February 14, 2022 – How my heart sings

I have become interested in virtue and perception.It began when I read a little Aristotle about virtue being a habit.That was quite recent.Before that for many years I believed virtuous acts would follow from being able to perceive well.
But when we are fraught our minds and eyes tighten up and so we perceive only what may be a danger to us.To perceive others well we need to be in a position to trust others and we need to feel secure.How is this possible?
From my studies I read that our ability to trust begins with a trusted caregiver in infancy,[See” Atttachment and Loss “by John Bowlby] We may be able to become more secure later by good fortune,friendship and love.
If not,I seem to get the idea that if we are insecure and nervous we cannot truly perceive others and they may be in the same position.If we are afraid then virtuous acts may be hard to enact.Whatever virtuous acts are.
The reason is obvious… when. we are concerned with mere survival , iwhat we do to others may be impossible for us to consider.We cannot truly see them and so we cannot act well towards them except by good luck
Or if we are able to tolerate great anxiety,we may see better…. if not we are incapable…. Those whom we cannot see properly we cannot consider with the most feeling and act on that.We see them partly or mainly in terms of the fearful fantasies in our minds and cannot see them as other and interesting.
When we make a friend online we may feel safer but in fact we are more likely to misperceive them. When we are from a sad or difficult background it may help greatly if we have some friends who might point out our errors if we trust enough to tell them.
Or we may pretend to be hard an isd tough.Neither leads to virtue.If we could trust God it may help but I believe we see God through the lens of our parents.. which is not good…depending on the parents.I am unsure if God is herem anyway
When we live in fear,we cannot see what is there before us.We cannot let go.We cannot accept grace and love nor give it.We will try to live by will power.Ironically people who are fearful inside can develop a shell of toughness and pride and so are not seen as vulnerable and/or lovable.They may seem frightening to others. This account may help to explain why politics is the way it is and also we see that arguing is not persuasive when the other/ourself are not able to open up and see things broadly.
Arguing makes us tighten up and see less well.And it can be frightening too though some cultures find it more acceptable than others.