsay
But they get  some love
From the old one above
Helping arthritics to pray

I can’t go to Mass anymore
I can’t genuflect at the door
The  altar boy bit me
The candle near lit me
What dangers there are which allure


Growing up in Teesside

Oh,I did like to grow up in old Teesside
The  wind blew in from  Billingham, ICI
I had asthma and bronchitis
The Tees gave me neuritis
Yet Redcar beach will always  give me joy.

I did like to fall off Cliffs in Saltburn
The Langdale pikes near  put me in an urn
I broke my legs and fingers
When I fell right through a window
Yet I’m still here and want to love  and earn

I tried to learn to sail off Whitby
The East wind and the salt var’ nearly  killed me
I  always took  the hard road
Learned euphemistic bar codes
I love the sandy shore and the   wide sea

I once passed an hour and more in Malton
I had a cup of tea and they put salt in
It kills the germs and  vermin
Which therefore will determine
Whether Trump will  always be a toxin

Dinner at mine

Mushroom stuffed brains on unlevelled bread
Fried banana with sardines on Chorley Cake or free chips and bread
Black pudding with  real blood and avocado in grapeseeds
Bacon and raw egg in a glass of fresh milk
Chicken Twist with boiled harlot on toast
Melon and ginger with  wincing beef  in a jacket potato
Roast beef with Tees-side pudding on mashed tomatoes

Mary thinks while Annie learns Grammar

This amazing image was created by Katherine using Microsoft Paint and a nail brush

Mary was in her front room looking for the Jewish Cookery book by Penguin.She couldn’t see it,so said to herself,Jesus Christ, you’re a bloody idiot,Mary
As she turned to walk away, the book fell onto her head.
Thank you,Lord, she said in a sarcastic tone of voice.There was no response
She went into the bijou kitchen covered in cerulean blue tiles by her late husband Stan, while he was still here in this world.Why not make a cup of tea, she asked herself politely
Just then the back door opened and her neighbour Annie ran in.She was dressed in indigo trousers with a scarlet top and scarf.
Her face glowed with Avenue Oat and Lentil  CC moisturiser  with sunscreen and  she had green mascara on her eyelashes from Rive Sans Torrent de Paris and Bruxelles. which matched her trainers and her eye glasses
May I have tea? she said shyly.I ‘ve just been to my English Grammar lesson
Yes,you will be very welcome,Mary said.But why bother now to learn the difference between MAY I and CAN I?
I feel better if I am more confident,Annie said.And the tutor is very handsome
Is it a man? Mary asked
That seems grammatically erroneous.IT refers to   a non-human object
What should I say? Is she a man, is he  a man,are they a man,is that a man? Mary wondered.
Well, they could  even be something else,Annie told her
Don’t say any more or Jordan Peterson will be here shouting at you
I am  puzzled by him,Mary said.He said he was a therapist but his voice is not very mellifluous and you’d have to be careful what you said to him.
Like, you hate housework and prefer to try to solve Fermat’s Last Theorem? Annie whispered nervously
Well,yes, but with a therapist you need to be relaxed and say whatever comes into your head,like Canadians were redeemed  by St.Eliezer a  Cohen,usually referred to as Leonard but I can’t see JP getting on with him Leonard loved women  but he was never actually married legally.JP would hate him.
He looks very cross and  annoyed despite a marriage and family.I wonder if he helps his wife to cook the dinner,Annie pondered
Not likely, Mary said as she looked through her Jewish cookery  book.
I might make a cheesecake tomorrow, she cried.I need a new recipe as I’ve met a  man online and we are taking a picnic to the Park.
Are you sure, he/it/they is/are a man?  Annie said politely
How can one be now,said Mary.I suppose  he/they want to pass as a man but I hope he is a biological man if we are to marry.
He might be gay,Annie told her
Then why would he ask me out?
Because he is a mathematician and he wants to discuss surreal numbers,Annie giggled
Would you join SoulMates and pay a fee just to talk about those? Mary replied in a  puzzled way.
I guess it’s cheaper than  taking a train to Oxford and sneaking into the Maths Institute,Annie informed her.
OK,I shall bear that in mind.What shall I wear?
In the park you might sit on the grass so wear some thick trousers and a wool sweater
I won’t look very charming  in those,Mary said furtively, afraid Emile her cat might get angry if he knew she was dating a new man.
Can’t I wear a red dress with flowers all over and a yellow hat?
You CAN…. but is it WISE? Yellow attracts insects
Well,Mary said,I don’t mind what they are,I just want SOMEONE or SOMETHING to be attracted to me.
And so say all of us.Except Emile

Poetry and imagery





Elements of a poem that invoke any of the five senses to create a set of mental images. Specifically, using vivid or figurative language to represent ideas, objects, or actions. Poems that use rich imagery include T.S. Eliot’s “Preludes,” Percy Bysshe Shelley’s “Ode to the West Wind,” Sylvia Plath’s “Daddy,” and Mary Oliver’s “At Black River.”