The amendments

1.A man must wear a cat at all times ,except in bed when he  may wear pyjamas  over his head if he wants to [unless his wife  likes his face] I was told this by my neighbour who is now a widow.Why? img_20181015_2246593483
2.One must never eat  pork hostages
3.Women must  be immodest  so that men can pick and choose
4.Men must prey at least  5 times a day except on the Sabbath . img_20181015_2246203042
6.A man must love his neighbour but is it the right hand  one or the left hand one?It sounds like musical chairs.Do women love their neighbour? It’s transitive
7.A man must not convert his neighbours’ wife to anything
8 No-one may  hero worship a golden oldie or their neighbour’s calf or a  heel photo01891
9 Women are both seen and heard whereas men struggle with the  obscene
10.If you worship  a  golden owl ,don’t tell anybody as the cat may be jealous.Not to mention  the Divine
Advice:.If a burning bush follows you,go home

When shaped like a brick

How to be chic and elegant when shaped like a brick
How to be chic when shaped like a cricket.
How to be seductive yet decent.
How to lecture when you are not in the mood
How to dress for the Welsh Onion Ball.
How to look good when feeling itchy
How to find your temper and keep it.
How to unlock your inner Daemon.
How to vote when you don’t feel like making a cross.
How to get a new man in  from 30 minutes to  30 years
How to cook the dinner and be really trying.
How to write with your thumbnails
How to make quiche that men love and eat it all yourself
How to  become calmer than anyone else and then die

Mary and the choclate icecream

Woods embossed
Woods embossed by Katherine

So why are you eating that layered chocolate icecream,Mary ,asked Annie  her dear neighbour charmingly  attired in a light purple skirt and blue silk top with butterflies embroidered round the neckline and hips covered by a silk dressing gown
Well, it’s a rather a strange story;it all began when Sainsburys had no slots for delivery
That’s not very interesting,said Annie foolishly
It is to me, Mary muttered plaintively.I wondered if there was anywhere else to get milk and  bread delivered as my neighbours were not so keen to get my last prescription
Why, was it for heroin?  Annie teased her, her smiling face ruined by a  too pale foundation by Hercules of Paris and Dalmatia with crimson lipstick from Boots adorning her wrinkled lips.She looked  ready to star in Death in Venice
No it was for cystitis, Mary cried.Anyhow I went  on to Deliveroo  and they have a store that sells food from Marks and Spencers.Only a  limited range, of course
Mary’s oval face  flushed with a pink glow and her singular blue eyes flashed like imitation diamonds at sunset in Weston -super-Mare
In contrast she was wearing a heather tweed skirt and  jumper of pure new wool
And her green trainers and matching tights
But they had no milk so I  continued with them on to Morrisons who again have a small
of  food and drink 
In  half an hour they were at the door and  all was well
Then one word came to my mind
What was it, Annie asked her nervously, her fingers twisting her  newly washed her  into ringlets so fast it  looked as if she was destroying the roots
Eggs,Eggs! They had no eggs,Mary confided.
Have you none left?

Yes but Emile fell off the windowsill onto the work surface and crushed them all
Do  you  believe it was an accident? Cats  have been known to suck eggs,Annie whispered
Wow,I didn’t know that, Emile miaowed furtively
Stay away from my eggs,Mary scolded him.Lay your own.I wish I could 
So naturally I went to Deliveroo where the local Coop was selling  food
I got eggs,crumpets, marmalade and then I noticed they sold icecream.Chocolate icecream.
You never eat it.Annie  told her
But I like it, so I thought,I’ll just get one as it is Easter
Well, the man came to the door and I saw he had a very small bag
I took it and it said, “sorry, we have no eggs so we have sent 6 icecreams”
That is illogical ,said Annie.You can’t bake  icecream nor eat it boiled with toast
So then I thought I”ll either fly into a rage  or I will eat the icecream
Then tomorrow I will phone  them and say, those eggs you sent were off
I have been sick all night.I want a refund
This is not like you,Mary, her friend said.You don’t cheat and tell lies
Not up till now  but we have to change.Not just ethically but  also
we have to  curse and swear
Your  fecking eggs were off.
But Annie shouted: they will say
We don’t sell fecking eggs but we have pickled eggs
Then I will shout: pickle off cried Mary
That icecream  has made you psychotic,Mary.,Annie informed her
Am I schizophrenic? Mary asked softly
Not yet but  Emile might be if you carry on
I’ll make us some lovely PG Tips Tea, that will restore our sanity
And make some for all of us

The little cherry tree

A little cherry tree has grown unseen
Now it blossoms by the evergreen
Pink and slender with a trunk that flows
In the wind that softly, gently blows

How did I miss the many years  it grew
Looking far ahead, ignoring now
Still in Lockdown we have time to stare
Attention  widens , beauty  has appeared

Expecting nothing, we are granted all
The golden mirror   gleams,an image forms
All the world’s transparent and I feel
Behind  this world, another world’s concealed

Walking softly  breathing quiet and slow
We’re one with insects, birds , in love we grow

Oh,Cumbria

Oh,Cumbria I wish I were with you
Near Ambleside, the stepping stones, the slate
The Langdale Pikes , the valley and the view

The sinking sands, the sprawling sea so blue
The tempting  path across the bay , it’s bait
Oh,Cumbria I wish I were with you

The  thunderstorms, the heavy clouds, the dew
Water is your element, your fate
The Langdale Pikes , the valley and the view

By Buttermere the waterfalls renew
My shoes were pools,my socks a Plathian plaint 
Oh,Cumbria I wish I were with you

I may be human,,I may be astute
My feelings, punctured ,let me lose my state
By Langdale Pikes , huge shadows   stripe the view

The sky is black, the candles  flicker,night
Fear and awe, I kneel  here , faith ignites
Oh,Cumbria I wish I could  see you
The Langdale Pikes , the cliffs,  the distant view