I’ll keep you in mind

If you go out of your mind where do you go to?

Is there a right mind0?

Aand if you are not in your right mind is there more than one wrong mind?aa

To the mindless the body is a joy until they walk having front of the traffic and get run over.

I had the fastest mind in the university or should speed only apply to the brain?

The heart can break when we are distressed what does it do when we are happy?

What does be mindful mean?a

Where’s the electricity going to come from?

Mirror mirror on the wall

Boris Johnson had a fall

Soon he’ll be a millionaire.

Life in Britain is unfair.

We can’t afford to see at night

The nuclear bomb will give us light

Mr Putin’s very kind

I only wish he had a mind

What he reflects on needs deep thought

Or he won’t know just what he’s caught

The deep sea diver find a wreck

Get inspectors out to check

If we have a lot of strikes

We can’t visit their websites

We can’t use our laptops fine

Somebody has to draw the line

Only as a last resort

Get the leaders out to talk.

No that Gorbachev f has died

Sense and reason are defied

The hanky

May I borrow your hanky ?


I want to blow my nose..

Try hitting it instead

Can’t I blow my own trumpet?

I don’t know I  02never seen you before I don’t even know if you have got a trumpet.

It’s a figure of speech.

Oh I thought it was a wind instrument.

They are not mutually exclusive you knowA

Mutually exclusive. That sounds like love or friendship

But surely you can love a friend. and you could befriend your lover.

It depends on what you mean by love

Yes I understand perfectly

No I’m not.

I would rather be normal

Have you been asked buy a stranger if they can borrow one of your possessions like spectacles?

Could I borrow your Tampax

I’ve only got the one inside of me

That’s alright as long as it’s not full.

I can’t see it.

Oh dear I didn’t realise you were blind.

It’s raining very hard can I borrow your Mac?

What’s rain got to do this computers?l

Have you got Windows 11?

Qq I misheard you I thought you said Widows 11.

You know perfectly well I don’t play football

May I borrow your hearing aid ?


Sorry I thought you were my father. May I borrow your spectacles


So I can see who you are

May I borrow your spectacles?

A few years ago I was in Argos

I was looking at one of the catalogues when a woman who was also looking at the catalogues nearby came over to me me.and said

Let me borrow your glasses.

I had just got some new ones and they were expensive

So I said why do you want them?

She said I want them to read this catalogue

I said there are varifocal lenses and not reading glasses. And in any case the scripture would not be right for you

She got quite angry And was saying give them to me give them to me

I decided to leave.

When I told one of my friends they said, she was probably going to steal them.

May I borrow your mind?

You’ve got to know your own first

Do you want to keep this television?

Just until it goes off.

Shall I put it in the fridge?

You should get your eyes tested

Shall I get them vaccination? a

Have you got a sleeping tablet?

No I always turn them off

The sort of person who

He is the sort of person who

Helps blind people across the road even if they don’t want to. go

Who always crosses the road on a zebra crossing even if he has to paint it himself first.

Goes to confession every year even if she has not committed a sin

Never gets angry even if I phone her at 3 am I’ve got a cold

Always takes the neighbours dogs for a walk even if they have none

Always feeds the neighbours cats even when they would prefer mice.

Always asks his dates if they would like to go to bed with him just in case they are too shy to mention it

Sleeps in the dog’s kennel if the dog wants to sleep on her bed

Has had cat flaps put in the front door and the back door so the cat doesn’t have to walk round the side of the house