Mary puts the kettle on

My own hand

When Mary got home,she took off her coat and put the kettle on the fire!She got the tea caddy out and put some tea into the pot.Suddenly the door burst open and Annie her exuberant neighbour fell into the kitchen
Are you ok,Mary asked her gently.Those 4 inch heels are rather dangerous.
Annie was wearing a sky blue track suit,red stilettos and a big green pashmina. Her make up had melted all down her face as she was so warm with running.She had some waterproof make up but had the feeling it might be dangerous to clog the pores.
Where have you been?She asked curiously.You were ages.
I forgot to get off the bus as I fell into a reverie.
That sounds like a black hole!
I was daydreaming so I ended up by the river and a policeman asked me for a date,sort of.
Did you have any dates with you?
No,I only had Stan in my bag,then.
Where is he? Have you put him into the wardrobe?
It’s already full.He’s still in the bag at the moment on the sofa .
The two women fell into a sad, mutual silence realising Stan would never now teach Emile to swim in the bath nor return his overdue library books.
Am I liable for his fines,Mary wondered prudently.
I can pay if you like,Annie,said generously.She got out some home made biscuits and gave one to Mary who was wearing a long black dress from Lands End which resembled a nun’s habit.
Are you thinking of retiring to the cloister soon ,she continued.
No,I don’t believe in Christianity any more.Christ.yes,Christianity ,no.
What about Xmas?Will you celebrate?
I shall pray and do out the kitchen cupboards.
Are they that bad,asked Annie curiously, twiddling a ringlet with her thin fingers.
Possibly,Mary giggled!
They didn’t teach domestic science at Oxford!And Mother was always busy cooking and cleaning the grate after she got home from work.
Talking about grates,I’d better look at the kettle.
She lifted it off the fire and held it up in the air.It was very black on one side,just like the one Mary’s mother had had so many years ago.
Why don’t I make some tea,she asked.
I don’t know,said Annie.Is this the Xmas quiz?
No,you don’t understand.It’s a rhetorical question.
Oh,do stop showing off,Annie told her.I only went to Knittingham Polytechnic and we never did Greek,just Aramaic.I have forgotten it now.
Mary poured out the tea into two pint sized mugs and the women sat silently warming their hands on the mugs and meditating on the wilful backwardness of the local poly which now only taught Latin,Hebrew and chemical engineering.The latter was an error as the professors thought that was what Wittgenstein had studied before finding Bertrand Russell more attractive.
Russell’s paradox had haunted Annie ever since those happy student days.Whereas, she being a lady with a very high libido would have preferred Russell to his paradox ,if she had been given the choice.What Lord Russell would have liked we can only speculate.

In the shadows looking for canoes

I’m sorry the prime minister is not here ear today. He is looking at the Channel and says he will have to have an eye test because he can’t see any migrants in dinghies.

The prime minister has promised that e,,, that everybody will have to , study mathematics,,until they are 18 years old. I am wondering what exactly they are going to teach. The paper say that there are, not enough mathematics graduates. But do you need a degree in mathematics to teach people how to read and how to do arithmetic? Because those are the things that children fail in primary school and in the secondary school just go through without help.

My question is this. Are we going to get maths graduates to help the high flying children even more teaching so that they’ll be ready to do a master’s degree before they go to university or are we going to get intelligence sensible sensitive teachers who can teach all the children who are failing at GCSE level how to read better and how to do the kind of arithmetic we need in everyday life and in looking after our money or paying taxes. Will we teach them how to understand inflation? Will we make it easier for them to find a place in society? Learning how to budget and and what to do if you get into debt? How to understand credit cards and how to avoid being take it in by offers of money all the time?

We’re talking about the poor and they’re not so poor but people who are not so skilled at reading long forms and have no one in their family able to help.

We need to to empower the poor but will any government do that?

Let them solve quadratic equations,

The information in bones

Ice Age megafauna went extinct only moments ago, in staggered waves over human history. The last mammoth, for instance, died after the first pyramids were built. Yet we know little of the lives of these animals with which we shared the planet for hundreds of thousands of years.

January flower pots

The empty pots stand quietly in the sun

They have no value but to naked worms

Yet in the earth the labour has begun

And deeper in the ground, the earth still burns.

The bulbs we buried looked as if they’d died.

Yet in their Resurrection,they will live

We can see how they boldly they defy

They have their secret treasure, they will give.

In the peaceful darkness of their clay.

Life and death are mingled by the heat.

The sun itself more distant has to pay

Deep down in the earth, a heart still beats.

What looks like death above deceives out minds.

Imagination’s cleverly disguised.

Like the message in between the lines

We must learn again to be surprised.

The seers eyes relaxed attend the deep.

We feel the warmth as all that’s hidden sleeps

No meaning, nothing sacred, never Love.

For someone non-existent  God has power
To wreck the world he learns from every  hour.
He is not here or there or where at all
And yet we do have evidence of Fall.

Why  must men be angry as they boast,
They can prove there is no Holy Ghost?
No benediction, blessing, nothing good
No meaning, nothing sacred, never Love.

For who is zero,  what’s in the empty set?
God  seems ever harder to forget
Men argue with red cheeks and suffer strokes
While God sits back, enjoys an evening smoke.

While Nothing shall remain and  nausea  sighs
Let’s enjoy the  madness and the lies.

What, is a lowly Jew to be adored?

From the other room, melodic sounds
Fill the air,severe yet rightly proud
For frames are needed  as our  outer bounds
Within which our imagination grounds.

It is five times a hundred years this  very day
That Luther put  objections  to the Church
Commemorated now in song and prayer
Yet  he may have helped the Hitler Reich

His hatred of the Jews knew not one bound
To kill them all was what he would have liked
I won’t  admire his works that  deeply wound
Created by his appetite for strife.

If Jesus came back would we kill once more?
What, is a lowly Jew to be adored!

In the end, the truth is where love lies.

With foresight, we may see  where  problems lurk
And  root them out before they start to grow
Yet often life’s mysteriously dark
And what we reap is what another sowed.

In hindsight,  this seems obvious and plain.
But some can  pick the  true out with no pain
Yet others choose  their fantasy again
They amble down a cheerful sunny lane.

Though what is real may not be what we wish
Better truth that hurts  than lies  that charm
Reality is not an easy  choice
Yet falsehood will mislead and even harm.

Insight grows with patient watching eyes
In the end, the truth is where love lies.

For love seeks not to prey


Katherine fictionhumorlovenonsensereflectionssonnet

Soft corns,blisters,hard corns and toe nails
Ankle socks and stockings, tights and  boots
Cover up the wounds with dressings white
Put  your feet up, rest  by  doing nought

Skin so thin it frightens me  to think
All I am  finds boundary just here
Yet our heart and soul can  contain  more
Spreading like a shawl on loved ones dear

We cast our love like fishers cast their  rods
Not too sure  of what will take the bait
A   simile  so poor I blush bright pink
For love  seeks not to prey but rather waits

Across the entire world the hate runs wild
 Bleach your brain , don’t poison  with  your smile



Monday, December 12, 2016
Definitions for thrasonical
  1. boastful; vainglorious.
Citations for thrasonical

His humour is lofty, his discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general behaviour vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical.William Shakespeare,st, 1598 Love’s Labour’s Lo

… [The audience] howled its delight over the ignominy of Pantaloon, the buffooneries of his sprightly lackey Harlequin, and the thrasonical strut and bellowing fierceness of the cowardly Rhodomont.Rafael Sabatini, Scaramouche: A Romance of the French Revolution, 1921

Origin of thrasonical
The Greek original for the Latin New Comedy character Thraso is Thrásōn, a stock character in New Comedy for a boastful soldier. The Greek name means “braggart” and is a derivative of the adjective thrasýs meaning “bold, confident, arrogant, insolent.” The most distinguished use of thrasonical is in Rosalind’s speech in Shakespeare’s As You Like It (1616), “…Caesar’s thrasonical brag of ‘I came, saw, and / overcame’…” The word entered English in the mid-1500s.

Mary climbs a ladder

Mary was on a step ladder in the bathroom, spying on her husband Stan,through a hole in the wall.He had drilled this for spying on women sunbathing semi-nude in their private back gardens.
Here he was climbing over the fence with Emile ,their cat, on his shoulder.
I think it’s so ridiculous, she muttered .Surely Emile can jump over the fence by himself.
But Emile was very limp,she saw belatedly,
He can’t be dead,she whispered to herself fearfully.She jumped down off the  ladder and hit her head on a tap
Oh,my!That hurt…I’d better be careful. she murmured and she flew down stairs to Stan in the kitchen
Emile has got concussion, Stan said mournfully.

Is he  dead , perhaps,?she wondered anxiously.
No, he only fell off Annie’s roof.I am sure he’ll come to.
Good Lord.What made him go up there and more important,how did he do it?
You’d better ring 999,he informed her gently
If you say so ,my dear

Soon Dave,the bisexual transvestite paramedic ran in wearing a sundress and dark glasses with golden sandals from Hooters.
Poor Emile,what have you done?
He fell off Annie’s roof, but we have no theory as to how he got there,said Stan.
Well, there’s no need to think of that… we deal with reality.That’s my modus operandi!
He gave Emile the kiss of life.Emile came to…but was not pleased
Why did you waken me up? I was having a lovely dream of walking down a silver path where I saw a big cat with shining fur and tender eyes looking at me.He just began to miaow when some f**king idiot woke me up… was he God?
I can’t say,Emile,dear.But please do not swear.
I’ll do whatever I f**king well feel like,Emile said. nastily
Good heavens, what has happened.Has he been reading dirty books?
No, he was watching East Enders on TV… they all use the f word constantly.
Well,Emile.God will have to wait… he’ll be glad if you do some kind work here on earth.
Up yours,said Emile.I am sick of living here. I’ve been hoping for years Stan would mate with Annie but he has only managed a kiss.
Perhaps it was the kiss of life,said Mary hopefully
Well, in a sense,you might have hit the snail on the bed said Stan thoughtfully.I know any further mention of philosophy will drive me utterly and eternally mad!
Now,Dave said,shall I make you all some hot tea?
Thank you Stan responded.I am half crazed already.Tea may save my sanity.But for what?
Annie came in wearing her brick red trouser suit and a white sun hat. her face a dark shade of beige and her lips light mauve, with lipstick from Max Fracture’s new range.

Did you know Emile was in a hot air balloon,she said in tones of wonder.How has he got down so fast?
I f**king well fell out, the cat yawned proudly.Then I had a near death experience until this loon here brought me round.
Emile,I ’ve never heard you swear before! she whispered in a strange manner reminiscent of those silent films starring unnamed and forgotten beauties of long ago.
Do you like it,baby? Emile asked.
No I don’t. I’ve never said F*ck in all my life.
Well you have now,the cat informed her with a naughty smile.
I think he’s possessed by demons.We’ll have to have him exorcised.
But I like demons,Emile bawled .I’ve been good all my life and I am bored and depressed.
So you believe swearing will help more than therapy?
Emile got up and lit a cigarette nonchalantly with a certain ,je ne sais lah

Good grief,he’ll be having sex on the sofa next ,said Stan.
What a good idea,said Emile, but I want my own room and an en suite..I mean to impress the next girl friend I have.
Dave drank some tea and watched these old folk ponder.
I am wondering where we went wrong,said Mary.All these years we’ve educate you privately and even had you baptised.
Well.I am going to be a Jew,said Emile.
I don’t think a cat can be a Jew… and you never ever had any interest in the spiritual before,why this?
Well,when I was unconscious I realised that God exists….
But why be a Jew?
Well,they were the first to see God in a Burning Brush.
And the last too, I hope,thought Annie nervously.
Well,said Stan.You want to smoke,swear ,make love and possibly enjoy wine and song.Is that not enough?
Does God smoke and swear?
There was a long silence and Emile answered’
Well,Yes he does.
I’m off said Dave.I have to ring the Pope.
Why? asked Emile. I am not going be a Catholic….
Well,said Dave, he ought to know that God is a cat.

Mary needs a lock on the door

The doorbell rang yet again.Mary crept into the hall and saw through the  little window  a young man with a van marked Maypole Locksmiths.She opened the door and explained she could not lock her door with a key but only with a  twig from the maple tree.In winter it was not sensible
The man who had looked rather glum brightened up
So where did you buy this lock? he asked humorously
I have no idea
Up ran Annie her late husband’s mistress who  still  lived next door.She was wearing  a lime green faux fur coat over a  purple track suit.The locksmith’s eyes rotated in fear
My husband made that lock from a teak bread  board,just before he eloped, she told them
Well ladies,I have news for you
Mary plucked at  the darning on her wool skirt,looking agitated
Doors are  wood but locks are metal and have metal keys,he informed them
Goodness me,  we are still in the Dark Ages, she cried nervelessly
Yes, the days are short in winter he whispered.My name is Jack by the way
I don’t want any more men,she murmured mutinously
Why, how many have you got? he inquired tenderly with a hint of laughter.
I am not sure but it is not a rational number,Mary declaimed
But what IS a rational number,Annie asked? Three,four,ten, a thousand?
It is zero but I am happy with a ball of wool and Emile, my sweet cat
Miaow,cried Emile
Up the path ran Dave, the transphobic ,asexual paramedic
Emile, are you ok? he muttered in Welsh
Well,I could just  eat tin of salmon, Emile muttered, but we have none
That is a tragedy.I’ll get you some for Xmas
We usually have meat,Mary  told him, but I don’t mind.I hate roasting turkeys.What  have turkeys done to deserve that fate? I’d prefer t adopt some
No, cried Emile.I don’t want any here.
So selfish, said Annie.They are  alive just like we are.
I don’t  give a fig,  the cat boasted
I know a lot of turkeys have died in  refrigerated lorries crossing the channel
But it’s horrible here.I don’t see why a turkey would want to live here,Annie replied
They want  to see Buckingham Palace,I expect and get given free cars  like all our immigrants are given, said Emile.Not to mention free flats in tower blocks covered in asbestos and lead
I’ll  have to change your name to Oswald,Mary said
That is insulting,I am only saying what all the people are saying.Mosley was a an aristocrat,I believe
I am very sad we taught Emile to read and speak.He is getting his news from Facebook, the Mail on Mondays and gossip.
Yes,Stan was a fool.He should have left him like a wild animal.Do you know he watched Stan and me in bed through a mirror
Well,I hope  he didn’t watch me,said Mary.I have to put Nerisone oily
cream on my private parts if I have a flare up but to a cat it might look suspiciously like
self pleasure
Well, why not enjoy it since you have to use it?
Very wise,Mary replied.I’ll have to think abut  that
The locksmith coughed
Madam shall I put this brass lock on the door and a handle so you can pull the door shut more easily
You are very clever,Mary said thoughtlessly.But don’t do a degree.Many minds  have been ruined by studying Rousseau one week , Bertrand Russell the next and Wittgenstein in 10 days.It only makes people seem educated because they now words other people don’t but  wisdom and thought have not  entered their being
I’ll make us all a nice cup of tea, Annie shouted.That will enter all our beings
I thought you’d never ask, cried Dave
And so did all of us

Don’t forget to write when  the tyrant is hot

cats on sofa (1)

You may have read that we, the English people [ well I am 3/8 English] have to be careful in discussion with people who speak English but live in other countries like New Zealand.South Africa and of course, Canada, home of Leonard Cohen
However much we learn, if we don’t live in England we probably do not understand the idioms and I expect im politics and business it could cause great problems
If Boris Johnson says he is going to spill the beans tonight, will anyone from other countries like France know what he means.Because I assume they speak English at NATO events
Stone the crows. here is Boris striking while the iron is hot and spilling the beans and his seeds all over the area.
Oh, my sainted aunt,I can’t escape got agoraphobia,
Seen a shrink?
There’s sink in the toilet
But will it flush away?
Now be serious.I mean the room
What ,where the Inn keeper would not let Mary and Joseph stay?
They had no bathrooms then
Mine is the cat’s pyjamas
Should it be “are”?
Grammar is obsolete.
It sounds extremely rude.I must be mixing my words
You sound like an artist
Well,slight while the iron is hot!
But you don’t paint with an iron,do you?
No, but I can scorch the paper
I’d love to scorch the Mail
Don’t waste your time
I didn’t know I had any
Well, keep still.Don’t move
Why, is Trump passing?
Passing wind maybe
Is he a sheep in wolf’s clothing?
He’d be a ram
The wolf is only artificial
Is it imaginary like a complex number
Not that kind of imaginary
Do tell
The cat’s out of the bag
Yes, mother?
But where?
Under a hat
I got the hat trick once.I took it off
Now keep mum and watch what I do.
I want dad
Me too
Don’t ask for the moon
So is he there?
Be quiet Michael Gove wants to squeak
Where is Rees Mogg?
Mating with yours
This is the absolute end
Well, nearly

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