Don’t retaliate but don’t retreat

Ego-functioning = adult; feelings = child. These equations also work nicely when applied to two almost infallible rules of thumb in relationships: Do not retaliate, and do not retreat. Retaliation punishes people for being themselves – the opposite of recognition, acceptance, and validation. On the other hand, retreat in the face of dangerous feelings leaves them shapeless and unbounded when what they need is recognition and meaningful, acceptable, limited expression. Fortunate the child whose parents are on good terms with their feelings and their children. Even more fortunate the child whose parents can also use words intelligently, not only about feelings, but also about other things which strengthen ego-functioning. Practically all speech, other than expletives, is ego-functioning. Josephine Klein

The need for others and its roots in infancy. (No retaliation and no retreatBook)

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