Health News

Copyright Mike Flemming

Everything has a silver lining.

I have lost that stone I carried sometimes it’s safer to be plump as you age.

Too much sugar can make you hyper activated or agitated.

So for job interviews take

Dr Collis compound.It has just a little opium and other wonderful goodies.

Oh’ s been banned

Look in your cupboard and see what you can spot.Opium was popular not so long ago.

Good for the sick

They are giving out packed lunches in the hospital so make sure your relative has some sharp scissors and Elastoplast plus a plate.

Soon they will get all their meals this way after Microwaves are installed

Alternatively you can bring them food from home. a quiche

will last for 3 days in winter .As will tomatoes.

Or send pizza to the Ward.

We can’t feed everyone.

We are not your Saviour.

If you feel àt death’s door stay at home

Why not shoot yourself and end the torment now?

Irony is good for you

Mental illness is a metaphor.. T.Szasz

Is Free Thinking A Mental Illness?

The DSM-IV is the manual used by psychiatrists to diagnose mental illnesses and, with each new edition, there are scores of new mental illnesses.  Are we becoming sicker?  Is it getting harder to be mentally healthy?  Authors of the DSM-IV say that it’s because they’re better able to identify these illnesses today.  Critics charge that it’s because they have too much time on their hands.

New mental illnesses identified by the DSM-IV include arrogance, narcissism, in above-average creativity, cynicism, and antisocial behavior.  In the past, these were called “personality traits,” but now they’re diseases.

It is not mental illness

Is it mental illness to feel down

When we see a hospital destroyed

Little children plunged into the void

Mr Putin smiles more than he frowns

God himself was cruel in the past

Destroyed Gomorrah full of wicked men

He used to be be more active way back then

Is it Satan gloating in the blast?

We can’t believe a war is close at hand

We don’t want to lose our own dear men

Babies with. no fathers cry 🥺 n vain

Ukraine’s agony spreads through the land

He suffers too


Beware the deliver pass,hard won
For I have foolishly got one
It says I can order every day
But guess what folks, they make me pay!
I tried to do one this weekend
But in 6 days I have sinned
I bought 2 loaves just for the ghosts
Foetuses, and heavenly hosts
Though my babies never grew
I still have all their gowns so new
O mother, mother, come you back
I need your arm ,I feel my lack
My linen closets full of clothes
I know the babies won’t want those
Now I’m old,I’d like to see
Their little eyes smile down on me
Tantrums, shrieks and other noise
I would welcome any voice
And one might look like my dear love
Why did God take them above?
Mysterious are his ends today
How can humans know his ways?
The Lord may give, the Lord may take
Blessed be his wounded Face
For God himself does suffer too
His eyes wet diamonds , polished dew


Make scones into a light meal

As we know here scones are usually sweet.But it you leave out the sugar and add small amounts of grated carrot and courgette they become a meal when served with a salad.[Otherwise use raisins or sultanas]
For older people don’t make very small scones as they may find them too crunchy to chew.You can bake the mixture in the shape of a large circle and cut into slices to serve.It will take longer to cook

Ingredients for 12 scones

375g self raising flour

80g butter [tasted better]

250ml milk

The rest is missing!


Oh,Stan is feeling happy.

Oh,Stan is feeling happy.
His wife has gone away.
She’s gone out to Australia
She won’t be home till May.

Oh,Stan has got a mistress,
She lives next door to him.
She is very curvy.
She won’t go to the gym!

Her first name it is Annie
She loves Stan and his cat.
She wears far too much makeup.
Her cheeks are very fat.

She wears bright coloured stockings.
Her handbag’s apple green.
She wears a dark red jacket,
In case she meets the Queen.

Stan loves Annie dearly.
He loves his wife as well.
What will be the outcome?
I’m damned if I can tell.

They’ve been in this threesome
For twenty seven years;
Even though Stan’s mother
Said it would end in tears.

Mary is Stan’s wife
They only had one child.
Her name is little Lyra.
and she is very wild.

She looks quite like a tiger
Her eyes are very sharp.
But Lyra’s a musician.
She plays an Irish harp.

Stan wanted more children
But Mary went off sex.
She never let him love her
Except via a text.

She called him her sweet baby.
She called him “little lamb”.
Stan gets very angry.
For Stanley is a man.

He wants to join with Mary
Like couples usually do.
He wants to unite with her
But she always has the flu.

Now she’s giving lectures
In the southern hemisphere.
So Stan makes love to Annie
And swigs ten pints of beer.

The cat Emile is watching.
He keeps a daily log.
Stan has bedded Annie
Right there on the rug.

He’d vacuumed it that morning
To Emile’s great surprise.
The antics they performed on it
Have opened Emile’s eyes.

Now they’re in the kitchen
To microwave a meal.
Then Stan says to Annie
“I like the way you feel.



Oh,woman it is not your long gold hair
That draws the man into your little lair
It is your independence and your mind
Your morals and your dignity so fine

Never worry if your looks are plain
Do not suffer anguish,mental pain
For if you know the ten commandments well
You know men cannot worship you and tell

If your hair is thin and full of grease
Men will come to you on bended knees
For they fear too much beauty will engross
Illusion binds the heart and mind once foes

Do not be so anxious to be fair
Men will love you more the less you wear

Sorrow after love

“With regard to the sharpest and most melting sorrow, that which arises from the loss of those whom we have loved with tenderness, it may be observed, that friendship between mortals can be contracted on no other terms than that one must some time mourn for the other’s death: and this grief will always yield to the survivor one consolation proportionate to his affliction; for the pain, whatever it be, that he himself feels, his friend has escaped.”
– Dr Samuel Johnson

Do not say oh dental in the night

By my husband. Copyright

Do not go gentle into that good night

Wriggle all the time or fleas will bite.

Keep shouting at the dog until daylight

Make love again or we will have a fight

Drink your whiskey even a full pint.

I made you a new will but you must sign.

I need you here and do not say ‘how quaint

Everybody else has seen the light.

I saw it now I feel distaste.

Grief and it’s adjuncts

You think that grief is hard and it is so

But harder still is emptiness of soul

Do not expect rewards for loving well

The more you love the more your loss is hell

Why did I spend all my time with him?

I could have drowned my soul
I imbibed gin

He said he hated me, where to begin

I was just too stupid to die then

He liked me much he worshipped my best coa to

The collar at the neckline looked like stoat

I thought that it was mink so warm in boats

Fare thee well dear husband you can’t vote

Now students

Now students make sure you can read your own handwriting Mary said loudly just before she woke up.

And what were you lecturing on, asked Emile the cat.

I think it was Cassandra.she cried

I never knew Cassandra was interested in maths, Emile told her.

I don’t mean Cassandra Smith

Well who do you mean,?

That is the mystery of life

THE mystery Is there only one?

That’s the other mystery


The smile lit up her face, the blackness shrank

For this lightning we give many thanks

Her eyes were like green amber damp with rain

They glowed so much it gave my head a pain.

Her nose was short but did its job with ease

Every hour it gave out a big sneeze.

Her ears were pink with love though somewhat bent

Lord have mercy,she is feeling faint

Lie her down by me and I will pray .

I know the words but what do we my words say?

And lonely blue

I bought more cyclamen and thought of you
Wandering through wild flowers by my side
I don’t know where to put them,they might die
Then I would feel so sad and lonely blue

All we read of pain and love is true.
Yet we let our hearts stay open wide
I bought some cyclamen and wanted you
Wandering through wild flowers by my side

I have loved not widely but a few
I have touched on bliss and when it flies
I have touched the grief that truly lies
I bought these little flowers and thought of you