Get on with mathematics

So why do we use letters in algebra?

Numbers have no phones.

What would happen if parallel lines met,?

Trains would crash

What is the square root of minus 1,?

I didn’t even know numbers had roots square or circular.

How many degrees are there in a right angle?

I thought you got degrees at Uni .

I don’t understand what this right angle is.

It means Looking at the world in the best possible way.

What is trigonometry for?

Measuring triggers.

What is topology?

The height of wisdom

Why do we need numbers?

It takes two to tango.

Sin in law


My photo

My mother was so tactful.She introduced my husband to her neighbours:

This is my sin-in-law.

I told my neighbours when she visited
This is my bother

I said: What would you like to beat tonight?

Dread and slaughter, she responded

What, no clutter?

She said,I see fire in your eyes

I said: I am buried, you know

She said, how can you fake facts?

I said,I’m wildly over flagellated

She said,how did I give mirth to you?

You laughed at Dad in bed

How do you know?

I was there!

I never thought of that


I have got more and more incontinent.
Do stop admiring Europe

Why do the government tell us to eat more fruit and veg?
To help evacuate the Common Market from our bodies

Why do the government not have enough beds in hospitals?
They can’t all go to sleep at once

Why are the politicians so stupid?
Because we are.

I am still incontinent
Don’t worry, only another week in the EU
I’ll apply for an Irish passport
You’re not Irish
No, but my parents were

I will miss the Spanish omelettes
But you never go there.

I will not miss Mass on Sundays.
I will become an atheist and worship myself for an hour.Much more satisfying.

I wonder how Enlightened we are.
Well, the light is not the problem.It’s the vision.

I saw the Light once
At Blackpool?

God is love
So is real love God?

Can we go on the Trans Siberian Express?
Where to ?

So why divorce


Why divorce?

She has no moral flaws so I feel inferior.

So,….,I have become impotent.

Is impotence grounds for divorce?

Yes if it is only with her.

You / have another woman?

In my mind!


So why are you asking for a no faults divorce?

He has no faults, he is just ugly?

Was he better when you married him?

I was blinded by love

I see but you don’t

Still time

My photo 2015

We never get washed at the weekend

We like to be dirty like coal

But when mother visits

She will say what is this is

Get me hot water and bowl

In the past people were dirty

But people looked roughly the same

Now we are phobic

After aerobics

We feel like a cat yet untamed

Our natural odours are sexy

Our nature propels us to mate

So get washed less often

And deodorant freshening

For procreation it’s never too late

Anne Lamott’s writing tips



8. Writing is fueled by hard work rather than innate talent.

“I know some very great writers, writers you love who write beautifully and have made a great deal of money, and not one of them sits down routinely feeling wildly enthusiastic and confident. Not one of them writes elegant first drafts…For me and most of the other writers I know, writing is not rapturous. In fact, the only way I can get anything written at all is to write really, really shitty first drafts.” -Anne Lamott

Lamott’s line about “shitty first drafts” has gotten a lot of airtime in the writing community. Many writers seem to use it as a rallying cry.

To me, this quote is a great reminder of the fact that authorship is not a land of “haves” and “have-nots.” The world population has not been divided into capable writers and hopeless wannabes.

If even the best writers in the world struggle to write beautiful prose, we know that writing is a learned craft — one in which we can all improve over time.

We earn the blessing of the Muse by putting in writing time — not by being born with a golden ink pen in our hand.

No faults divorce

What a my shame my husband is dead

I thought you were unhappy with him

Yes and from Weds I could have got a no faults divorce!

Well why were you keen to hide his faults?

The faults were mine

If he got home late I’d throw his dinner at him.

I wondered why you had so few plates.

I lied about him to the neighbours

Lying is hard when we forget which lie we said to whom,

I told them he beat me

Did he?

I beat him.

At what?


That’s not cruelty

It was to him

But he could have taken lessons

In what?

Being a good loser

To your own wife?

Well he was very sarcastic

He said for someone from the poorest street in Lancashire to have got into Cambridge they must have thought I was black