https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief
Let’s go back to anticipatory grief. Unhealthy anticipatory grief is really anxiety, and that’s the feeling you’re talking about. Our mind begins to show us images. My parents getting sick. We see the worst scenarios. That’s our minds being protective. Our goal is not to ignore those images or to try to make them go away — your mind won’t let you do that and it can be painful to try and force it. The goal is to find
https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2001-apr-04-me-46632-story.html
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Poems rhyme some of the time; oftentimes they don’t. But what distinguishes a poem from other herds of words is how a poem combines rhythm and precision to make meaning and move us: capturing a moment of beauty, sharing an insight, or even just twisting and turning words to make us laugh. Explore the magic and music of poetry and discover how to write poems of your own through these direct links on The Times Launch Point Web site: https://www.latimes.com/launchpoint
Here are the best
When red sun drops and cooling night rolls in
Darkness masks both danger and our vision
Ancient minds fear day won’€™t come again
Courage for the delicate seems thin
We wrestle with our indecision
When sun drops and the night rolls in
But now , new stricken by a dread of sin
Who shall aid the souls derision?
Our ancient minds fears day won€’t come again
When we sleep we’re entertained within
Deft dreams squander all illusion
When the sun drops and the night rolls in
In reverie we’re loved and so open
Then fancy turns to full communion
While ancient minds fear day won’t come again
And so it was that our own life began
When sperm leaped up in proud confusion.
When deep sun dropped and a new night rolled in
When ancient hearts cried —Day shall come again”
These are the longest relationships we have. Given the typical lifespan, we co-exist with siblings longer than with our parents, partners, children, and, usually, our friends. As we age, the reasons for needing to get along with siblings often shift. When young, we need to get along with siblings because we live in close quarters sharing bathrooms, bedrooms, and living space. In early adulthood, we may create new families by marrying or partnering, having children, and establishing careers. Siblings may recede in importance during that phase. But, as our parent’s age, caregiving decisions, often regarding life and death, need to be made. We need to collaborate with our siblings to negotiate around our parents’ needs. There is another reason we need to get along with our siblings in adulthood—
https://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/09/books/review/joyce-carol-oates-by-the-book.html
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What book had the greatest impact on you? What book made you want to write?
Lewis Carroll’s “Alice in Wonderland” and “Through the Looking-Glass,” which my grandmother gave me when I was 9 years old and very impressionable. These were surely the books that inspired me to write, and Alice is the protagonist with whom I’ve most identified over the years. Her motto is, like my own, “Curiouser and curiouser!”
If you could require the president to read one book, what would it be?
Our great American tragic-epic, Melville’s “Moby-Dick.” This truly contains multitudes of meanings: the Pequod is the ship of state, the radiantly mad Captain Ahab a dangerous “leader,” the ethnically diverse crew our American citizenry. And to balance this all-male adventure, “The Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson.”
What are your reading habits? Paper or electronic? Do you take notes?
Obviously I prefer “paper” books — they are aesthetic objects, usually quite distinct from one another with striking covers and page designs, while electronic books are more or less interchangeable, their
https://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/27/weekinreview/27grief.html
Meghan O’Rourke: You know, writing has always been the way I make sense of the world. It’s a kind of stay against dread, and chaos. My mother was diagnosed with advanced colorectal cancer in 2006; she was 53, and I was 30. As her disease progressed, I found myself writing down all the experiences we had — the day she got giddily high on morphine at the doctor’s office; the afternoon we talked, painfully, about her upcoming death. It helped me externalize what was happening. After she died, I kept writing — and reading — trying to understand or just get a handle on grief, which was different from what I thought it’d be. It wasn’t merely sadness; I was full of nostalgia for my childhood, obsessed with my dream life and had a hard time sleeping or focusing on anything but my memories. Il
Adults who lost siblings as kids also recall feeling as if their own emotions don’t matter, what the family therapist Pauline Boss calls “ambiguous loss,” or loss without closure. Others have labeled it “hidden grief
“One of the common messages for adolescents whose siblings have died is they have to camouflage their feelings,” said David Balk, a professor at Brooklyn College who has done extensive research
Shedding tears there’s nothing much to say
Everybody dies in their own way
While we’re healthy we can bawl and shout
Serious illness makes us feel afraid
Conscious of the messes we have made
Remember birthdays and the bag of cards
When they’ve died it feels so cruel so hard.
We like to think we’ve got a chance for Grace
We cant know the time of death or place
Our house is for sale it looks so small.
The vestibule has gone there is a hall
I can’t believe the other people dwell
In a place that we lived in so well
We had no inside toilet we felt cold
Menstruation bleeding we were bold
So we look at photographs with care
But still we see no toilet anywhere
The one outside has disappeared from view
Whatever do these people have to do?
Excretion is a nuisance for us all
But go on sweetheart let your sad tears fall
For rears are clean and will not do as harm
Uric acid rarely has much charm
In the end as untamed as a child
Aged people scream Oh monsters wild
A selfish as a newborn in distress
They want another mother they confess
The one who has the loudest voice survives
In the end we all will lose our lives
Quieter patients suffer through this noise
They may be too weak to raise their voice
Waiting now to surf the final waves.
Who will be the fastest to the grave?
We lose our health we lose our lovers friends
Death comes slow but faster at the end
Now we can’t afford to use the lights
We feebly rage against the coming night.
Once our life expanded as we grew
Every year was filled with actions new.
Marriage job promotion travel fun
We never thought that one day we’d be done.
Who can fight against the dying light?
Once so strong and fierce your heart gave up
Oh my love I miss you in the night..
Filled with sorrow, we must drain the cup.
Aging is like dying everyday
Slowly slowly each life ebbs away
Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.
C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain
Suffering and pain
We used to think we were doing God a favour by going to church on Sunday.
As if God were an elderly relative that we felt we had to see but we didn’t enjoy it much
Do you think God gets depressed because we don’t go to church?
That is so funny
Do you think God wants us to build all those cathedrals but never stop having wars?
Did God not mind when the poor were hurt more and more?
99% of the time we are thinking about it ourselves or our family and we don’t really think about other people. Even therapists after spending years trying to break out of complete egocentricity found it was all a mistake.
But in the the right circumstances and in the right attitudes of the heart a crack might openb the shell that protects us from others and their demands and the light might shine In give us a glimpse of eternity which is always here: it is outside time.
The rituals on Sunday morning might give someone a chance to find his crack. But is that was so it will be that person who benefited not God
Even if there is no god, that little crack sharing the way eternity is still there.
Because the real god is far away hiding from the monstrous wars and cruelty of the modern world
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/denial-in-psychology.htm
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Denial in Psychology- Are You Using This Defence Mechanism?Last reviewed by Sheri JacobsonJuly 12, 2018Anxiety & stress, Counselling By: Alastair Gilfillan Denial in psychology originates from psychoanalytic theory and its ideas about ‘defence mechanisms‘. What are defence mechanisms? Defence mechanisms are unconscious forms of self-deception we use to avoid anxiety and emotional pain, or to ensure we are ‘acceptable’ to others. Denial is a very popular defence mechanism. It is when we act as if an event, a thought, or an emotion never happened. We do this even if there is obvious evidence that it did, and often protest the opposite. An example is when we cry all the time but then tell everyone we aren’t sad. Or when we are sick every morning from drinking the night before but say we are not an alcoholic. Denial is connected to other defence mechanisms. These include repression (banning stressful things from our memories) and projection (refusing responsibility for thoughts, feelings and actions by attributing then to someone else). [Is your habit of denial making your life a mess? Really wish someone could help? Visit our sister site harleytherapy.com to book phone and Skype counselling easily and quickly, worldwide.] So if someone I know won’t see the truth, they are in denial? It would be easy here to say denial is about denying ‘the truth’. But ‘truth’ is actually a perspective. If two people, for example, at the same meal, one might say it was amazing, the other that it was terrible. So denial is more about avoiding facts and outcomes. It would be denying that the meal was caloric and might lead to weight gain, or claiming, even against strict doctors orders against its ingredients, that ‘it can’t hurt’. But aren’t we all in denial? By: Duncan Hull 🐝 As a Western society we practise mass denial. We live our lives as if all is fine when we are taking actions that damage the environment and when other countries are at war. This article, however, focuses on personal denial over societal denial. The different forms of denial in psychology In its purest form of ‘simple denial’ , the process of denial is unconscious. The person using denial really has convinced themselves of the opposite to what the facts say and what everyone else tells them. They have ‘turned a blind eye’, as the saying goes. An example of simple denial would be the partner of an alcoholic who truly
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Oh God Have mercy on this island now.
We don’t know when to curtsey when to bow.
Eternal all the stars will shine at night
I’d rather have my husband and some light.
The requiem mass is beautiful I feel
Apart from these old symbols
What is real?
I don’t like the cemetery or church.
If I drink this whisky I will lurch.
What’s the point of flowers for the dead.
Send us letters they will all be read.
We must look strong are we will offence
It may be true but it don’t make no sense.
If we cry we get no comfort now
We will get no milk from any cow.
This is an interesting article about how acceptance is so important for us in order to live the best way we can. when we have problems,neuroses,illnesses etc.This website,The Negative Psychologist is one I came upon when reading a blog on WordPress.
http://www.thenegativepsychologist.com/2013/02/acceptance/
Aa I want someone to hold me me hold me tight
I want someone to hold me in the long hours of the night
The shelter of your presence the shelter of your arms
Hold me hold me darling give me peace and calm
I feel like I’m a baby thrown cruely from my nest
Or I’m a little suckling torn cruelly from the breast
Don’t leave me here without you for I don’t want to stay.
My legs have turned to jelly my heart beats in dismay.
The first loss is the mother and her sheltering gaze
We must turn and walk alone though our hearts are flayed
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/14/well/family/empty-nest-pandemic.html
All joking aside, Ms. Woodard said that working-class parents may feel a child’s absence even more acutely. “Their house or apartment is smaller, so the kid’s presence is missed more,” she said. “Also, working-class parents probably raised that kid on their own.”
Regardless of the factors when a household is decanted of its young people, it’s clear that kids who leave their home need a lot of room to grow in, and that parents need to hone their listening skills.
Once, when Ms. Coburn asked a Washington
My sister oh my sister do not die
I feel that I still need you in my world
And Rivington we saw the larks upfly
Anglezarke the reservoir still swirled
Fresh water for old Liverpool’s
supply
I cannot go to Rivington alone
Nor Scotchmans Stump to see birds little bones
Once we lit a fire by a stream.
I’d like to go there now my love my queen.
Sturdy and determined she would climb.
Take the bus to Horwich it’s nearby
We saw ripe elderberries full and fine
In the distance Winter Hill stood high
The highest hill about so high austere
I won’t take you there sweet Eileen dear
How my heart sings 