My husband has a rubber face,
He’s a member of the human race.
Some men have faces fixed and set;
My husband’s face is not like that.
He imitates our politicians,
Just like Rory Bremner can.
Though he has no wig or hair piece,
He can look like anyone.
Some nights I waken for I'm laughing
While I am quite sound asleep.
I am dreaming of his mobile features,
Contorted to a different shape.
He is skilled at telling jokes.
And he loves a good cartoon.
If I am suffering flu type blueness
He can get me well again.
He has a rather noble visage.
He gets attention he abhors.
In the bar on King’s Cross Station—
I was asked was he a Lord!
He’s a Lord of Fun and Humour.
He’s a Lord at Listening Well.
He’s unique, but so are you,
And all creatures that on earth do dwell
Mary had ordered all of her groceries but she forgot to put tea. on the list So she sent Emile to the corner shop with a note tied to his collar
Please give the bearer your best tea.
Emile went off and managed to get into the shop after some children who were getting sweets with their pocket money or debit cards
He went up to the counter and mewed,Mother has sent you a note.
One of the children laughed
Is your mother a girlfriend of Mr Kumar?
No, she is not,Emile growled with a loud throbbing voice
Mr Kumar led Emile behind the counter into his living room and spoke to his wife
She asked Emile to sit down as she went into the kitchen and poured him some tea from her China teapot
.Do you want it on a saucer, she enquired thoughtfully?
Yes, please,said Emile.This is very kind.
He leaped onto the rug and began sipping the Ceylon tea.This makes a change, he murmured.
I didn’t know you could just walk in and get free tea!
After a few minutes the shop door crashed open and he heard Mary’s voice
Oh,Mr Kumar,I am so stupid.I sent Emile out to buy some Twinings tea and he has not come home!What shall we do? She started crying and dabbing her eyes with Stan’s hanky.
Come through, he whispered politely.Do not weep,dear.All is well
Mary came in and saw Emile drinking his tea and winking at Mrs Kumar.
Emile, you stupid cat.I was going crazy worrying.I’ll strangle you!
Is it my fault, he replied.I only gave them that note you sent.
But is it not obvious what I intended? she said plaintively
These days you never know, the cat muttered.I try to be obedient as far as I can.
Mrs Kumar came out and gave Mary a cup of tea.
Sit down,dear.Worry is so bad for you.Why did you not phone us?
Since it was just a packet of tea I thought Emile could carry it.He is very intelligent normally.
Yes,I am, thought Emile as he looked at Maisie, the Kumar’s lovely cat who was asleep on a chair.
I wonder if I can waken her up, he asked himself.
Does she drink tea?
Would she like to start a family.It’s not too late for me to become a parent.
Maisie opened her eyes
What’s that cat doing here?
I onlt came for the tea,Emile told her.But you look very beautiful.Shall we meet tonight
I’m washing my fur, she told him with a smile
How about tomorrow?
Have you got a phone?
No, he said,I’ll just caterwaul at 9 pm and if you are free I’ll be under the red maple tree waiting for you
Good grief,thought Mary.
This cat is very cunning.Just one chance and he is making the most of it.
Mr Kumar gave her some tea and she wandered home in a daze after asking them for a drink on Sunday.
My social life is looking up but there’s noone who will hug me any more
Well Emile would but his legs are too short!