---

I used to miss your emails but no more

Nancy loves me now, my lips are sore 

She wants me to be tough and I don’t mind.

If you love another you are kind.

Your words were strung on lines,so very taut

The cat could see them, did she really ought?

We could only use three letter words

If we put a fourth one who would squirm?

Your face had an expression very mean.

As if you’d thrown a rat that bit the Queen.

You don’t care if you are sent to jail

But I care for I think you’re rather pale.

Your nature is composed of several parts.

One of them must surely be a heart.

Your eyes look kind yet they look for prey.

Is there any need for that today?

I just read out a story very cute..

I mean I would but I am almost mute

To sing a poetry reading is not hard.

I am very patient here’s the card

Hallowe’en
Stan was feeling sad because the clocks had turned back so it was dark at 4pm.His wife Mary was out on her old Raleigh with battery lit lights front and rear….though not quite on her ass.Stan is very vulgar sometimes as it cheers him up.When Mary gets home he did say to her once,You need a light on your ass .Mary,like the Queen,was not amused.
Emile Stan’s cat suggested they go for a walk before sunset and so off they went.Stan wore an old green overcoat and a flat cap.Emile was running ahead as he was so excited.Some times he sat on the sturdy old man’s shoulder on a cat pad.[On sale everywhere for two pounds ten and sixpence.]Stan felt his spirits rise as he walked as the sky was so beautiful striped in blue and peach just like it had been in the Holy Land when he went on a Pilgrimage with other old Catholics from Knittingham Cathedral
How lovely it would be to walk in the wood and feel crunchy leaves under his boots.[From Hotters of Whelmersdale,Lancs] And Emile liked to bury himself in the leaves and leap put as Stan went by.But as they approached the wood a strange sight met their eyes,,, all four!
The trees were full but not with birds.They were full of cats.Big cats,fat cats,thin cats,pedigree cats,mixed race cats,cats of all colors and sizes.You can imagine the effect of having a hundred or more cats’ eyes staring yellowly at you in synchronized glares.Why,it was almost enough to send Stan running home for some brandy

Emile went nearer.He spoke to a big black cat

What’s going on?,he mewed.You are in my territory,

The black cat looked at him with his big green eyes.

We are witches‘ cats.We have come from all over Great Britain,excluding Northern Ireland as cats are not allowed on the boats now. no ratsl eft]..Tomorrow is All Hallows Eve and we are accompanying our multi-ethnic multicolored witches on a grand flight over Knittingham…tonight we are having,The Big Sing… at midnight precisely.
Did you remember to change the time on your smartphone,asked Emile.All the cats began to giggle and laugh.
We don’t need phones or clocks.We go by the stars and the moon…though doubtless the witches have watches.
Do witches have watches?,Emile asked Stan,after telling him why the cats were there.
Old witches have watches,Stan murmured,mesmerised by the vision of the cats swaying in the gale force winds.Thank God cats have fur,he thought lovingly.
Can we have a walk here,?he asked testily.
Well,Sir,do you recall a song from your childhood,If you go down to the woods today,you
’re sure of a big surprise.At your age,is your heart soft enough to stretch when you see five thousand cats…
I am sure I shall be ok as long as the Good Lord does not come here to feed them with five loaves and two fishes
All the cats laughed again.Stan was puzzled how they managed to stay in the trees with wind and giggles and a few scrapping and fighting as tom cats so when lady cats are near.
We are already full of fish supplied by all the local pet shops,markets and goldfish bowls!
How disgraceful, thought Stan,to eat pet goldfish.but owing to the number of crazy cats he decided to keep quiet…As he got nearer he saw a few cats smoking pipes..Well,I never knew cats smoked,he said to Emile
.Maybe it’s magic mushrooms or coyote,the cat said cheekily
Do you mean peyote?,Stan said querulously.Coyote are animals..
Ah,well.you get my drift,Emile replied cheekily
What was most strange was why this big meeting was taking place in Knttingham
Then he remembered it was the cent of the UK…that must be it.Most intriguing to see all these cats.A few even had tartan ribbons on as they were from Scotland.But how did they travel so far.No doubt it was all arranged by the Chief Wizard.
Somehow Stan and Emile felt self conscious as the cats were almost glaring at them,reminding Stan of an occasion when he and his wife had wandered by accident onto a remote beach for gay nude men.The looks they gave the old folk were far from gay;So he and Emile turned round and headed for home… at least they were forewarned of the midnight concert they and Mary would hear.Stan made some tea with twice as many tea bags as usual.
as he was concerned he might get PTSD or worse,maybe kittzophrenia.This poor man was blessed with a vivid imagination.
When Mary came in from the University he called out,
We have had the most amazing day,Mary….But Mary was wearing a pointed black hat and cloak…. and a big smile.
I know what you mean,Stan….I am just off to take a peek myself.She picked up her broomstick and rode away into the darkening sky.~to think one could be both a witch and a mathematician,,though numbers have a certain magic of their own as we all know

At Whitsuntide we celebrate
The Holy Dove who will remake
The life within the human soul
With clear intent to make us whole
For our life is no mistake
We’re here to live, be not afraid
For virtue is why we are made
But also laughter, be not staid
At Whitsuntide
Some are silent ,some create
Some are cruel and devastate
We tell stories new and old
The dove brings peace which us enfolds
At Whitsuntide

I wish that you were here

I wish you were still living
I wish you were still here
I was making you a cup of tea
You were sitting near

I put it down beside you
On the table top
But before we could drink it
We heard a heavy knock

The woman came in boldly
With a spirit black and sheer
She wanted to assess you
But Death had come with her

Death was dancing like her shadow
She was its chosen host
You never drank that cup of tea
That’s what hurts me most

For a married couple
Sitting side by side
Having a nice cup of tea
Is nothing to deride

Meals and drinks form structures
For the sick and frail
You were happy in your old brown chair
I feel that I have failed

I should have kept that woman out
I see her mocking face
Death hid itself just by the porch
She left me here defaced

Eight days later on the phone
She heard my quivering voice
Told me to get therapy
Mourning is for ghosts

We cannot grieve and weep these days
For all emotion’s wrong
We need to be schizoid
Our affect flatly flung

Come back,John, and have your tea
I’m still warming the pot
If that woman comes again
I’ll baptise her with the lot

I miss you, how I miss you!
I only have your dust
I keep you in my heart for sure
I miss the love and trust

For so long you loved and imitated me

Then we were students at the university

Without you, I won’t feel like anyone

To whom shall I turn when you are gone?

When you’re the one who shared my infant bed

When you’re the one who treasured what I said

When you’re the one I soothed in the dark night

When you are gone there can be no more light

When the moment comes,I must believe

For trees shall weep their leaves as if bereaved

Then will my sister heart with sadness heave.

Oh do not do not ,do not ,do not leave

Menu for today

Mock certain soup
Marmite on sliced lead posted
Scrambled legs on real hosts
Jellied heels and arm cakes

Mains

Roasted spam and mixed wedges
Mock chicken’s chest in green sauce and true potatoes
Limb chops on a bed of onions and mashed tunes
Cauliflower -let’s -have- you plus green ballad and lemon dressing

Puddings

Blackcurrant whistle and dream
Plum’s heart with bastard
Jam sponge with lemon voice.
Spotted Flick and scream
Xmas pudding in vices and custard
Chuck ices and choice of hoist
Almond part [home made] and creme du jour and my wife free

Free tea for pensioners.£2.50 per pot.Bring your own mugs

The War that did not end in ’45
Continues its trajectory of grief
Victorious, the people who survived
The War that did not end in ’45
On our backs ,the consequences ride
We will ignore the eyes of those who died.
While the gods of death float through our minds like leaves
The War that did not end in ’45
Continues in its maintenance of grief

Do you think it is bad not to have what you want? Then consider that whether we call it to unconscious,god,nature, there is a part of ourselves which is in touch with something wiser and that may be something we don’t pay attention to maybe because of business.But sometimes we really need to do so and we are forced into idleness and torment so that we stop our activities and listen.

What we want may not be what is best for us.

noun

1. a gesture in which a person kisses the tips of their pinched-together fingers and thumb and then waves the hand with the fingers splayed, in order to indicate that something is excellent.”the video is truly worthy of a chef’s kiss”
   • used in reference to someone or something outstanding.”her larger-than-life earrings are a chef’s kiss”

A force far deeper than our anger

Elemental as a storm

Annihilating all before it

Terror makes our rage perform.

This force saying self is threatened

Runs to rise and to protect,

Most murderous when we’re most alarmed

Rage the enemy detects.

Over-riding other feelings

Blocking out our power to think

Like a nuclear tsunami

Disconnecting human links.

Reddened vision,focused,narrow;

Eyes locked onto enemy’s

All the wider context losing,

Wipes out our good memories

Like a mother tiger fighting,

And the cornered eagle’s force;

We will destroy what we think other

Without bitter,pained remorse.

Nature made such to protect us;

Yet our perception can be wrong.

Once the flood of feeling takes us

All reflections seems too long

→
I feel I’m more important than before [Google thanks]

I feel I’m more important than before
For no-one cared I lived here in this house
Now Google spies on me through my glass door

If I buy shoes from Clarks, they’ll tempt me more
Advertising frequently and loud
I feel I’m more important than before

If I buy a laptop, I need scores
How stupid is AI , and yet how proud
Now Google spies on me through my glass door

They know I’ve been to Boots but not what for
Soon they will be spying via my mouse
I glow, I’m more important than before

They steal as silently as none before
Even when I’m ironing my spouse
See Google spies on me through my glass door

I taught what the laws of chance allowed
I even taught my cat till she miaowed
By FBI and MI5 ignored
I guess I’m more important than before

The sun is dancing through the leaves

Every moment must be seized.

Let’s take our power and live alive

Before Death takes us to the grave

https://www.theguardian.com/news/blog/2013/apr/04/living-on-benefits-readers-panel

Mary was in her front room looking for the Jewish Cookery book by Penguin.She couldn’t see it,so said to herself,Jesus Christ, you’re losing it,Mary,
As she turned to walk away, the book fell onto her head.
Thank you,Lord, she said in a mildly sarcastic tone of voice.There was no response
She went into the bijou kitchen covered in cerulean blue tiles by her late husband Stan, while he was still in this world.
Why not make a cup of tea, she asked herself politely
Just then the back door opened and her neighbour Annie ran in.She was dressed in indigo and green striped trousers with a scarlet top and scarf.
Her face glowed with Avenue Oat and Lentil CC moisturiser with sunscreen and she had green mascara on her eyelashes from Rive Sans Torrent de Paris and Bruxelles. which matched her trainers and her eye glasses.
May I have tea? she said shyly.I‘ve just been to my English Grammar lesson
Yes,you will be very welcome,Mary said.But why bother now to learn the difference between MAY I and CAN I?
I feel better if I am more confident,Annie said.And the tutor is very handsome
Is it a man? Mary asked
That seems grammatically erroneous.IT refers to a non-human object
What should I say? Is she a man, is he a man,are they a man,is that a man? Mary wondered.
Well, they could even be something else,Annie told her
Don’t say any more or Jordan Peterson will be here shouting at you
I am puzzled by him,Mary said.He said he was a therapist but his voice is not very mellifluous and you’d have to be careful what you said to him.
Like, you hate housework and prefer to try to solve Fermat’s Last Theorem? Annie whispered nervously
Well,yes, but with a therapist you need to be relaxed and say whatever comes into your head,like Canadians were redeemed by St.Eliezer a Cohen,usually referred to as Leonard but I can’t see JP getting on with him Leonard loved women but he was never actually married legally.JP would hate him.
He looks very cross and annoyed despite a marriage and family.I wonder if he helps his wife to cook the dinner,Annie pondered
Not likely, Mary said as she looked through her Jewish cookery book.
I might make a cheesecake tomorrow, she cried.I need a new recipe as I’ve met a man online and we are taking a picnic to the Park.
Are you sure, he/it/they is/are a man? Annie said politely
How can one be now,said Mary.I suppose he/they want to pass as a man but I hope he is a biological man if we are to marry.
He might be gay,Annie told her
Then why would he ask me out?
Because he is a mathematician and he wants to discuss surreal numbers,Annie giggled
Would you join SoulMates and pay a fee just to talk about those? Mary replied in a puzzled way.
I guess it’s cheaper than taking a train to Oxford and sneaking into the Maths Institute,Annie informed her.
OK,I shall bear that in mind.What shall I wear?
In the park you might sit on the grass so wear some thick trousers and a wool sweater
I won’t look very charming in those,Mary said furtively, afraid Emile her cat might get angry if he knew she was dating a new man.
Can’t I wear a red dress with flowers all over and a yellow hat?
You CAN…. but is it WISE? Yellow attracts insects
Well,Mary said,I don’t mind what they are,I just want SOMEONE or SOMETHING to be attracted to me.
And so say all of us.Except Emile

O

Wider than a star

The mind is deeper than a well and wider than a star
I lose myself in waters deep ,symbolic ,sweet and clear
I rest embraced by this love and wish for nothing more
I dream I walk in meadows sweet
The daisies in my hair

The heart has reasons and desires as if it were a mind
If it’s soft as cashmere wool then it will remain kind
Yet if it’s hard then it may crack and we will split ,divide
I dream I walk by river fleet
With heart and mind combined

The other self that dwells alone in privacy divine
Needs sacred care and sweet respect and peace from what’s malign
The inner nature of us all is given and then transformed
I dream I walk on long white sands
By seas. blue, crystalline

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/30/the-men-who-give-up-on-their-spouses-when-they-have-cancer?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

Annie and Mary I decided they must go back to Rose house before they return home.

How to ring the bell because the door was not left open n caset any of these imprisoned old people who wish to escape and run to the bus stop just outside. It was probably a mistake to have a care home so near to the bus stop.

Maggie was pleased to see them and ask for a cup of tea but the carer said that there were only two of them on duty so that they had no time to make anybody tea.

In the next room to room to Maggir was a woman called Elaine who was 95 years old

One day Elaine had asked Maggie did you think it was better to have dementia or to remain as she was with a normal brain.

Was Elaine thinking that you get privileges if you are demented?

Please don’t pretend that you’ve got dementia because we think you’re going to be able to be screaming a lot more than you do already because they don’t give extra help to those people.

One day I heard them saying to June, you aren’t the only person in here there are 14 other people on this floor

You do not get one to one care here. You have to go somewhere else for that

Oddly although they knew that this poor woman was demented they talked to her as if she was rational and if she was shouting and screaming they would tell her to stop because if she had contol.

And who knows what goes on when she is alone in that room with a member of staff because if they accuse them of doing something wrong they have no evidence.

Like I told him a story, one night the nest brought round my medication and I said where are the three pink tablets?

She said you don’t take pink tablets. Just a minute yes you did take pink ones but they’ve changed to White now.

I took them and swallowed them and then I was very nervous because I didn’t really believe that story and asked to come back to show me the box but she didn’t hurt one out to see the color.

I didn’t make a formal complaint and luckily at no harm with them but when I did discussef it with someone in management they said that it was probably my bad eyesight that made mr6 think it was the wrong colour but if you’re always being pink up to then and it went back to pink the next day and it’s been pink ever since

If they were slightly more mature they would realize that defensiveness is a weakness and it has happened on other occasions and the nurses each said to me thank you very much for telling us that. You are a very clever woman.

You don’t have to be very clever to know what your medication is like when you’ve been taking the several years

Very surprised to hear this story, Annie and Mary nearly burst into tears.

I’m sorry Maggie said maybe I shouldn’t have told you.

No no you were quite right to tell us and I’m going to phone you every week when I go back to knittingham.

Maybe you could imagine that you are an anthropologist visiting a different culture and you can make notes about anything that seems interesting or frightening or worms and then we’ll come up and if a few weeks just for the weekend and you can give them to us or if you can do this on your tablet you can email it to us as if you my email address

maryknits@spirit.net

annieknots@spirit.co.uk

And if you want to know more about this you can get the book

Teach yourself how to be an anthropologist in 50 steps

As Annie and Mary returned to the hotel never much quieter than there have been when they’re left and Emily was having a rest work up to see these two anxious faces staring at him.

Butt sometimes life is terrible

https://www.gq.com/story/why-getting-better-at-waiting-could-improve-your-life

In JapanThere are lines drawn in front of every door that people queue up behind. That carries over into these moments of national crisis. After the Tohoku earthquake and the Fukushima crisis in 2011, as people waited in line for resources like food and water, it was incredibly orderly; there was no chaos. There was no stampeding. It was people honoring the wait as a symbol of their interconnectedness. Waiting was not seen as a negative thing. Waiting was seen as a contribution to society. We’re all facing this crisis, and together we will wait for our resources because you are just as important as I am.

Constant rumination kills the soul
Restrain your thinking and so become more whole
I write the sentence down, just like I speak
I find my native tongue lets symbols leak

My mind is like a small holed metal sieve
I hope I shall be kind and will forgive
What remains is worthy of a place
As for my mistakes, I beg your grace

Some minds are deep,clear streams their thoughts like fish
Other minds are tortured ,spin and crash
Keep on swimming like the drowning frog
He turned the milk to butter as he trod

Do not linger long on cruel thoughts
Scruples come from Satan, he’s worth naught

Daddy where were you when I was sad
I bought you Woodbines in Mather’s corner shop
I carried your boiled egg with salt on plate
You lay in bed adorned with wreaths of smoke

Uncle Herbert died when I was five
Not many of Dad’s brothers left alive
But Bert was old and all his children grown
He lay inert, the coffin dark, the stone

I saw yours and Grandad’s too, the oak
The Cemetery filled with men and broken hearts
Baffled grieving we would love seek
And for Mum’s mother’s grave, we tried to look

We too will lie gently in the earth
In communion with our parents ,love and birth

Is it mental illness to feel down

When we see a hospital destroyed

Little children plunged into the void

Mr Putin smiles more than he frowns

God himself was cruel in the past

Destroyed Gomorrah full of wicked men

He used to be be more active way back then

Is it Satan gloating in the blast?

We can’t believe a war is close at hand

We don’t want to lose our own dear men

Babies with. no fathers cry in vain

Ukraine’s agony to the world expands

Mary was feeling very tense; her back was aching.
Oh dear she moaned to her cat Emile. what a pity I can’t go to the beauty salon for a massage. I feel like it would do me so much good
Her little cat was very worried.
What can we do ?
I have got a bright idea ,said Mary. you can massage my back
I don’t think that my paws are  big enough
I know what to do Mary cried. If I lie on the bed with my back bare you can put some hand cream on your paws. then you can walk up and down my spine.
Off course you will have to wash your paws first.

 I have got a better idea as a cat. I will go out and get Smokey who is in the shed and Dusty he lives up the road and all the three of us can walk up and down your back

 I suppose that since I am the biggest one I will walk in the middle and they can walk on either side of me

 Emile left to collect his friends while Mary got a shallow dish of warm water and a towel so that the cats could wash their paws after they came through the cat flap from the garden

  She carried a large tub of moisturising cream upstairs and lay down on the bed with nothing on but her skirt and some stiletto heels plus a scarf and hat in merino woo;

 Suddenly she heard a loud voice.

 Where are you Mary she heard this very loud cry
Go away,Annie said Emile, go away mother is having a sleep

Ok I’ll come back at 5  oclock. she heard the kitchen door close and a few minutes later in  ran the three cats ready to help her

My goodness what would Annie have  thought if she  had seen Mary lying on the bed?
Mary put some cream from the moisturiser tub on to a plate so that the cats could get their feet covered
She lay face down on the bed  and she felt the soft pads of their feet on her back
Lovely she cried

 Emile mewed, Now keep parallel to me and press your feet down firmly as you walk. The three cats walk slowly up her back until they reached her shoulders
Now do do a 180-degree turn and slowly very slowly tread down Mary’s back until you come to her waist
All of the cats kept well in line firmly but gently down there is aching bad
 Do it again Mary  called

Smokey  and Dusty  were surprised  but Emile was used to the strange ways of human beings especially Mary and Annie who has been very distressed when poor dear Stan had been taken away from them
This is how grief affects some people They do the most odd things. but in another sense it seems a very sensible thing to do;it certainly helped Mary’s back
When she told them that she was feeling better they stood up on their hind legs and with paws touching they dancted around in a little circle on her back while Mary sang

 Here We Go Gathering nuts in May

 Unfortunately there was nobody there to take their photograph  but if you have someone might be able to arrange for something like this for yourself

 Otherwise tie a soft cloth on the end of a brush and and rub your back with this.

 Do  make sure that no one can see you through the window because you would have to take your clothes off

 You might live in a nudist colony  and then it will be alright 
I think I’m going to do it myself after I have a cup of tea. I will  put my raincoat on and go outside to see if I can find any cats roaming around at dusk
I do have a black cat that sleeps on the landing on the hot water pipe but unfortunately he doesn’t speak English
And nor do all of us

Your face is etched upon my heart.

I knew you in the morning light

Love is wise but never smart.

We have no need of others charts

In the mornings and the night

Your face is etched upon my heart.

As we waken sleep departs

To see your face is my delight

Love is wise and sometimes smart

Intuition, craft is art

Love is silent, hatred fights

Your face is etched upon my heart

Human Love can see in part

Face to face we’ll see aright

Love is wise love is not smart

Your face is etched upon my heart.

Love is wise but never smart

Is love blind? Who etched the lines?

Sacred, human, love is kind

Poor Annie had fallen out of the apple tree where she saw Emile chewing some smoked haddock stolen from her basket.

Emile looked down from the highest branch

Are you alright he mewed.

I don’t know she muttered.I am in shock.

I’d better ring 999 and get Dave.

Without waiting he ran down the apple tree into the hall.

He phoned 999 and soon the ambulance will arrive.

Where will Annie be taken?

Who will look after her?

And where is Mary her best friend

Will she get better?

Find out in the next chapter if you pay £50 to The Red Cross by the time the next part is written.

Can’t wait

Chapter 2. Was their voice too loud?

Chapter 3. Are other people real or mere servants of your fantasies?

What to wear when you are dumb

.A new book by your favourite author