Please undress in front of the bath
We need soap.Do not pinch our remains
Please flush before exit
We ask guests not to sweat in here
Please read the obstructions before being tempted
We speak with tongues
No four letter words allowed except for “abbreviations”
Please use paper then blush
Do not catch light at dusk
I am your equator tonight

There’s a time for departure even when there is no place to go

I went to Epping Forest for a walk
I got lost, so good you had me stalked
You saved me from starvation,even death
I know you like to draw me on a graph

The East End felons never go on strike
Buried in a forest ,not so bright
No headstone with your name on, no red light
No priest, no music, nor a sacred rite

Murderers for Funerals will not pay
That would give their secrets, names away
Their minds don’t grasp they usurp God’s own rights
He knows all our names and when we’ll die

Beware of Epping Forest and its trees
The wildflowers feed the wasps and honey bees

Annoyed by wind and rain I sulked and moaned
Until I got your message on my phone

The weather should adapt to me each day
I’m sure that God will hear my constant prayer

When the sun is hidden by grey clouds
I thank the Lord that I am well endowed

Is it wise to wash my clothes today?
Such ideas on my small mind do prey

I went to Epping Forest for a walk
I got lost, so glad you had me stalked

I meant to go to Washington this year
I need a change of scene, but not a scare

If I die I’d like you all to know
My spirit lives though this my body goes

I have two cats that sleep in my spare room
Shall I paint the walls and door maroon?

If only these two cats sat on my knee
I’d feed them salmon tinned in Malibu

Still as with men, it’s better to pretend
You care not if their love will help you mend