Splinters

He’s the type who hits himself on the head with a large wine bottle and then complains abour flying glass.

He’s the sort who swears at women when he’s happy and swears at them when he’s angry.And when he’s depressed he curses at himself which is much worse.

So I said to him,you need a change and he hit ME on the head with an empty bottle and complained t about the splinters getting in his heart.

So I said,you don’t need to break the bottle,just take the cork out.Then he said I was too bold and bright for a woman.

So I laid him on the bed and took out his splinters with my tweezers.
I stitched him up completely…he’ll be fine in a few weeks time when the cuts are all healed.
Meanwhile he’s resting in the cat’s basket.And the cat is in bed with me.Well,I thought he was a cat at first…turns out to be my ex… he still had a door key.
He said,what’s going on?There’sa man in a casket.
I said,No, he’s in a basket…

So he said,how big is your cat.
I showed him a photo.
That’s no cat it’s a cheetah,he informed me.
Just like you,I said naughtily
So he took the fence and ran away too sea…I hope it floats.
He ought to join the navy but he wore bottle green.
Why are bottle green,I wonder
And I l ike blue glass though not in shards.
So now the cat sleeps in a cot with its kittens… and feeds them all on demand and me as well.

That’s a saving gr