What to say to spam phone calls

1
You have been in an accident,haven’t you?
Yes,last week
So were you injured?
Yes
How?
I was killed.
2.

Hello, this is  the Insurance company
Hi, this is the Police Station.
3.
Someone in Hong Kong who has your surname  has died.You may  be able to get their money

OK.It was me.

3

Your husband is in Spain and has lost his passport.He needs money quickly
That’s odd.Has he risen from the dead?

Or, since when  have I been married?

4.Your mother is ill  and has no insurance cover.

Can  they get flu in heaven?

Did you say in Devon?

No,I said An Iron in Bevin