She’s enthralled with bows of holly.
Tra la etc
She’s no reason for her folly.
Flaunts she now her queer apparel
Whilst she haunts the old beer barrel
Tra lalalalalala
Critique:
1 Rhyming verse is old fashioned and unpublishable.You need to be destructured and derrida-ised and also deodorised.
2 How can you tie a bow with a holly branch.They prick.So non-realistic but not quite making it to the world of truly surreal fantasy.This line inhabits a world of its own with no particular attraction to most human beings ,who prefer to live with live beings ,not isolated, meaningless, confused and curmudgeonly lines from amateur poets manque.
3.It may be politically incorrect.That may not concern some people but we must keep up to date.If you wish to be non PC make that plain but without stating it transparently.Study some government reports
4.How can a living person haunt anyone? Are you following me on Twitter or down the road?Are you suffering from OCD and if so are you in treatment or just making the most of it?Count your blessings or sheep.Knock,knock.
5.Women don’t like beer much unless they are sculptors and even then it makes one pee too much.The toilets in Aldeburgh are awful I do agree though that beer does transcend gender in the manner Lacan described in E-creatures.Foucault began this tendency as being French he drank wine in bed and wrote on his knees.What with we don’t know.But if you imitate them you will never beget a degree even in hand writing
I am afraid I have to fail you and I don’t know if you could do better.How about moving to finger painting next term?
How my heart sings 