I need all these toilet rolls in case I have a nosebleed,officer
Try using tampax instead
Suppose they get stuck?
Go to A and E
I might get Covid 19
Who is he?
I saw everyone was buying Andrex in large packs.So I thought Boris Johnson had died
I need all these toilet rolls to make Xmas crackers from the tubes,my Lord
I thought they might sell out so I bought 200 more.Is that a crime?
I suffer from a weak bladder, so I need to keep drying myself,officer
Wear a pad
What, an iPad?
Well, don’t use a kindle Fire
You might get burned
Can I put suncream on my female organ?
As long as you don’t play the organ for a few hours
I thought, this is why we can’t sunbathe in the park
But we can sunbathe at home if we take the roof off the house
How mad is that?
Darker colors, in general, tend to be more slimming. But be sure to look at yourself from all angles, including from the back. This is important if you tend to carry your weight on your backside, hips, or thigh
I’ve got no more rotten eggs Well, is that not good? I resent throwing fresh ones at politicians Why not threw that cat’s litter? Kittens! Well, it is a tom cat He probably has hundreds of children That reminds me of Boris Johnson I know he is partly Turkish What’s that got to do with having children? I was just passing a remark His grandad was the son of an immigrant I say, we should ban them That’s extreme What do you suggest? We’ll only have Muslims and Jews That is ridiculous Why? They also have lots of children Let’s go back to eggs. Do you want devilled eggs for your tea? Where I come from we just put sugar in our tea. How original! We couldn’t afford real food unless the cat caught a hen Then you hate foxhunters Well, they don’t eat the foxes… it’s pure barbarity Still, not as bad as the Holocaust and who tried to stop that? I wasn’t born then But you look like a Valkrie Except I am not a maiden and is it my fault I jad golden hair? Why not a maiden? I got married 5 times. Well, I admire your hope but not your experiences Three were men and the last two were women Next you will be marrying that cat I hope I don’t have kittens! Well, better than nothing I am not sure about that Never say never, again What,never? Miaow
Make my heart into a cottage pie.
Already it is minced and lies estranged
My enemies insult me with their lies
And my last will and testament is made.
An onion and a carrot chopped up fine,
Saute with these my heart till all are gold
With herbs and spices I will taste divine
A mashed potato will a rooftop mould.
Do not forget my blood to use as sauce
Though now it’s cold, with garlic make it boil.
For what is gravy but the blood of lamb?
With sliced onion fried in olive oil.
O foes and devils eat me and you’ll be
This is an old photo which I had fun with using a simple photo editor It is not necessary to forgo pleasure when you are a carer.Half an hour now and then is better than watching crap on your TV Pardon my language but I find lately TV has sunk down
I wandered into Digital Art via Microsoft Paint.I could not find any books about it except when you wanted to create an image that looked like watercolour or oil paintings
Well, the tools for that are expensive and to my mind pointless.I prefer to use real water colour.
But since you don’t have to put your paints and water, brushes and other media out it takes no time to open Microsoft online,Pixlr or to download Artweaver onto Windows
At first I did weird little drawings but I was kindly encouraged by Janet Weight Reedand some others on a blog site which alas closed down
Then when I got more intrigued I began to draw cats and apples
You can change the colours to see what you prefer.Dark backgrounds look good more often
As I did this for fun,I was not concerned about whether they were good.
I did learn that space is important in Art and I like to draw two or three objects close to each other as in still lives
If my husband needed me I could just close the laptop for a while.I love colour and the geometry of form
I was told at school I was no good at Art.But now I don’t mind whaat people say because it was a great help to me to take my mind away from the suffering we both endured and the lack of care that we should have been offered.Apparently it is considered impossible for a person to look after a loved one when they are so ill .And I had had surgery just before he collapsed so had 12 stitches in my face.That did distress him as I bleed more than most people.Now they say I am lucky to be alive.I am very grateful also for having readers here and having ‘Mike Flemming’s s beautiful photos