The woollen and silk vests catalogue

Photo by Askar Abayev on

Dear Sir or Madam or Other

Thanks you for your catalogue.I would of bought a silk and wool vest.However it seems I am over-endewed with flesh.To wit, my bosom will not fit into your specified sizing
However despite my enlarged thyroid gland,I think your scarves would do and possibly your socks
As my hands are somewhat knobbly I might go for the woollen gloves despite having longed for leather ones as a young person
I did find the catalogue endearing, full of things we wore in my youth.
I unhappily was made to wear boy’s wool vests with 3 buttons the wrong way round.combined with Double Maths and Physics A level I became “other” myself
The final humiliation was being forced to wear knickers hip 44 inch when I measured 34 inches.Was it incest or insolence in my mother’s mind?
These tragedies have made my life arduous but also full of humour
So on second thoughts,I may bypass your offerings and buy a Cossack Hat instead

Yours truly

A potential customer

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