God voluntarily turned himself in at one the government’s vans asking illegal immigrants if they want to go home.Lawyers are assessing the cost of shooting God up to heaven from the top of Snowdon or Great Gable.
God declined to say how he arrived in Britain, though his burkha gave us a clue
She signed in for benefits as Jessy Christ and said she had two husbands.
At the time she was labelled as border-line schizophrenic but the Father and the Spirit were found in her council house. helping some beggars to cook a dinner.To have a council house in Walthamstow is a miracle in itself
God will be getting a reduction in her housing benefit
He can sleep in one bedroom if the bed is bigger.The judge says he does not accept that each person in the Trinity needs their own room.
Why God came here is not known as yet.Why he stayed is even more puzzling
However, he has been a great burden on the Economy as he has so many children that the Social Services can’t count them.Though many do seem to be employed gainfully.
His English is ok grammatically but we were told he has a “foreign accent”
and had no papers or identity cards.
God has asked that all the Mediaeval Cathedrals be returned to the Catholic Church as his son does not like Anne Boleyn very much and thought Henry V111th was a narcissistic ego maniac
We’ll let you know more about the drain on the Economy and whether God will cause a new Recession another in the next day or two.He certainly does move in mysterious ways…..that’s probably why no one saw him/her arrive.
Rosa awoke later than she liked to which indicates a control freak element in her personality.She had stayed at her desk till the sun was rising writing her intriguing diary. which she hoped would rival Sylvia Plath’s.She got up gingerly and made herself a cup of tea in a china mug on a work surface in her lovely peach and teal kitchen Passing water into a small bottle for the doctor to have analysed was a task even the most brilliant find hard.Rosa was not even the averagely brilliant amongst the brilliants of history like Plataho,Aristittle ,Simone de Boredwoy or Blazed Rascal not to mention St Coal,.She grabbed her mobile as a dying man at his wife’s hand and rang the cab service. she used now she was unable to see properly or ride her bike. Hello,it’s Rosa Benchez here.Can a driver pick up my urine sample and take it to the surgery for me.Thank you so much. No problem, the manager told her and soon afterwards a young man with dangling earrings arrived.She showed him the sample hidden inside a Sainsbury’s shopping bag.He looked puzzled but agreed on payment of £259.89 She realised she had not eaten any breakfast so decided to have an early lunch instead.As she ate her toasted cheese and snake oil she fell into a daydream.She was with her online man friend walking through a huge field of her favourite flowers,cyclamen.They were walking along companionably without holding hands but together whilst also being apart which was delightful.This was agreeable since she had never met this very charming man in the flesh.He was called XY Matrix although his parents had never studied algebra as far as historians can tell.Could it be a pseudonym? Maybe he was being raised to be a mathematical prodigy but he became a writer and musician and managed to earn a good income and he had a beautiful detached house filled with antiques and ceramic lamps like Freud’ study.In fact ,he had copied that from historical photos and descriptions and one day he planned to become a therapisr. Rosie and Fox as she called him got on well and shared a liking for poetry and music.Sometimes he had sent her music as attachments on his emails.He seemed to love Wagner and Britten which is a curious combination to the British woman.He loved Britten’s Donne’s Sonnets sung by the stunning tenor Ian Bostridge.
After lunch, Rosa opened her laptop.She found an email from Fox. You have been here and broken all my windows and my bath is ruined,he wrote.I am moving house to get away from you.And I am having plastic windows. Rosa was alarmed as it defied common sense She did not know where his house was and it was in another country.So she emailed him back, What is wrong ,dear?You only said 2 days ago that my poetry had helped your sick friend when you went to visit him in the hospital Waiting anxiously for his answer, she sipped some coffee and looked at her friend Dolly walk by, dressed in a pink suede jacket and black linen culottes with matching red boots.Where is Dolly going she wondered pensively,feeling like a cloud floating over Rydal Water in the winter not knowing which way the wind might blow it After two hours of utter silence, she decided to wait until the evening when she had put away the groceries and written a triolet or two.She was keen to do it before she lost the impetus The whole evening went by so she emailed him again.But again he did not reply. The next morning she found a letter on the doormat.
Dumbtown Dear Rosa I thought you would be kind and gentle like your poetry but you have wounded me.You asked me what date my dental appointment was which was an invasion of my privacy.You told me you would not mind if your son was gay whereas to me it is a sin to indulge those sick appetites and you should not encourage him Signed XYM A dental appointment? It’s not as if she had asked him if had a sexually transmitted disease or whether he really believed in Jesus as his Saviour.Nor had she asked him if he liked to smoke cigars in bed nor if he let Lassie his sheepdog sleep on the bed and cuddle with him.For all she knew, the dog might be his partner or even his wife She emailed him as she felt anxious in case he was having a breakdown.He replied, saying she was not who he thought and he was finished with her. I wonder who he thought I was, she asked herself as she sat with tears in her eyes feeling concerned about what was really going on in his dear mind.Her cat Lucy ran up and sat on the arm of the chair gazing frenziedly at her owner and mother Don’t worry Lucy.I am sure I will soon be ok.This must be a mistake.I think he has got paranoia which gets worse and then better
Having read a little of the book online she decided it had some useful tips which could also apply to people who were not paranoid ,like always being polite,never telling lies and never arguing.As it was only £1899 she placed an order.If her friend was really ill she did not want to make him worse.
On the other hand ,who knows what his real motives might be.He could be a sadist or have got many women friends and not enough time to keep them all happy.He might even be gay and be using her to see if he could love a woman at a distance better than one in the flesh.
We have to admit that often none of us know why we do certain things.As a friend used to say
It seemed a good idea at the time.
And so cry all of us.