She sat down for so long her circulation stopped Diagnosis: Died of ignorance
Her hair was so thin she was ashamed to go out Died of social anxiety, late onset
She was very plain but didn’t know until she saw herself in the mirror Diagnosis :Shock made her heart spasm. Died of fear and rage.
She ate a large plateful of steak pie and chips Then ate a meringue Died of indigestion and stupidity or both
Her husband hit her with the frying pan Died because the pan was cast iron. Death was not intended nor expected Verdict :Suicide as he had hit her so many times, she could have left
Note: Cast iron may cook well but it is dangerous when you throw it across the room
God voluntarily turned himself in at one the government’s vans asking illegal immigrants if they want to go home.Lawyers are assessing the cost of shooting God up to heaven from the top of Snowdon or Great Gable.
God declined to say how he arrived in Britain, though his burkha gave us a clue
She signed in for benefits as Jessy Christ and said she had two husbands.
At the time she was labelled as border-line schizophrenic but the Father and the Spirit were found in her council house. helping some beggars to cook a dinner.To have a council house in Walthamstow is a miracle in itself
God will be getting a reduction in her housing benefit
He can sleep in one bedroom if the bed is bigger.The judge says he does not accept that each person in the Trinity needs their own room.
Why God came here is not known as yet.Why he stayed is even more puzzling
However, he has been a great burden on the Economy as he has so many children that the Social Services can’t count them.Though many do seem to be employed gainfully.
His English is ok grammatically but we were told he has a “foreign accent”
and had no papers or identity cards.
God has asked that all the Mediaeval Cathedrals be returned to the Catholic Church as his son does not like Anne Boleyn very much and thought Henry V111th was a narcissistic ego maniac
We’ll let you know more about the drain on the Economy and whether God will cause a new Recession another in the next day or two.He certainly does move in mysterious ways…..that’s probably why no one saw him/her arrive.