1.Hello,I want to die.
Just be patient and you will die sooner or later
2.Hello,I am going to buy a rope and hang myself when the funeral is over.
You can’t put burden me any more with these endless calls.Why not do it now and have a joint funeral.And you are not tall enough to fasten a rope to the tree.
Why not say instead you feel terrible.And I will say everything passes in time.I will comfort you.
3 .Why did you say,hello, this is the police station?
Because you have your phone number hidden and I thought you were a crook.And I was with someone else who was threatening to kill herself so now that is two if you.I am sorry you feel so depressed.
4.Why do you have a man’s voice on your answering machine?
How do you know it’s a man? They may be transgender and and so am I,not.
How my heart sings 
Funny thing is.. I know of someone that can call for the first help “Hello, I wanna die”
I had someone do that last year.They need a professional to help I would imagine