What Orthodox Jews seem to do as observed by a fairy godmother

 2012-01-22

1.A man must wear a cat at all times ,except in bed when he  may wear pyjamas  over his head if he wants to [unless his wife  likes his face] I was told this by my neighbour who is now a widow
2.One must never eat  pork hostages
3.Women must  be immodest  so that men can pick and choose
4.Men must prey at least  5 times a day except on the Sabbath .She always was bad at spellingHowever, one can pray mentally [but not while eating dinner.]
6.A man must love his neighbour but is it the right hand  one or the left hand one?It sounds like musical chairs.Do women love their neighbour? It’s transitive
7.A man must not convert his neighbours’ wife to anything at all
8 No-one may  hero worship a golden oldie or their neighbour’s calf or a cow’s heel
9 Women are both seen and heard whereas men make scenes. and gird their loins
10.If you worship  a  golden owl ,don’t tell anybody as the cat may be jealous.Not to mention  the Divine
Advice:.If a burning bush appears,keep still and listen  respectfully then run
And never kill your nanny’s goat unless she tells you to.

I welcome comments and criticism

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