Annie the nubile ex-mistress of Stan and colour fancying neighbour of Mary has persuaded Mary that as Stan has run away she should find someone else.Mary is doubtful
First of all,Annie cried,you need some brand new delicate shoes.No man will be charmed by those chunky ,comfy flatties.Nor do your socks show sophistication.
Though a farmer might be happy with them
She herself wore a pink tweed suit and some high heeled boots in purple patent leather over a blue silk pair of socks.
Well,Mary,answered,I thought I should be myself because they might be annoyed being tricked.I would be.
That’s their problem said Annie, somewhat rudely.
Well.where do I get the sort of socks a man would like,if indeed all men are the same in that way?
I’d stick with silky black ones,said Annie kindly.Then some smart black pumps.That simplifies life.
But if I look at Soul-mates online the men will not know what shoes I have got on nor socks
That’s true,said Annie.At least until you meet one if you ever do.
Anyway if it is called Soul-mates,why does my body matter?
Don’t be so literal,dear.You know it’s just a way of indicating they want a lover.
Well.in that case it’s my lingerie that matters more than my shoes.
See here,said Annie bossily.With those shoes and socks nobody will want to see your lingerie Just as well ,said Mary calmly.I don’t have any. Are you telling me you have no underwear on,Annie cried with shock in her tone.Your trousers will need washing more often!! I am wearing some woollen vests and underpants I got for Stan,Mary said shyly.I like wool. What do you think a man will assume if you wear that?
That I can’t afford to have the fire on,Mary queried timidly.
He might think you are transgender.
I have heard of transcendence but not transgender,Mary admitted ruefully.I did used to have a purple bra, she continued distractedly.
Anyway, what about my learning and job as a maths professor?
Don’t put anything about maths on the form.They hate clever women.
Surely they are not all the same,Mary answered.Mary Archer is very clever and she’s been married 50 years
You can’t generalise from one example ,Annie informed her statistically
How about my love of Wittgenstein?Shall I mention that?
If you wear men’s woollen underwear and love a dead, gay philosopher it will cut down the pool of men available.
I don’t think I’ll bother,Mary whispered.I don’t like fishing.I’d rather have a cup of tea.
Really.said Annie.I don’t know why you decided to try this.
I never did it was you.I am quite happy as I am given the dangers of this world.
And so say most of us.Amen.
Mary was sitting in her coral and teal kitchen wondering if she needed some new clothes.The weather had been unusually warm and she had forgotten where she had put her summer dresses.A “special place” is easily forgotten A crash in the hall meant the post had come.Here was Lands End sale catalogue Mary began to look through it though there not many summer clothes and shorts did not suit her Then she found a lovely blue dress with a draped front Annie, her neighbour, tapped on the door and came in, a very lovely sight in her orange striped shift dress with matching lipstick and shoes Hey, Annie, what do you think of this blue dress? Annie had lost her contact lenses so she peered at the description
Elegant 3/4 sleeve dress with Exposed statement back zip
The zip sounds weird,hard for a woman to so up,Annie said Is it to attract men, she coninued? Well, if a man undid it while I was at a dinner party I would be embarrassed,Mary cried So would the man,said Annie, when he saw you were not wearing a camisole nor a bra I suppose it’s a kind of flirting or teasing. Mary murmured softly.
She was ignorant of such things since studying Schrodinger’s equation and his dog. But it’s not an invitation to bare me to the four winds Well, this is the problem,Annie enthused.To some men it would be preciely that.Not to mention gay women The most odd thing is that Lands End sell more sporty casual clothes If it were made of towelling you could swim in the river and then put it on, Annie rambled like an old lady who drank too much brandy I could put it on anyway but would you like a zip on your naked flesh, asked Mary in her jocose yet feminine way? No,I like soft fluffy things on my naked flesh Well, please don’t mate with a rabbit,Mary ordered I only want a merino wool or cashmere cardigan and I can’t mate with that. Don’t you know I am 103? No, you are 73, Mary said correctly.I think we should call 999 and see what Dave the skilfull paramedic thinks about the dress What a waste,mewed Emile who was hiding inside a large copper pan.With so many people ill it would be wrong. Since when have you studied Ethics,Annie asked him You don’t need to go to Magdalen College to know wasting NHS money is wrong Well, he keeps us sane and that saves money, she retorted. You can’t grumble, the vet is expensive and he doesn’t call to make us tea, Nor does he drive to Barnard Castle to test his hearing aids. So true Soon Dave ran in wearing a new sundress made of gingham That looks stunning,Annie told him I made it myself, he said, smiling Well,we would like some.Mary haa mislaid all her dresses. I’ll bring some patterns round.Dave answered shyly Maybe when Boris Johnson resigns We can’t wait.Look at this dress Lands End are selling It looks uncomfortable Dave repied.Why not wear a sheet with a leather belt to keep it secure? Why not indeed? You may get complaints from the neighbours And so say all of us