Senior semi lapsed Catholics’ to do/be or not to do/be programme


1.~Start early to prepare for Confession if you still go

Commit an interesting, but harmless to others,  sin early in the week to avoid that dumb panic on Saturday at 5 pm
You may already have done this accidentally,
Do NOT kill anything nor tempt others to sin [my, I never knew I was so attractive]
What sin is interesting without being wicked?
Do let me know

Never tell a sick friend that you can’t visit because you are going to Mass,  Vespers ,lighting candles etc
Never talk about religion unless others  do first.In any case, it’s probably better to avoid it

One of  the main points of religion is to remind us we are not God and never will be.
Leave it all out if  you like, but keep this.
You don’t have to go to church to   listen to the Sermon on the Mount or to spend a short time alone with yourself and present to your self…. in that, we may find some connection we didn’t know of.Similarly you can sit with a  friend having a hard time without lecturing them on how you would cope

5.Try to ignore that desire to correct others errors including  do  help them by mis-pronoincing a word they just mis-pronounced; unless you are a teacher in school
and especially theological errors

6.Listen for the still small voice rather than shouting a list of desires godwards.He/It/She is not Father Xmas

7 Go into a wood and forget everything including this.

Read theology by people who are NOT Catholics like Martin Luther King

That’s it for now

Sins of humour

So,how are you getting on with your SoulMates choices
I’ve just met someone who disbelieves in the same God as I do
What about his job?
He’s been fired just like I was
Well,this sounds promising.Does he have a sense of humour?
Yes, he’s trying to live on Benefits
Is he in good health?
No, he’s in Godmanchester
Is he well dressed?
For an unemployed widower, yes!
Where does he take you?
To the public convenience
To save water.
Where else?
To the library
Does he read?
He read History  at Nottingham
And what does he think?
He’s still in shock
What about?
Is he doing Ancient History?
It’s all ancient or it’s not history
Will you  marry him or  join a nunnery
It’s not all black and white, you know We might live in sin
I’ve never been,is the climate good?
Hot as hell
So it will raise your Vitamin D?
To infinity
You don’t say. can I come?
Don’t ask me.I’m annoyed
If Boris Johnson had gone to a Polytechniciv none of this
mess would exist
Just a different one
Could it be worse?
Oh, much worse.
The hills would be mountains
The sea an ocean
Do you write poetry?
No,I speak it
Is it a tongue?
Who decides?


Doctor,I don’t feel ill- be patient

Doctor,I can’t eat my dinner
Try drinking it

Doctor I’ve got an ulcer on my bunion
Don’t keep showing off

Doctor, the cat bit me
That’s not a cat, it’s a tiger cub
Do I have to die while you carry on about names?
No,I’ll be silent

Doctor I was sick on the TV
Fame at last!
How can I get it clean?
We didn’t do that at Medical School.

Doctor, my wife is expecting a baby
Are Amazon sending it?
No,Hermes, they say between 6 and 9 pm
Well,  make her something nice to eat
I’ll show her the recipe
And she will just show you the food.
Can’t I feed the baby?
Are you transgender?
Not yet but I live in Hope
Go back where you came from
That’s what they said to the Jews and look what happened!
Has God spoken to you?
Yes,but in Yiddish
You can’t expect him to learn English
But he expects us to learn it.
Oh, stop babeling on

We see not what ‘s there,we see our self

The eye is not a camera taking shots
Our mind affects the aspect we perceive
And what it feels important it allots
Gives grace or hatred ,causes us to grieve.
When we are afraid ,we see the worst
We see disgrace or ruin as our fate
As if our self for horror has a thirst
So all the little details we collate
Yet when we love we see before us joy
The flowers each sing, the birds dance in the air
We see no evil nor with hatred toy
All aspects of our world appear more fair.
We see not what ‘s there,we see our self
To learn ,we must employ our own mind’s wealth