Witch doctor?

On the e referal form it said, witch  particular doctor do you want to see?
I thought, they must  be using voice typing except we had  to write the answer
Is it a Freudian slip?
Or maybe with the pandemic we are going to get witch dctors where there aren’t enough
medical ones
Which witch doctor  would you like?
Would you like a witch doctor?
I feel bewitched already
Be off Witch

He’s  got a Ph.D,  she’s çalled Diane 


Attracted by the first line of your verse
I set myself in aspic and feel worse

Drawn  over  to your garden  by a rose
I broke my glasses then I broke my nose

When I left I felt like being soothed
 Oriental massage made me  bruised

When the books I read were full of dust
I  felt I had to get them off my chest

I wonder why the doctor  was so kind
I was dead but now I’m going blind

My doctor is  a  brilliant young man
He’s  got a Ph.D,  she’s çalled Diane 

He wondered why I  eat just Weetabix
Why ask a pin to explain why it pricks?

Mother gave us Ovaltine and cake
Surely  one day she must  learn to bake

I wonder why he married you?



Why do we have roast beef on Sundays?
So mother can clean the oven while we go for a walk in the park?

I say, what thick lips you have!
Is that a compliment or an insult?
Gosh,clever too

For Xmas he gave me lavender wax polish and a new duster
I gave him an insult

For my birthday he gave me  silk scarf.He’s never noticed I don’t  wear scarves, bracelets and dangly earrings.
I wonder why he married you?
So does he.

I got so angry,I said I suggest you marry a man next time.Someone as obnoxious as you.
He said, it’s a sin
Well, think how I feel.

He loved dripping.He bought a new car just to drive around Essex seeing if the butchers sold beef or bacon dripping
Then what?
He died of blocked arteries.They were worse than the North Circular  before the M25
What about the car?
Is that all you can think of when I have lost my husband?
Well, you should have eaten all the dripping yourself
What!Murderess.You wish I’d died first?
It might have stopped a lot of arguments
Shooting every one in Britain would have stopped brexit
Except  for  the gunmen
The EU would not want them.
What’s logic got to do with it?

Feel the  loving sun  and kiss the bees

I wish that I could be inside a tree
To put my entire body in its form
To feel the sun and wind and hear the bees

I’d like my hands to dance as   flexibly
As birds move  through  the air, as rises dawn
I wish that I could feel myself a tree

I’d love my  garden sweetly, ardently.
I’d love each single  daisy on the lawn
I’d feel the sun and wind and hear the bees

But would a holly want to  be just me?
Oh, poor tree that walks about  forlorn
I wish that I could turn into a tree.

Perhaps a cat that sat upon my knee
Would mioaw inside my  home by   dust deformed
She would love the sun and wind and hear the bees

When I change,I’ll keep you all informed
You may hear me singing in  the Storms
I wish that I could dwell within a tree
Feel the  loving sun  and kiss the bees


A near miss

img_20191122_203051I said there’s no access,not,you’ve got sepsis
I said.we’re having chicken today not where  the dickens is May
I said, why not go to bed, not, try not to wed
I said turn off the taps, not take a nap
I said,good night darling ,not god, that’s appalling
I said, give me a  kiss not, what a near miss
I asked if you were  here, not can you steer
Well, that was an error,I was full of terror