Polishing Tools for Your Fuse Box of Emotions – The New York Times


Photo by Katherine copyright

Sang-froid has its place, especially during a crisis; but so does Sigmund Freud, who described the potential downside of suppressed passions. Those exhortations being directed at the president could be just as easily be turned on countless co-workers, spouses, friends (or oneself):

Lose it. Just once. See what happens.

“One reason we’re so attuned to others’ emotions is that, when it’s a real emotion, it tells us something important about what matters to that person,” said James J. Gross, a psychologist at Stanford University. When it’s suppressed or toned down, he added, “people think, damn it, you’re not like us, you don’t care about the same things we do.”

Rigorous study of what psychologists call emotion regulation is fairly new, and for obvious reasons has focused far more on untamed passions than on the domesticated variety. Runaway emotion defines many mental disorders, after all; restraint is typically associated with good mental health, from childhood through later life.

Yet social functioning is a different matter. Research in the past few years has found that people develop a variety of psychological tools to manage what they express in social situations, and those techniques often become subconscious, affecting interactions in unintended ways. The better that people understand their own patterns, the more likely they are to see why some emotionally charged interactions go awry — whether from too little control or, in the president’s case, perhaps too much.

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He kissed my hand

Posted on July 16, 2019 <<<

An old man kissed my hand outside a shop
My hair was gleaming in the yellow sun
Surprising action but a pleasant shock

What grace there was in customs , mainly stopped
My face was bright, my stockings had no runs
A man just kissed my hand outside a shop

I should have done a selfie, what a cop!
I bet he fell in love ,ah Beatrice won
His surprising action gave me quite a shock

He was not drunk, his hands had just been mopped
I have not been so touched by anyone
Till this man kissed my hand outside a shop

In a silent morning, love erupts
We know what’s passed but not what is to come
A man just kissed my hand outside a shop 1

Give us our applause, oh come on,clap!
I think we’ve fallen off the usual map
An old man kissed my hand outside a shop
A pleasant greeting but it was a shock

Interview with Mary Hobson: English writer and translator who decided to learn Russian at the age of 56, graduated in her sixties and completed a PhD at the age of 74. : r/europe

‘Grey rocking’ – how to bore a toxic narcissist out of your life


Psychologists have suggested imagining yourself as an impenetrable grey rock when confronted with overbearing and manipulative people. The trick is to appear as uninterested, and uninteresting, as humanly possible


Published:13:34 Wed 31 August 2022

Name: Grey rocking.

Age: Relatively new.

Appearance: As unbelievably dull and unresponsive as a rock.

OK. OK? That’s it? You don’t want me to tell you what grey rocking actually is?

Sure. That’s better. It’s a new and apparently very effective way to force toxic narcissists out of your life for good.