Sorry I can’t take your call at the moment.I have to lay an egg
This is the answerphone.Who are you?
I don’t have six handsets linked to me,But you can leave a short message
There’s noone here now.We have gone to inject bleach into our veins.May see you later
We are trying Dettol in our lungs today.Please try us again tomorrow if you are sadistic enought
Sorry, they didn’t leave the answering machine on.This is a robot.
We can’t afford an answering machine so I trying to make one out of tins and string.If you manage to leave a message we will make pots of money
If you are the doctor,I am dead
Please stop trying to sell me heroin.I have decided to make my own.From oats
Is that the baker? Please hide the loaf behind the bicyle if the dog allows you.
Hi I am the dog.They have left me alone.Why don’t you come over and steal their TV?
Sorry, my daughter has got chicken pox and the cock is angry.Call back next week after we’ve eaten him
Are you the new domestic help?The key is in the door.Please lock up and put it through the letterbox after you are done
I can’t swear at you but I will call you an idiot if you like.Free!
I’ll take the cat when we divorce.Stop calling me.I am speechless but not mute