Oh my nerves

She said she wanted a smart phone with a stylus. Why does she want styluses?

You have clearly missed the point.

Artists must have broad vision

You make them sound like television sets.

Well I just keep on watching.

Are you deaf?

How did you guess?

Well you’re not blind but you’re stupid.

Maybe I have no taste

Don’t touch me.

Why do you feel too much?

It’s my nerves.

I saw mine when the dentist took my teeth out..

Why where had you put them

They came out with the teeth.

Homosexual sadistic nerves in

The church of England won’t marry them,

Which one will be ordained?

They have not told me their names as yet .

What reaon did they give for that?

Ihey have no brains

Put them in the government.

Come to a United Kingdom

Ruled by knaves

Mary and the plant pot


Mary stood in the kitchen wondering why the floor was so dirty.It looked as of a plant pot had fallen over and flung its compost wildly outwards.Emile was standing on his
hind legs pretending he could dance.
Emile, did you knock over a pot,Mary cried?
I’ve never seen a plant pot here, he replied honestly with a hint of dramatic irony
Oh,well.I’ll make some tea,Mary murmured loudly as of dropping a hint to her late husband,Stan.
She was wearing a red fleece dressing gown and slippers as she ran upstairs
to read the Sun.
Suddenly, before she got to the top, her doorbell rang
In ran Dave, the bisexual paramedic, wearing his new dress and top hat
What’s wrong,Mary asked petulantly?
I was just passing and thought I heard a strange noise.His nose dripped like a tap with no washer
Have you got a cold,Emile asked?
Yes, but I am not selling it
Do people sell illnesses?
Yes, some buy polio germs and send tbem with Xmas Cards
To whom, asked Annie, who was in the porch shivering
Their enemies., of course
Well, after Brexit we might all be paralysed as half wanted to leave and half didn’t
Since the average reading age in Britain is 9 years most of us could not understand the information we were given.To read The Guardian you need a reading age of 14.
That explains a lot,said Mary morosely.How can I teach non linear algebra to people who can’t even read the Wailing Nail?
It sounds like the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem
A nail is not a wall, said Emile furtively.
Annie was wearing some shortie pajamas with cats printed all over
which went well with her amber eyes and long nails,
Can I borrow some Weetabix, she asked Mary? I’ll return it
Please don’t, Mary cried in horror.I have 3 packs of Weetabix Protein here
Do you eat them often,Annie teased her?
As often as possible!
Dave was washing Emile’s feet to practise for Maundy Thursday.
Are you Jesus, he asked Dave?
How can I be Jesus and Dave the paramedic at the same time?
Well, if you believe in the Trinity I see no problem
Emile, you are so clever.Noone would believe a cat was so brilliant
Well,said Emile, maybe I am not just a cat,; his amber eyes turned cerulean blue with joy

A feeling of pure loss

A fall of tears a feeling of pure loss

Unmixed with panic angst, my thoughts converse.

Is this ancient grief or something worse?

My mind is sad and all my words are terse

My thoughts have changed I’m living in reverse.

Another childhood comes and I’m not boss

My dentures are alright without the floss.

Saves a little money, yet I curse.

I’m no longer pure, I fail the test

When my organs fail which will be first?

Will it be my knees or perhaps my wrist?

I had my cake and ate it I shall burst

The velvet glove has always had a fist.

I think I’m going mad, I’m round the twist

Ancient grief a submarine precursed

A fall of tears a feeling of pure loss

True medical comments from doctors to each other

•Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
• She is numb from her toes down.
Qq1qq• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
• She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
• The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
• Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
• I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
• Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
• Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
• The patient refused an autopsy.
• The patient has no past history of suicides.
• Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
• The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
• The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex, which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
• The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his aeroplane ran out of gas and crashed.
• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room