Ignite

If Boris Johnson  frequently told lies
This is very common  nowadays
No-one sane would be at all surprised

If  Boris Johnson could not breath ,so died 
Everyone for his soul might now pray
Though Boris Johnson  told some  dreadful lies

Even Peter , Jesus thrice denied
This was human, of such fears we’re prey
No-one sane would be at all surprised

If Boris was with women, he  was wry
But not enough to  stage one in his  play
Oh,Boris Johnson you should not have lied

   Oh Boris  has more children than his bride 
   Now he wants another though he’s grey   
   No-one sane admits they are surprised

I dreamed  of him last night,  he was so gay
To my surprise he charmed me  with love play
If Boris Johnson   lost his head and died
The  people would be frightened and ignite

 

 

 

 

Send God some gelatine

.My husband is naughty a very naughty man
He throws down the newspaper on top of his beer can
He buys himself a sandwich in a cardboard box
And puts it in the laundry with his woollen winter socks.

He takes off his pyjamas and chucks them on the floor
He uses hankies  frequently, so we have to buy some more.
He wants to have thick sauces on top of all his food.
And when he has a hypo his speech is very rude.

I gave him such a shock when I learned to curse and swear
But we really need to,as “eff off “is everywhere.
Why, even in the Bible there are some wicked words
I’ve not read it all  but it does seem damned absurd

I mean to finish reading it and then when I must die,
I’ll come onto a cloud and shout,Oh pi is in the sky.
For transcendental numbers give a hint divine.
Although you can get it better with a  bottle of white wine.

My husband drinks draught Guinness and then he fall asleep
He hollers and curses when the oven timer bleeps.
He eats a piece of kipper and cried out,Oh,dear God!
Nobody caught this bugger with a  British fishing rod

He wants to move to Whitby and walk upon the sands
Sit in the audience and hear the big brass bands.
He wants to see the sun rise and to see it set…
So please send God some gelatine in case the air’s too wet!

 

I’ll be be judge,I’ll jury

Pamianthe-peruviana_2020-1I am going moon bathing tonight
Is it full?
No,I’ll be in the churchyard with a ghost or two
What, getting buried?
I’m not dead yet
Well, get married
I am still uo nsure about my gender
Oh, dear,If only God had created one person who could fertilise themself
That would be dull. No falling in love, no desire, no arguing, no dinners thrown across the room
Well, you can love yourself
It’s not the same
Still, we must try.
Why?
We only  have one life
What about Heaven?
Have you seen it?
Well,I’ve felt it
Did  it last?
Not long
Owing to your hot temper?
No,  it was the alarm clock
What?
Your dad threw it at me
That was very cruel~
He was testing my reflexes 
So he said,Did you believe him?
I was unconscious
It knocked you out?
No,I fell out  of bed and  hit my head on  this chair
Did he ring 999?
No, he  ran away.
Well, that’s life
I do wish you’d learn some new cliches
So do I.

In deep water, luminous as fog

If I should live again, I’d be a frog
For tadpoles ,insubstantial, cause no fright
Yet they change but not into a log

They change their being, leap up from the bog,
As bread is changed by holy, priestly rites,
If I should live again, I’d be a frog

In deep water, luminous as fog,
The frogs live on the edge of human sight
Yes they croak but not till we’re in bed

As lovers lie down naked on their rug
They tempt the frog, the adder, the termite
Then they rage upon the death of God

As the wheel turns, see, it drips with blood
The human race is ground up, we’re a blight
Yes, someone, somewhere, once did something good

Oh dark, oh grey, oh where is the new light?
Seems like the frogs, the Lord leapt out of sight
If I should live again, I’d be your god
I’d save the world by turning us to frogs

People envy you your nouns

I thought I’d make a few new laws
Never let cats cut  their  claws
Never eat with fork and knife
Until you are  both man and wife
Lick the plate when you’re a guest
Washing up is such a pest
Lay the  table, heat the plates
All these things ingratiate
Don’t say the sky is very clear
The lost  pollution brings on fear
If you panic, never mind
You could be either dead or blind.
See it from a different place
Perspective’s fine when well embraced
Never drink  coffee  to  keep awake
It can make  the chilblains ache
Do your thumbs split near the nail?
Mine have done and I am pale
O woe  is me,I cannot read
My mind is churning at great speed
Never let things get you down
People envy you your nouns

Love keeps the rules

Reality itself is like a dream
Where people die at random. some unseen
People flout the rules while others scheme

In ancient times,what did an omen mean?
A God enraged,his people sinned,unclean
Reality itself seems like a dream

Social life and conversation ruined
My words fell backwards, into  trash were heaved
People flout the rules while others scheme

Still, we have the sun,oh glorious beams
And in  a coup d’etat remainers leave
Reality,a huge collective dream

United by the wish to help,  streets form new teams
Love is shown, regardless, I believe
Some people  like the rules while others scheme

As the world’s  own web  in silence weaves
Stay at  home , give aid to those who grieve
Reality ,a universal dream
Love keeps  the rules, but death’s  still on the scene