And that was the end of the world tonight.

Hello,Mrs Blogge.What can I do for you this nice morning?
Oh,I’ve got a nasty  odd pain in my conundrum,doctor.
Are you being careful in  your speech?
I’m always careful.
No,I mean, are you using a euphemism?
No,I am on the pill.Is a euphemism better for preventing babies?
Look here, tell me what is really wrong with you?
It’s  a complete conundrum to me and my family
Well,it will be so for me as well  unless you tell me where and what it is.
It’s a pain in my testicle.
But you are a lady.
That’s what people think.
Well,surely somebody would have seen before now.
It’s only just dropped.
That’s  very odd.
Yes,it is as usually testicles come in pairs.
I don’t know what to say.
Well,it’s  just a conundrum.
Maybe I should examine you.
I am in a hurry and you need a chaperone.
No,I can use gloves.
What,put a glove on my testicle!
Well,let’s just wait and see whether it progresses.Come back if you feel worried about it.
Is it wrong to be a hermaphrodite?
What a stupid question.How can it be wrong when you can’t control it.You didn’t make the testicle grow.
Yes ,being a hermaphrodite does give one stronger sexual desires as like with a worm there’s more possibilities.
I really don’t fancy sex with a worm myself
But if you loved it the worm then you might cuddle it
They have no faces so they all look the same.
They used to say all black people looked the same to the whites even though they have eyes and faces and expressions.
Do we need faces to love
We need them to kiss.
And what is life without a kiss?
Ask a worm.They seem to have a good life with no wars and worries.
No,they can’t use guns,can they?
Well,not to shoot with.
So the answer is to get rid of people and just have worms. and beetles.
The way the world is going this may happen quite soon.
It’s a terrible conundrum..
Well,I am very euphemistic.
Do you mean optimistic?
And that was the end of the world tonight.

I solved the key problem

IMG_0018.jpgThe problem was that my bus pass kept falling out of the key case.Luckily it usually happened on the doorstep/The postman finds it and puts it through the letterbox.
But after much thought I reexamined the key case and found there is another pocket with a zip on it.So if I use that I hope it will be safer.I think some of is don#t remember to fasten these zips.
I think in my case the bus driver would let me on anyway as  they see I am hobbling along

It must be self help day


God helps those who help themselves

Drop the “just:” “I’m just wondering …” “I just think …” “I just want to add …” “Just” demeans what you have to say. “Just” shrinks your power. It’s time to say goodbye to the justs.

. While you are at it, drop the “actually.” “I actually have a question.” ” I actually want to add something.” “Actually” communicates a sense of surprise that you have something to say. Of course you want to add something. Of course you have questions. There’s nothing surprising about it.

Finding misplaced keys and other small items.

duck drawing 001

My ideas

Never lock your doors so you won’t need keys
Buy an old car without electronics.Do not lock the door.Nobody wants it
Never wear lipstick ,nail varnish, or eye cream
Carry a toothbrush in your bag.
Never use expensive pens.Buy a bag of cheap ones.
When menstruating ,use large leaves from the nearest tree.
Keep one  drawer for s much loved cards,letters and ? bills
Buy a  very large red phone and keep it charged with a portable battery when out  all day
But 24 combs   on offer and keep them in the drawer with the screwdrivers.
Where  to put your oyster card?? I am thinking

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