In the Guardian today
My boyfriend does not keep butter in the fridge
Maybe he is going to massage you with best butter tonight.
My boyfriend does not eat meat,
Does he inhale it?
My boyfriend likes whole milk
What’s the problem?
My girlfriend thinks I am obese
Never mind,you can spell.
I did Greats at Oxford
Try doing great next time
I have never been in love
I said the signpost is very small.
You are very cuddly
That is my cat,Beryl
I am not called Beryl.
No but but the cat is.
Is it female?
No it’s neutral.
Where is the cat’s mother?
With the cat’s father.
My boyfriend likes Russian vines.
How about Russian Invasions,?
Even the vines are invasive!
Do you want to go to Lithuania for half term?
No,they don’t speak Yiddish.
That’s because there are no Jews left.
Why,where have they gone?
How my heart sings 