Today’s news item one

After days of record-breaking rows in every street in London the government have decided to throw a bucket of cold water over the entire conurbation

Unfortunately the government are very stupid and do not believe a report from Imperial college that one bucket of cold water will not be enough to wet everybody living in London and its suburbs.

The government are in fact very angry with Imperial college and have decided to make a 50% cut in its research allowance for the next financial year starting 2 months ago.

Whether that should be called the next financial year is open to debate but we know what Virus Johnson did in Oxford

And that was much worse than throwing cold water on people

Suggestions that wish for a bucket of champagne over London are made by men not realising that’ the amount of liquid in a bucket does not alter when it’s filled with water or when it is champagne or indeed when it is the urine of thousands of homeless people or babies a bucket is a bucket is a bucket in olde England

Normally a bucket of cold water is a metaphor but who knows?