Why die?

This lady died in her sleep

She is going green

Only since she died.

This man had acute coronary syndrome.

Is he better?

I can’t tell He’s dead

It must have been chronic then

I had a heart attack in the doctors office

What on earth did he do?

He said, next time go to the hospital.

We can’t always time such things unless we live in the hospital.

Are you allowed to?

Not unless you rise from the dead

So only one room,then?

Probably.Unless there’s a a Second Coming

Mary tries to tell a lie

  •  qq.jpgMary was just running out of the front door when she realised she had not combed her hair.
    She looked around, and found a small brush labelled,”For nubuck and suede shoes”…..
    Peering into the old mirror she ran it though her gold and silver hair,powdered her nose with her Estee Lauder natural beige foundation in powder form and slapped some coral lipstick on with haste.. and accuracy.
    Right,that’s it,she thought.Enough to show willing.
    She met her old friend Maureen at the bus stop.
    Have you been seeing Joel again? Maureen asked naughtily.
    No,I’ll be damned if I see him again,Mary said shyly.He told me he was living alone in a large house up the hill, then I met him wi
    th his wife.Who was he trying to fool?
    Maybe he hoped you would not notice?
    Not notice what,her wedding ring?
    Luckily the bus came down the road and stopped beside them.They jumped on and ran to the back. for a gab.
    Are you going shopping? Maureen asked.
    No,I am going to take some photos of the jazz band playing on the pavement by the bank… but I told Stan I was going to the pharmacy to buy some Vaseline….
    Why,does he not like you taking photos?
    Not when an old boyfriend of mine is in the band.
    Exactly how old is the boyfriend?
    About 69 I guess.

    Well he’s not that old!
    He is an ex I should have said.I knew him in primary school and used to ride his tricycle.He was my first love.We were only 5 years old.I think it was his red curls and the tricycle that attracted me… but we split up when we were 6.
    Surely Stan would not be jealous;it is 63 years ago,
    And to me it was like last year!Well. you know time does not exist in the Unconscious.
    How wonderful.
    Yes and no.Good memories can be there but also pain can seem as if it just happened even when it is from 50 years ago.
    Have you had a lot of men admiring you,dear?
    How would I know?There could be thousands if they were too shy to speak.
    You know what I mean!
    Not so many.. I had my second when we were 10.He had golden hair and long eye lashes and lots of games in boxes.He was very sweet but we were to young to be engaged so I decided to give men up and study mathematics instead as that has its own icy beauty…

    Wel,,nice meeting you.Have you dyed your hair;it’s got brown streaks.
    Oh,dear,Mary thought.Is it shoe polish? But who polishes suede shoes nowadays?
    Stan was following Mary on his Face Bike.He was watching her from behind the bike racks in front of the HSBC Bank…
    Mary had had many bikes in her life.. what would a fortune teller make of that,he asked himself.
    Still,she had no idea Stan was nearby as she wandered nonchalantly along the grey pavement in her Rosella dress and Gabor suede Mary Janes..
    Now then, where shall I go to take the photos,she thought…maybe I’ll sit outside this Coffee Shop and pretend to feel faint if anyone asks me to buy coffee…
    she opened her bag and took out her Kindle Paperwhite… she was reading,
    Creative Imagery and Healing… and also Cars and Peace by Leo Wholeshaw.. a futuristic novel set in North London.In the first chapter a grandmother has been
    beheaded in North London.
    That’s a bit far fetched,Mary had thought when she read it but in fact Wholeshaw had been right on the ball when he wrote his e book and self published it on Cramuzon for £3.89…
    I wonder if I’d like to write a novel, Mary mused… just then she saw Stan on the other side of the road talking to a blonde bombshell dressed all in pink.
    I see,she thought.He didn’t know I’d be here as the pharmacy is half a mile away.
    Who is watching whom?Well.the morals be lacking but my grammar is incorrect, damn it!
    And  so swear of us

The unconsciousness or blindness of politicians:Sinful or sick?


  • Humankind cannot bear much reality

    T S ELiot
    The poets know things before most other people do…I am sure many of us have heard of Freud and his “discovery ” that we are not conscious of many of our desires, fears and past traumas,That we may, without knowing, lie to ourselves about why we do things…[ he was not interested merely in sex]
    That nervous illnesses may be an attempt to solve such problems may be known to some… however it seems this may make life harder.
    So for example you may
    hate your mother-in-law but you do not find this0 acceptable to your ideal self image…. of the loving person you believe you are [Of course we both love and hate most people who are really close to us]
    A person in that situation might develop migrainous style headaches,agoraphobia,fear of walking on cracked pavements ,fear of driving,fear of women,obsessive cleaning etc… and so in a way they avoid the real issue… that they hate a family member.

    They don’t do this because they are stupid and they don’t choose their symptoms [ which may also be caused by perfectionism,overwork,fatigue,anguish].

    They do it partly because anger or hatred are so painful for them because of past life events or severe punishments that they are completely unable to allow the emotions out into their conscious mind.At some level we all deceive ourselves.
    I was wondering if something similar might be applied to politicians.Think of the bedroom tax,sanctioning benefit claimants leaving them starving,making people blind and mentally ill apply for work etc.
    Or ask yourself did the British Government consciously want to commit genocide in South Aftica in the Boer War when they invented Concentration Camps and filled them with Afrikaaners?

    From our perspective it seems unthinkable that governments could do such bad things with no anxiety or fear
    Now,we can suffer from lack of imagination like Generals in WW1 who were horrified by trench warfare only after they saw it in the flesh.
    Or could there be a mechanism like a neurosis where they do not really know what they are doing?
    I suppose it brings us to a perrenial question:


    [If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives” (1 John 1:8-10).

    In recent years sin has gone out of fashion as a concept and we tend more and more to call bad people sick…This implies they have no choice or free will about some of their actions whereas sin implies we have chosen our actions to some extent,, and using a stupid economic model may be sinful if enough advice has not been taken
    Just look at the American Handbook of Psychiatry where disobedient children have “oppositional defiance disorder” as opposed to normal childish ways of learning how to be a part of a family or group.. and knowing when it’s good to obey.. and when older maybe it’s not always good as adolescents learn slowly and painfully.

    Returning to discuss politicians I think it would require tremendous effort not to know what is happening to the poor here.
    Indeed I was talking about this with a taxi driver, coming back from the biopsy, who was so interested in the topic and enjoyed it so much he knocked 30% off the fare for me…
    Most of the people i know believe either the government is sinful or that the poor are sinful and deserve this punishing regime….
    But what if they do not realise? How can Ian Duncan Smith go to Mass receive Communion [Jesus’s body] having confessed his sins and done penance then carry on with his style of politics unless he is using some defence mechanism to blind himself to the effects of his works

    BTW how much have they wasted on new technology and how can they expect older unemployed people to buy computers and do everything online?
    I found it a bit daunting and I am a mathematician… or was;I have forgotten most of what I knew but I suppose there are mental habits one gets.
    I enjoy it now especially when I am ill and can’t get out or do much…. but it sometimes takes quite a lot of effort to sort things out…
    I suppose I recall Jesus’s words a lot these days.
    Father,forgive them for they know not what they do”
    I am less kind than Jesus…I’d say give them some nightmares,Lord…… maybe it will get through but if they are psychopaths they will not change.But we can attempt to vote them out… it seems hard with Labour still being Blair-ish but that’s what i am choosing after the Lib Dems lies in 2010.I likw the Greens but is it a wasted vote?

An instant behind this moment

Why did noone tell us the cost of living;
Of time wasted listening to dull repeats of lessons
that were repeats of other, so called, lessons
improperly heard and undigested.?
How these lumps and clots of half knowledge might clog the arteries of the mind
blocking the paths of all common sense;
clogging the channels through which life flowed
Waiting to be told something unsayable..
The unspeakable was only an instant behind the moment.
Evidence sprung up in the library,bound copies
told of secret police
night raids and death marches
but that was in another country
and a long time ago.
Why was there noone to listen to our story,
to treat us like more than receptacles.
And how the urge to retain a small piece of self
would be seen as defiance and ill will
stopping us from becoming the perfect image
the mother dreamed up before the mirror as the father gazed at our polished shoes and smoked a pipe.
And how our not being them reborn was a shattering blow
that we were punished for,
when it was our creative life they were stealing.
The cost of living might bankrupt a person before they became adult;
And the sense of judgment paralyse new action or fresh speech.
The cost of living is greater than we can know.
Being alive is not always permitted,
but one must be a very good actor even while dying;
otherwise punishment will be added to the tortured mix.
How to survive being under another’s control when it’s clear they love you only if you are what they decide?
Perhaps one can shrink into a nutshell and be buried
hoping for good weather rain and sun.
Sometime in the unknowable and fictionally hopeful future.
The sun also rises.

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