Get praised for signs of tenderness

I have to get my hair dyed  blonde

Put radiant serum on my face;

My nails need varnish like this chair

Right now they are a deep disgrace.

My feet are hidden by my boots.

I washed my neck and cleaned my teeth.

The cat is here and torments me

He wants to go to Hampstead Heath

Like men he doesn’t understand

Being female  makes demands.

Yet also, on the other hand,

I could change gender by command.

Then I could cut  all my hair off

Go to bed , be cleanserless.

Look awful when I’m feeling rough

Get praised for signs of tenderness.

Yet I would have to compete then

And fight off lots of other men.

And being shy is tough as when

A woman ignores you and your pen.

And even if one succumbs to charm

And lies all beauteous in your arms

You must be careful to keep calm

Seem manful when you feel alarm,

If  she’s  had lovers  forty six,

Does she expect you’ll know their tricks?

Or will   you find that you just click

All she wants is a face lick.

For you can cleanse her make up off

Is it poison, is it tough?

Look at her big powder puff.

Don’t inhale,it isn’t  snuff.

The strangeness of this form of verse

While it helps one to converse

It’s hard to end when it gets worse

And hence I must be very terse.