Now that the body of Queen Elizabeth II is being driven from Balmoral to London keep reminding off Queen Eleanor
The greatly loved wife of King Edward the First and the mother of the first Prince of Wales.
Queen Eleanor died near Lincoln on a journey to the north to meet her husband King Edward. Her body was brought to London this was in 1290 a d so it took a long time and in each place where the Queen’s body was kept overnight a cross was erected and there is one outside London in Waltham Cross sometimes referred to as the Eleanor cross and the last one is at Charing Cross in the middle of central London.
Saying Queen Elizabeth coffin being carried away from Balmoral reminded me of this but I don’t think her journey will take as long as that of Queen Eleanor.
Crosses must have been erected by King Edward the First 7 time after his wife had died but there’s no mention of anything like that occurring now.
It’s not so great if you are one of the 40 percent to 50 percent of babies who, a meta-analysis of research indicates, are insecurely attached because their early experiences were suboptimal (their caregivers were distracted, overbearing, dismissive, unreliable, absent or perhaps threatening). “Then you have to earn your security,” Dr. Steele said, by later forming secure attachments that help you override your flawed internal working model.
Given that the divorce rate is also 40 percent to 50 percent, it would seem that this is not an easy task. Indeed, researchers said, people who have insecure attachment models tend to be drawn to those who fit their expectations, even if they are treated badly. They may subconsciously act in ways that elicit insensitive, unreliable or abusive behavior, whatever is most familiar. Or they may flee secure attachments because they feel unfamiliar.
“Our attachment system preferentially sees things according to what has happened in the past,” said Dr. Amir Levine, a psychiatrist at Columbia University and the co-author of the book “Attached,” which explores how attachment behaviors affect the neurochemistry of the brain. “It’s kind of like searching in Google where it fills in based on what you searched before.”
But again, history is not necessarily destiny. Intervention programs at the New School and the University of Delaware are having marked success helping at-risk groups like teenage mothers change their attachment behaviors (often passed down through generations) and establish more secure relationships. Another attachment-based intervention strategy called Circle of Security, which has 19,000 trained facilitators in 20 countries, has also proved effective.
What these protocols have in common is promoting participants’ awareness of their attachment style, and their related sabotaging behaviors, as well as training on how to balance vulnerability and autonomy in relationships.
One reason attachment theory has “gained so much traction lately is its ideas and observations are so resonant with our daily lives,” said Kenneth Levy, an associate professor of psychology at Pennsylvania State University who researches attachment-oriented psychotherapy.
Indeed, if you look at the classic categories of attachment styles — secure; insecure anxious; insecure avoidant; and insecure disorganized — it’s pretty easy to figure out which one applies to you and others in your life. The categories stem from tens of thousands of observations of babies and toddlers whose caregivers leave them briefly, either alone or with a stranger, and then return, a test known as the “strange situation.” The labels can also apply to how adults behave toward loved ones in times of stress.
Secure children get upset when their caregivers leave, and run toward them with outstretched arms when they return. They fold into the caregiver and are quickly soothed. A securely attached adult similarly goes to a loved one for comfort and support when they, say, are passed over for a promotion at work or feel vulnerable or hurt. They are also eager to reciprocate when the tables are turned.
Children high on the insecure anxious end of the spectrum get upset when caregivers leave and may go to them when they return. But these children aren’t easily soothed, usually because the caregiver has proved to be an unreliable source of comfort in the past. They may kick and arch their back as if they are angry. As adults, they tend to obsess about their relationships and may be overly dramatic in order to get attention. They may hound romantic interests instead of taking it slow.
Insecure avoidant children don’t register distress when their caregivers leave (although their stress hormones and heart rate may be sky high) and they don’t show much interest when caregivers return, because they are used to being ignored or rebuffed. Alternatively, a parent may have smothered them with too much attention. Insecure avoidant adults tend to have trouble with intimacy and are more likely to leave relationships, particularly if they are going well. They may not return calls and resist talking about their feelings.
Finally, insecure disorganized children and adults display both anxious and avoidant behaviors in an illogical and erratic manner. This behavior is usually the lingering result of situations where a childhood caregiver was threatening or abusive.
Tools to determine your dominant attachment style include the Adult Attachment Interview, which is meant to be administered by a clinician, or self-report questionnaires like the Attachment Styles and Close Relationships Survey. But critics said their accuracy depends on the skill and training of the interviewer in the case of the former and the self-awareness of the test taker in the latter, which perhaps explains why you can take both tests and end up in different categories.
“It can also be possible that people should be viewed as along a continuum in all categories,” said Glenn I. Roisman, the director of the Relationships Research Lab at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis.
It’s worth noting that just as people in the insecure categories can become more secure when they form close relationships with secure people, secure people can become less so if paired with people who are insecure. “You need social context to sustain your sense of security,” said Peter Fonagy, a professor of psychoanalysis at University College London.
He added that having secure attachments is not about being a perfect parent or partner but about maintaining communication to repair the inevitable rifts that occur. In the daily battering of any relationship, Dr. Fonagy said, “if free flow of communication is impaired, the relationship is, too.”
Kate Murphy is a journalist in Houston who writes frequently for The New York Times.
Don’t say you bait me already Let me be your end I want to blow Rome Yes,I am very prized Is that flea yours? I think we should get a bed What colour is your behind? I hope she likes my revolver She’s a rhinocerus at the hospital with a camera The doctor promised to visit your grave. I’ll take your ashes to the Surgery on Ash Wednesday although he is a Hindu Don’t say you are off colour altogether I say,you look really vague today Don’t ask me for six every night But I’m so hot I need an ice tube Don’t keep hawking about texts
Complicated or prolonged grief can assail anyone, but it is a particular problem for older adults, because they suffer so many losses — spouses, parents, siblings, friends. “It comes with bereavement,” said Dr. Katherine Shear, the psychiatrist who led the Columbia University study. “And the prevalence of important losses is so much greater in people over 65.”
When he went away He said,”Lehitraot,mama.” Do vstrechi. He died, but I’m still here Yes,in my heart I feel his love. But why did I live, And he did not? Auf wiedersehen Lehitraot. Yes,darling,I’ll see you later ,When the sky turns black and all the stars blaze bright I’ll see you shining in the night. I’ll see you in my dreams alas. Do vstrechi. But why you and not me too? Araka I can’t understand .Lehitraot,beloved. A plus tard Some where in this world,you fell But no-one,not even God, can tell. God was absent then or in some other place He’s gone again .They said He’s died too ,But He didn’t have a mother like you. Do vstrechi. My breasts ache and my heart and soul, My breasts were made to make you whole. To feed, give love and to console. A plus tard And now they ache with grief as my tears fall .A bientot My body trembles in the night As dreams may bring my lost ones to my sight. A plus I’d walk across the roughest bleak terrain If l I could find my loves and hold your hands again. Do vstrechi .The bell rings on the ancient clock As time goes on as normal, never stops. Araka I wish the hands of time could be reversed, And I was not living with this curse. People forget that I once had a son. They think my grieving has been done. Araka.But grief and loss and pain will never end Until the curtain of my death descends Auf wiedersehen. Meantime I look at flowers and birds and trees ,But it’s really you my deepening insight sees. Lehitraot. The inscape of my heart is shown to few. An artist of the lost would know this view. I know I want to see just you. Do vstrechi. But for me there is noAuf wiedersehen Never again will you say What you said that day Lehitraot,Mama.Papa A plus tard Tot ziens. See you later See you ,darling See you soon
I am not an expert on budgeting but I’m writing this to see what ideas I could come up with when I have to be very careful as someone living on it a pension I have found when costs are rising rapidly for food and gas and electricity not to mention shoes and clothes m
It’s a good idea to remember that if you buy a lot of cheap things this will add up to to a large sum of money.
Telling yourself you don’t need to be anxious about buying things that cost less than £10,if you spent £10 every day on something you don’t need that will come to £300 in a month.
That yimoney might pay for your energy bill
I don’t want to be a killjoy especially as an older person no longer working outside of the home. But if you go out for coffee every day that could cost you £20 a week or £80 a month.
The key issue is that we need to maintain our social life we need to meet people and very often certainly for women that means meeting a friend in a coffee shop. So in my view if you could afford it then you should let yourself spend money on going out for coffee. If used to meet friends in a restaurant frequently then you will have to do some thinking.
Could you meet them for coffee instead?
Could you meet them in some country park and combined exercise with catching up?
Everybody needs one pair of good quality shoes which are waterproof
We need to keep warm and dry in the winter and if your feet are cold you I will not be happy.
Here I feel very sad about people who can’t afford even one pair of decent shoes but you can shop in outlets you can shop in places like TK maxx you can look at the websites of people who make and sell trainers. Often they have special offers that you can obtain by buying directly from them
It’s worth getting wool socks in the winter and you can shop around for those but we’ll feel so much better than with man-made fibres or cotton on the feet in winter
And when you are buying your clothing or even your socks you can get brighter colours and patterns which will cheer you and other people up. And it won’t be any more expensive than buying dull colours
Other people look at us and it’s lovely to see people wearing gorgeous colours not just grey or beige as many older people do
You may want to go to a class during the winter such as creative writing or art
Try not to to be anxious about spending money on this it is very very important to go out and to meet other people and even if you’re not very good at what you’ve chosen it’s still benefits you to do it. So do not eliminate such things from your life if if that’s at all possible
It’s more important to go to an art class than to buy a pair of shoes that you don’t need
If you look in your local newspaper or online you will also find that there are events taking place near you you are not very expensive like concerts by local choirs, plays in your local theatre
Use your money for things like this if you can. There is so much emphasis in the media on appearance but don’t spend all your money on on makeup and clothing etc
I can see nowthat unless you are well off you have to choose between different parts of life because you have to decide where it is a good idea to spend money and where it is not. Unless you are a member of the royal family or a film star your appearance does not matter it’s your expression it’s your face it’s whether you smile whether you have a sense of humour when are you are grateful for what you have and contented with your life, that is what will attract friends to you. Someone who looks like a model might not be as happy as you think when actually people might be intimidated by them.
Don’t be afraid of going to a class and being the worst person there in terms of your ability in that subject. Think about it, nobody’s terribly confident and if you go and what your drawing is not a very good it will comfort other nervous people