Month: May 2020

I wonder why he married you?

 

 

Why do we have roast beef on Sundays?
So mother can clean the oven while we go for a walk in the park?

I say, what thick lips you have!
Is that a compliment or an insult?
Gosh,clever too

For Xmas he gave me lavender wax polish and a new duster
I gave him an insult

For my birthday he gave me  silk scarf.He’s never noticed I don’t  wear scarves, bracelets and dangly earrings.
I wonder why he married you?
So does he.

I got so angry,I said I suggest you marry a man next time.Someone as obnoxious as you.
He said, it’s a sin
Well, think how I feel.

He loved dripping.He bought a new car just to drive around Essex seeing if the butchers sold beef or bacon dripping
Then what?
He died of blocked arteries.They were worse than the North Circular  before the M25
What about the car?
Is that all you can think of when I have lost my husband?
Well, you should have eaten all the dripping yourself
What!Murderess.You wish I’d died first?
It might have stopped a lot of arguments
Shooting every one in Britain would have stopped brexit
Except  for  the gunmen
The EU would not want them.
What’s logic got to do with it?

Feel the  loving sun  and kiss the bees

I wish that I could be inside a tree
To put my entire body in its form
To feel the sun and wind and hear the bees

I’d like my hands to dance as   flexibly
As birds move  through  the air, as rises dawn
I wish that I could feel myself a tree

I’d love my  garden sweetly, ardently.
I’d love each single  daisy on the lawn
I’d feel the sun and wind and hear the bees

But would a holly want to  be just me?
Oh, poor tree that walks about  forlorn
I wish that I could turn into a tree.

Perhaps a cat that sat upon my knee
Would mioaw inside my  home by   dust deformed
She would love the sun and wind and hear the bees

When I change,I’ll keep you all informed
You may hear me singing in  the Storms
I wish that I could dwell within a tree
Feel the  loving sun  and kiss the bees

 

A near miss

img_20191122_203051I said there’s no access,not,you’ve got sepsis
I said.we’re having chicken today not where  the dickens is May
I said, why not go to bed, not, try not to wed
I said turn off the taps, not take a nap
I said,good night darling ,not god, that’s appalling
I said, give me a  kiss not, what a near miss
I asked if you were  here, not can you steer
Well, that was an error,I was full of terror

 

How I stand on air

I am fortunate
If I find  any two gloves
One left and one right

The other problem
My hands are misshapen too
Ladies’ gloves might not fit me.

I can be a man
If I decide I want to be
There! I wear your gloves now.

But I prefer scarves
Made for women, with flowers
Embroidery,silk,cashmere.

My taste is quite good
I know  I like your image
You stand on the bridge in Prague

In Wenceslaus Square
The orchestra played Ma Vlast
The Elektion

Holocaust Museum
Children’s coloured drawings are
Butterflies for God

He died too with them
So we have no  floor to stand on
Everything’s trembling

I forgot I am.
I was lost somewhere other
How do I stand on air?

God once hissed

Ice cream,burgers,pancakes pizza,swell
Deliveroo brings succour, if you ask
What to eat in Lockdown, Jezabel?

What did Adam look like when he fell
No nurse,no Urgent Care, no breathing mask?
Just ice cream,burgers,pancakes  bloody hell

Elijah  climbed a mountain,man impelled
Who cared for him, who fed him at great risk?
What to eat in Lockdown, Jezabel?

The angry Queen  pursued him,wished to kill
In high Caves he loitered, that’s the gist
No ice cream,burgers,pancakes, who  fried hell?

He heard a little whisper on  this Hill
What do you here,Elijah, God had hissed
What to say in breakdown,  who can tell?

Snaking   round the hilltop feeling pissed
From the peak we see what we have missed
Ice cream,burgers,pancakes, snails with shells
Where to  sleep ,whose arms will be my cell?

Choose your own

Corned beef and banana  balls with tamed rice
Roast egg yolks in batter with pure peas
Burnt bacon and  boiled beans on mashed potatoes
Lamb’s tongues on  the Oxford English Dictionary [page 45]
Pike and tinned carrots in gravy
Half a dictionary roasted  on olives and macaroni
The other half  made into a  collage with my thesis  and brandy butter
Father Xmas  on Ice with Creamed Minced Pi and Temple

For love  seeks not to prey

Soft corns,blisters,hard corns and toe nails
Ankle socks and stockings, tights and  boots
Cover up the wounds with dressings white
Put  your feet up, rest  by  doing nought

Skin so thin it frightens me  to think
All I am  finds boundary just here
Yet our heart and soul can  contain  more
Spreading like a shawl on loved ones dear

We cast our love like fishers cast their  rods
Not too sure  of what will take the bait
A   simile  so poor I blush bright pink
For love  seeks not to prey but rather waits

Across the entire world the hate runs wild
 Bleach your brain , don’t poison  with  your smile

Choose the form 

On Saturday I read the book reviews
The day feels calm and still, we  get up late
I sometimes catch my breath and hear the News
War past War, past War, but not past Hate

I read how civilised is modern man
See the architects’ designs illuminate
See Cathedrals.Synagogues, new plans
Mosques and little Chapels consecrate

Yet offending other Peoples is innate
Like children stealing toys and throwing stones
Through what maze do adults reach that state
Where order,frames and boundaries are known?

Free verse, sonnets,nonsense villanelles
Choose the form  and then  begin to tell

 

 

Down beneath the  silence of the sky

Startled by the lilac of the sky
More blue dilutes the pink I saw before
Dark branches stand like fingers pointing high

The little bay tree potted is too dry
I gave it drops of tea but it needs more
Entranced by  softest lilac ,oh, the sky

I see two trees have grown like Russian spies
They got stuck in and blossomed then I saw
Dark branches,unboned fingers pointing high

Elderberry,cherry, seeds  have strayed
Don’t tell us that  green Nature may have flaws
Enhanced by  lilac , darkening, goodbye

Soon will come the ending and the prayer
The drama is all done, if any care.
Dark branches ,boneless fingers, pointing high

We may live, but God it is that stares
Like the Langdale Pikes watch Windermere
Down beneath the  silence of the sky
Dark branches stand like judges  from on high

 

 

 

 

I seen the light

He hit me with a flying pan
No, he bit me  with a  jar of jam
No can

Do you have a sinner every night?
Not on Sundays

Where is the olive oil?
No, never boil
In coils

We liked apple pie  hot
Sorry, it leaves me cold
I say, stop!

My sister  is like a  triplet
We  miss the other one
Never met

Who reads books these  days?
The editors?
Google say?

Ted Hughes was gay?
So his sister says
Trying to illicitly advertise for  the dead now!

 

 

The way

I pretend my right arm belongs to someone else
Then I stroke my left arm gently
I know it’s not you
But I like it anyway

I saw the black cat slink away
I didn’t know he has been near me
Now he has gone
For today

In the night I heard a siren
Was it inside me or outside
I seemed to have no boundaries
What do you say?

At the hospital, they seemed angry
How long have my feet been deformed?
Since I was in the womb
Before that, I don’t know.

Why do I have to be normal?
Feet weren’t made for shoes
I might go to a blacksmith
Tell me the way

 

I gave up history for cretins

 

Paeonia-suffruticosaI wanted mustard not custard on the pork
I said  please write to Fred,not  he is dead
I said double cream,not devils scream
I said he wants butter not he’s a nutter
I said IOU, not loving is taboo
Her new dress is pure milk
Her collages are a fright to withold
Can I handwash my brows?
A new tooth brush is a goodbye
What’s the latest on Horace?
We studied Freaks and Nomads at school
I gave up history  for cretins
He missed out on statins
Transmigration is  hard to get  the rites for
Five million  contortions a year
He  died in the  glue athletics
It’s all academic
I failed Geography  for Dummies
All my food was poached on her
Am I a spy? Don’t tell a lie!

Be God in colour

 

ColourSpectrum

 

Who saw the bricks fall?
 Who awed clicked and bawled?
No more to gnaw

You are a complete idiot
You stare at my widgets
Broke budget

You showed me an atlas
Esau see,Sodom was
Because, because

I love reading the bible
I was here for her arrival
Got stifled

You are the best wife I’ve had
Swear an oath then be God
Not in that  flood

I love you more than the cat
I have just floored my flat
Hypocrite

Of course I love you,dear
Uproar  above your fear
Can you steer?

I have no  hard suit case
Lust muted ,bar taste
Can’t be embraced

He was once  was my lover
Was too much bother
Got another

Boris Johnson is known
Morris dancing on a phone
He might  well groan

I loved cellos and men
Hello, yes I can
Spam

 

Polyester fuss

He managed to end the war
With white phosphorus

Rehabilitation
Be a guest for us

The girl was too far out
Infamous

The shells disintegrate
Inside of us

There’s no food
For nine of us

What’s wrong?
A surprise,I guess

No gifts to send
Will the men be home
For next Christmas’s?

My hair floated so far out

While we were walking  by the Oxford Canal
He told me it is illegal
To look through a woman’s bedroom window

I tried to jump off the bus
His restraining hand
Made me fall

I was too shy to say
I wanted a pee
I broke up with him
It was  the juice
Of criminal desire

He said he had a car
But I
Had claustrophobia
Otherwise I’d not be here 

My hair floated so far out
I fished up
You

My hip bones stuck out
Like two sharp knives
Like the cliffs at West Bay
I was very light
Even had a flame

I did not know I was desirable
Like a semi detached house
But eventually
I got it.
I mean you

 

 

Confusion in love

 

 

 

Forty Hall

I never said your IQ was lower than an imbecile’s.
I said :I like your flowers more than many ideals
But keep them concealed

 

I never said you would have failed the 11 plus
It was: You should have mailed the  abacus
After all you’ve added to us

I did not say,you are a complete nut case
I said ,furthermore you have  a very snall waist
Copy and waste

I never said,I  think you are obese
I cried,I think it’s the police
It’s our  demise

I not say women  are inferior
I said women have an interior’
Queer’re ya?

Not, you are a  pain
I said, you taste’s sublime
Or divine

They miaow in Hebrew,Mary said loftily

Created with Nokia Smart Cam

  • Stan awoke feeling very thirsty.
    My, this bed is much  too hard,he thought.
    He put out his hand and felt some wood not far away.It was his desk.Emile was lying on Stan’s stomach purring.
    You fell out of bed,the little cat miaowed.Luckily I clung on with my claws and I am ok sleeping down here….I can see  mice better.
    Well,it’s not ok with me,Stan informed him gently.
    How can I get up from here?
    He picked up the Cambridge Companion to Sylvia Plath and banged on his desk softly.
    Mary was awake and heard a strange sound.She  found Stan lying on the floor with his head by his desk.
    Emile wanted to sleep by the wall,you see.,he told her.
    Then he rolled over and I fell out.

     

    http://youtu.be/pT9CdnfFET8

    That is logically and scientifically mad,Mary told him.
    Surely Emile is not so big that his weight was enough to knock you out of the bed?
    It is against the law of gravityAnyway,why don’t you get up?
    I like it  down here,the old man lied to her optimistically.
    Rubbish,Mary said,then she picked up the phone and rang 999.
    Hello,she said.My cat is very upset as he feels guilty for pushing my  aged husband out of bed.
    How terrible for you,the man answered.I’ll send an ambulance right away.
    Mary opened the front door and left it unlatched whilst she lit the electric lights with a match.
    How do you feel now  Stan,she enquired tying her  red polyester fleece dressing gown a bit tighter before the paramedics arrival
    I am thirsty,give me some brandy,he ordered her politely as he was  full of kindness
    They said not to let you or Emile drink or eat
    Blooming ridiculous,he told her in a manly fashion.
    Soon the ambulance arrived and the paramedics were running up the stairs to see the poor cat. Mary fainted so they laid her on the bed whilst they comforted Emile and cleaned his paws.Then they picked up Stan and laid him right next to Mary,his wife.
    Why don’t you have a bigger bed,one asked Stan.
    Bigger than what,he responded academically.
    Well,if you were any fatter you’d not be able  to lie next to your wife.
    True,he replied but my wife is too large.I keep hoping she will lose weight.
    I shall make you some tea the female paramedic told them forcefully
    Well,you don’t seem to be hurt,the other one told Stan, but the cat may need therapy or counselling because of the guilt he will feel.
    He’s not  a Catholic ,I hope?
    No, he’s Jewish,Stan shouted  implausibly.
    That’s alright then.How do cats get to be Jewish anyhow?
    It’s their souls,Mary said…they are all waiting up there for a suitable place to be reborn and some choose to be cats.
    But how can you tell? he asked wonderingly.They have no prayer shawls
    They miaow in Hebrew,Mary said loftily.And they like to sing the psalms before bed.
    But how do you  know it’s Hebrew,he replied.Do you speak it?
    No, it’s just he hates bacon and pepperoni and always wears a hat so it seems he must be one of Jesus’s friends,but not Judas of course.I suppose Jesus wore a hat but it’s never been found as yet.Not even being sold as a relic.

    .http://youtu.be/8SCorW9r_Is

    Well,that’s intriguing.Do you think Emile might be the Messiah?
    Oh,dear.We never thought of that.Will he have to go to Galilee and catch fish and walk on water?
    No, he can go to Rome and tell the Pope that the Church is not what God planned.
    I hope they don’t kill him,Mary cried sadly.
    God will not be very happy.
    I didn’t know God had moods,Stan said.
    He has post-creative depressive disorder….no wonder when we look round the world.
    Still they did try,I’ll say that for him or her.
    And so say all of us.
    For he’s a very good yeller,he’s a very good yeller
    A cat’s life is a fuss.Miaow.

Ways of seeing

8340401

Art by Katherine

A Life of One’s Own: A Penetrating 1930s Field Guide to Self-Possession, Mindful Perception, and the Art of Knowing What You Really Want

Excerpt:

oon as I began to study my perception, to look at my own experience, I found that there were different ways of perceiving and that the different ways provided me with different facts. There was a narrow focus which meant seeing life as if from blinkers and with the centre of awareness in my head; and there was a wide focus which meant knowing with the whole of my body, a way of looking which quite altered my perception of whatever I saw. And I found that the narrow focus way was the way of reason. If one was in the habit of arguing about life it was very difficult not to approach sensation with the same concentrated attention and so shut out its width and depth and height. But it was the wide focus way that made me happy.

 

I still see a  shadow of the sun

I  see a little globe, the winter sun
Setting into softness  like pink down
As if a gentle wind makes sunset come

The watercolour  mauve has overrun
Wishing to make light  of winter’s frown
I can see how  winter  hurts the sun

Overhead  it’s soft grey tinged with plum
This is no  fit garment for a clown
But  gentle winter winds made sunset come

A  planetary  blueness makes  this dome
As if a verb is subtly changed to noun
I can see how  night clouds flirt with sun

All the pink is falling,falling ,gone
The sun is left a monarch with no crown
As if a low dark wind made nightfall come

My heart is watered as the colours run
Combining, dying, falling, night has won
I still see a  shadow of the sun
Now   the work  of  wind  is  over, done

He said he  never wanted to be me again.

 

 

Collared-Doves-2020-1Well,you weren’t  so ugly when we got married.
I never said  anything about men’s chests.I was playing  with Chess men
I wonder why  I am so inferior.There’s always one thing I can’t do brilliantly
Yes,I do love you but only in the dark.The Wedding was a terrible shock,seeing you in a dress.
I never criticised you.Why are you so paranoid?
He said he  never wanted to be me again.
He  loves me when I go away; when I come back he is furious,What’s  not going on ?
My mother told me I was not like other people.Which other people?
I wanted to be a doctor once, but dissection was easier in mathematics
His hands ran all over my body like mice  chased by a tiger
He said I was so beautiful he was frightened I might  get married before he was 18.
Why am I so jealous of my twister?
I love her and I miss her.
My aim  is bad but is it immoral?
We can’t all be bottom of the class.
I learned to talk at home with no lessons.Free apart from poor mother’s milk.
I stood up and went to the window.They all shouted: she’s walking
What a pity Dad didn’t stay alive as I liked riding on his shoulder
Where is Dad,Mum?
I hope I’ll see him one day

I didn’t say your eyes looked calculating

I am so sorry I was rude to you.You remind me of Stalin,but it’s not your fault
No offence intended.When I intend it , it is much more severe.
I  regret being unemployed.I do love you but 24 hours is too long.You could get a job
Give me some peace.Emigrate. 
I never said I loved you except when I was high
I know cooking is hard work but I am  an MP
I didn’t say your eyes looked calculating.I said I was calculating how to keep up    spending when I lose my seat
No,I’m Morris Johnson
How should I know how many children I have? Babies can’t talk
Are you Michael Gove? I really  regret meeting you.
What does Gove mean?

In green thoughts I dwell.

Small rain in summer
Pools on large green leaves,
Makes all birds dumber
Silently they weave.
Wrens fly to and fro
Nesting near the house.
They know where to go
With nestlings and spouse.
Simple life of green
Hiding in lush leaves.
A space to be unseen
Humans only grieve.
Where is our safe space?
Where can we live well?
As anguish veils the face
In green thoughts I dwell.

A and E and Kafka

 

 

img_20191122_203051I had to got to hospital today.Getting out of A and E into the street was like   something
from Kafka.”Use other door”  when there is none.Finding an Exit with 2 sets of doors.The first ok the 2nd both locked.And all deserted…. eerie.
Getting into a cab was also hard as the injury is on my foot.Still aftee so many weeks of Lockdown it made a change.I decided not to get a drinks

The pain seems worse now ; the nurse admitted it’s hard to treat foot injuries.But  it t takes my mind off the other pains.Like  rolling in nettles  which Romans used to do

The coke party

 

Photo by Marta Dzedyshko on Pexels.com
Photo by Phenyo Deluxe on Pexels.com
Photo by Barbara Webb on Pexels.com

Godzilla of the White House

 

Excerpt

 

Their excuses for Trump’s actions had the character of Freud’s famous story of the man accused by his neighbour of having returned a borrowed kettle in a damaged condition: I returned the kettle undamaged; it was already damaged when I borrowed it; I never borrowed it in the first place. Indeed, lawmakers who at first acknowledged an improper quid pro quo but insisted that it did not constitute an impeachable offence, quickly backed off from that heresy. Suddenly the story was, “There was no quid pro quo!” – or, rather, “Of course there was a quid pro quo, but it was completely proper, even laudable!” Or simply, “I’m not even going to discuss what the President did because this whole impeachment thing is a partisan travesty”.

 

Eating crotchets

Avocado and rose petal soup £2
Bean and  wasp mousse £4
Baked beans on Jew’s harp plus  omelette £3
Stiff eggs in green jelly [dyed] £25 or nearest offer
French dressing with pure olive oil free
Italian Wine free to all

Free bread and butter,tea and   cake

Plate £56 [ please wash and return]
Cutlery £.50 [non-returnable]

 

Swing the lead

 

 

Pamianthe-peruviana_2020-2Do you dislike being all alone?
Should you take your shoes off at home ?
What is the contention in a bone?
Does your shampoo  produce  excessive foam?

Do you like to kiss your cat  at night?
Have you ever seen a golden light?
Do mosquitos love us when they bite?
What is more important than insight?

Do you read  a book or swing the lead?
Do you like to charm your  friend in bed?
Do you   remember what your Mother said?
Why are wizards mentioned when they’re dead?

The cat was killed by  curiousity
I wish he’d kepy a diary for me

Found food in bed

 

 

photo of clown holding tambourine
Photo by Nishant Aneja on Pexels.com a

Menu

Sausages from trash
 Guttered Eggs 
Road hog on green bread
Mein mutter Eggs 
Scraped weetabix on bed of wooden pegs and lice

Deaths

Over-ripe peaches stuck in throat
Swallowed a button inside a salmon steak.Two for one.
Tried to thread needle while standing on   own head
Fell out of bed onto a sharp wife
Dreamed was being buried so died of shock
Asked for cremation owing to drug habits.Died when in urn or before

Save money.Be buried alive…. join now.

Thin black man

Yiou touched my heart,delivering my parcels
Thin black man from Trinidad
Not smug and conceited in a grey suit
Still polite because your ancestors were slaves
Who could be kicked or even killed
Yet in you it seems a virtue
Creating space for grace
Or for evil.
I’d like to hold your arm and talk
But you’re running off
More deliveries
Good you have a job
Hope all goes well for you
Smiling face like God on day release
From power
Sin
Blindness