Emile was feeling very hungry but Mary had put away all the dried cat food when she washed up
She had put Emile on a diet!
She said, you are getting too fat,Emile
Emile was very angry.His fur had stood on end like wire and his eyes glowed in amber yellow when Mary said this but Mary just went to bed.
She was reading The Letters of Ted Hughes.She had already spent five years with the book.Maybe in another five she would finish it.Then what would she do?
Read: The Collected Letters of Sylvia Plath?
Emile was determined not to accept someone else deciding what he should eat.
Now for a cat, it is not hard to find plenty of things to add to your diet, such as
1) Going into other houses with cat flaps and eating their cat’s food
2} Catching mice,frogs,rats and anything else that is smaller than a cat
3} Going down by MacDonalds to see if schoolchilden have dropped their burgers at the bus stop
4} Seeing if the neighbours have left any food out for birds
5} Biting berries off the holly tree the dying
In one case Emile himself had leapt onto the neighbours’ garden table and taken a bite out of s roast chicken they were intending to eat for Sunday lunch
So while Mary read, Emile did a tour of the entire area,Unfortunately he did not find anything edible.
Mary fell asleep in her fetching nightdress of viscose covered in little blue flowers.She began to dream a tiger was going to attack her.So she screamed!
She could still feel its thick fur even after she was half awake
.Oh,Lord, please help me, she prayed
I will never complain again if you save me now
You have said that 600 times already, she heard the Good Lord say
Well,I am a sinner, she said humbly and truthfully
Can’t you be more original?
What, do you want me to be a bandit?
Do you want me to assassinate the Leader?
I’d like you to be a bit more wicked.Steal some raspberries from a allotment.
Claim you gave a shop a £20 note when it was £15
But why,Mary asked?There are no £15 notes here
Because you are too good.
I didn’t know one could be too good!
You are not really good.It’s all in your Unconscious unacknowledged.
You are full of anger and rage
Well, if I start stealing sweets from shops, how will that help?
It will make a crack in your self image.You will have to notice that you do have thoughts and feelings
you have denied.And you saw them in other people
Will it hurt?
Possibly, but it is wiser in the end
Mary felt Emile cuddling up to her face.He was sucking her ear.
What’s this, she cried?
I am starving, he murmured.I got worn out hunting
Food, food, wonderful food
Nothing quite like it for lifting the mood
When Mary got out of bed,Emile said
Oh, mother!You are too fat.
Too fat for whom?
Who is this Whom? A new man?
Too fat to climb Hellvellyn
But that’s 100 miles away
A walk is just what you need